New writing, art, photography, and essays from Percept Index
As recovery marches on, slowly, methodically, a little more energy day by day, I've found it difficult to focus on anything other than the metamorphosis of Field Notes (what you're reading right now). The lamp that normally burns brightly, fueling meditation, trance, and immersive altered states, is still dim, but it won't be like this for long. In the meantime something that I've wanted to engage…
In the last three weeks the quality of meditations and immersive altered states has degraded substantially or completely dropped off. I'm no stranger to these situations as I've written about them at length as they come. Initially I spent a lot of time and energy investigating just why this happens. I refused to accept that the same mechanism that expanded my experience of this reality would…
Just as I was finishing up a sketch on a Saturday evening, the tail end of the last cycle, a track called "Divine Path" by V-Society & Rave Nine came through the earbuds. A spoken sample from the mix innocently caught my attention. Its first half names the fifth dimension as a state of consciousness already within you, waiting to be awakened — no far-off destination, no distant dream. Its second…
The week had exactly one moving part. A nasty virus set the terms -- survival mode, sessions shortened or surrendered to sleep, physical training cast aside for another week. Through all of it, the magician's table stayed fully stocked, wand, cup, sword, and pentacle each in place, and the one item missing was the very key to it all, my awareness. In its place, a box of tissues.
My task this afternoon was to channel Kenny Rogers as I *Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)*. Thus I concluded a second successful day of a solid 45 minute meditative trance session, the basic things that I wasn't able to engage with all week long are finally coming back online. Yet, there's still something missing from my metaphorical magician's table.
This week's "return to form," after last week's adventure time, was foiled by a nasty virus that I am certain Kim and I caught during our attendance at the aquarium. Most of the week I spent in survival mode, casting aside physical training for another week. As I'm climbing out of the foggy delirium of sickness, I'm feeling the "softness" of not going on a run or lifting heavy things settle in,…
Every step forward in the exploration of consciousness uncovers more questions, as if the process were a recursive function keeping us forever unfinished. How could it be otherwise -- the thing under study is it itself, studying itself. The question I'm after here queries reality: is this waking life, is it dreaming, is it what happens after death, is death even a good name for what's going on.
The week ran on deliveries I didn't order. A yellow stencil in the wrong parking garage, the last spot in the building. A fish rising out of a cup. An Iced Earth song I haven't heard in a couple decades, sung soapy-handed in a dream bathroom. Vibrations ringing me like a bell from head to toe about a minute after I'd given up and rolled over to sleep. None of it summoned; all of it received.
As this weekly cycle approaches to a close I find myself drawn back to the beginning, Monday, when **333** made a striking appearance after a substantial hiatus. Come to think of it, it's always been somewhat part of my culture in one way or another. Let me be clear that I am not wholly claiming the sacred number 3 as my own, I never have.
All week my meditations have been on the quiet side. After writing that sentence out, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. It's meditation, not frantic multitasking. Nonetheless, the reason I have this *feeling* behind this week has a lot to do with my ability to drop out completely after sessions and into more immersive altered states, something I fell into the habit of doing over the last few…
We took the trailer to the coast for three days. The trip charged full price: a blowout on the pass, hours on the shoulder, short sleep, small injuries. None of it moved my mood significantly. The boys were making memories in bulk, and that was the trade.
One essay, one Field Notes entry, and a week that kept saying the same thing in rooms that don't talk to each other. The essay speaks on the shift not being a trip, nothing moves, no craft arrives, no one ascends, the world remains and you change. Then a projection put me in a room with no body and no way to travel in it, a guided session dropped me into F10 in under three minutes because I had…
Today my mind has been preoccupied with completing the last of the pre-trip maintenance on our travel trailer. I'm taking our family to the Central Coast this Sunday to spend some needed time away from the Central Valley heat, even if for a couple nights.
I stumbled on a post from a subreddit I don't follow. An unnamed source channeling an immortal yogi, laying out the seven signs that you've already left 3D and are entering 5D without knowing it. I read it and, yeah, all of that, literally all of that. I even chuckled at the identity sign; I'd just finished writing the Percept Index mission to include "who I am becoming."
The week ran in reverse -- a mission proclaimed before the question that went looking for it, a query that carried its answer before it was cast, and a weekend threshold that returned absolutely nothing because there was nothing left to deliver.
“Show me where the becoming-work is asking to go next” was today's cast during my usual long-er weekend meditation session. The typical process over the last few months has been identifying the general theme of the week and then letting these sessions cast more light on the subject. In some cases that looks like an in-trance vision, contact, post session immersive altered states such as…
I set out this afternoon to cast a question which already had an answer. Sometimes this happens, sometimes it happens frequently. Retrocausality is a mind-bending and often times headache-inducing subject but there is a way to approach it without hurting yourself (maybe, I'm not promising anything).
Something's been bothering me. Not enough to cause a serious deep dive but always there, like an ever-present hum somewhere in the background that I haven't resolved yet. It originates from within, and yet it's like a nebulous cloud that I know is right behind me -- when I turn, it turns with me, obscuring my sight of it.
The week kept issuing the same instruction in different dialects. A boundary that does not shout back. A light that was never contained. A drive carried instead of spent. A field observed instead of contested. Four entries, one lesson -- force held is not force wasted.
Yesterday's setup, today's question. The cleanest waking-to-projection traversal I've logged in a while; no dreamy qualia, no gap, just a hard stop and then the garage. And an orange glow that shouldn't have been there.
One of the best outcomes is when the week picks a theme and carries itself forward with it, or perhaps I'm no longer standing in the way of these things. This is something I'm finding to be happening with an increased reliability over the last couple months. And again I'm reminded that this is yet another lesson in letting go and flowing with the Pleroma, the eternal now, the river of time.
Working weekdays are pretty quiet on the meditation subject. The primary goal with these days is to focus on metaphysical hygiene, energy work, or brief manifestation runs. There's a fourth category that I like to do when my days are full of work-related context, and that's a simple 30-minute meditation focused on presence, stillness, oneness.
I've never been a fan of building castles in your own countryside. The act of either erecting on the spot or moving into a new territory and putting up walls always felt subversive to your own community or an inherited one. I was naive, I didn't understand why people or groups of people engage in this act. "I'm an open book," is what I'd proclaim while looking off into the distance as if…
Three entries this week, and every one of them turned out to be an examination I didn't schedule. The drawing hand was tested against fifteen years away from traditional illustration. The project was tested against the ego's ledger of attention and engagement. The fear response was tested by a mantis growing in my palm and a masked man parked at my front door. No one graded these. I'm starting to…
I woke at 4:20 and made the mistake of not getting out of bed immediately. Woke again at 4:55, too late for the morning run, so I went back to sleep. Long story short, if I sleep for eight hours or more I feel like absolute shit. Hungover without the drinking, headache and groggy. My max has always been six hours; four to six has been the working duration since high school, for a little over…
The pull to go inward and sit with nagging, unresolved, forgotten, or ignored issues, aspects, and situations is strong in recent days. I know this, I speak of it, yet my ego has been doing a good job of living in denial, "but that's not me!" So, taking my own advice, today's meditation was all about a particular line of thinking that has been slowly, but surely, coming up to the surface more and…
When I started Percept Index I focused strictly on documentation, writing, and analysis of consciousness exploration. After a few months of purely written work I felt the pull to return to illustration, something I spent a lot of time sharpening during my time at CSU Fresno.
This past week's retrospective will be a little different. Any time I have an experience with an altered state such as lucid dream, projection, deep trance, Liminal encounter, etc. I will always defer to that over waxing poetic on what the week has taught me. Don't get me wrong, all of it is important but for me experience documentation overrides philosophical summation.
A ho-hum meditation, a couple mild lucid dreams, and an encounter with a skeleton-looking Liminal. A typical Saturday afternoon.
Opened Friday with a solid early morning 8 mile run. I hit a couple hills maintaining my pace, legs felt powerful and I didn't want to die. This could have easily been a 10+ mile run but I'm holding the horses back and slowly increasing the total weekly mileage, I know what happens when you don't because I've done that too.
Returning to some of the older tapes that I used to do has been low-key revelatory on what I've been missing the during all those sessions in the past. One major point of tension I've realized and catch myself in realtime desire to *do something*, attempting to *do something*, pushing and applying mental force to *do something*. It's a natural reflex that oddly enough isn't as pervasive once I'm…
Kicking off the new week physically intact and under normal operational conditions. That's somewhat rare as of late, and I have a feeling it will be a normal situation for a while until my oldest boy returns to school within a couple months.
The forward motion this week was all subtraction. I kept expecting to reach for something new (a sharper state, a missing tool, a version of me upgraded enough to unlock the next thing) and every session handed back the same answer. There was nothing to acquire. The instrument never moved, the tools were already in my hands, and the only real work was taking off a belief I'd worn long enough to…
Kim and I are celebrating our 12-year anniversary tomorrow, and what better way to commemorate the occasion than going to see a film about aliens and Disclosure. Our actual anniversary is tomorrow but we also have a couple young kids and, as anyone can imagine, planning things in this stage of life is a bit of a juggle and often can get chaotic (finding a babysitter, disrupted routines, etc.).
Focus-state access, manifestation, and non-verbal communication run on one set of tools, used all day, whether you mean to or not.
After a deep moment of quiet contemplation from the previous evening, I woke up early this morning with several loose threads having resolved and woven into my reality as integrated and whole. As good of a feeling as this is, immediately after is the default next step, I settled 4 questions, now I have 8 new questions. And the best part? That's what we crave, forward motion and a whole lot more to…
Recently, especially in the last few days, I have been dealing with a mild bout of doubt and internal friction regarding my work. Honestly, I have been expecting this and have been keeping *that* aspect in mind as passing internal weather.
The de-load ended and I came back wanting to floor it. The week had other plans, and every one of them said the same thing. Open the hand. The body set the terms, the practice echoed them, and the lesson I keep circling came back around, this time from nearly every direction at once.
Today's mission was simple, access the ideal state and then let go and coast. Over the last few years, every step of practice held this principle at the core, and with every step forward I understood a different aspect of what it means to be present. Yet, time and time again, that is the overarching message, theme, advice, lesson that I continue to receive. Over time, I began to doubt myself, why…
A low-key theme has been running this week, and today was no exception. Instead of going on my longest run of the week, I got up at the same time as usual and spent three hours trimming trees and hauling debris. It needed to be done, and before the temperatures started to climb into the 90s and beyond. The lemon tree was my biggest foe this morning and I'm fairly beat up from that "exercise".
Today is quiet. Most of the time has been spent on tying up loose ends, context switching, and lining things up for future events that will require more doing and context switching. Basically, a lot to do and not much to write about.
Coming back to a full physical week from a deload week is always an interesting balancing act. On one hand, I want to open full throttle and run 100 mph; on the other hand, I know that's probably a bad idea, as I need to recondition. Well, I got new "tires" (shoes) and took them out for a morning run this Monday, they are rocketships, and I tore up that 10k. One small problem... the new tires are…
This week's Retrospective is a little different than the usual, and a little longer as well. At the end of last week (20260525-20260531), I made the decision that my physical body was essentially forcing on me. To avoid a total breakdown and an injury, I took this week (20260601-20260607) completely off from my usual early morning physical activity and replaced it with early morning meditation…
Following yesterday's experience with Focus 21 (Bridge), after a few months of pausing sessions accessing that focus state, I decided to pick this quest back up with renewed interest and curiosity. There's something about how this focus state responds to my access that has left me *understanding* that I don't have the full picture and yet still know that I'm *getting there* anyways.
Back to my ol' pal "Intro to Focus 21". I won't lie, this has been one of those focus states that I'm not quite sure I've got a handle on. In fact, if I'm being cautious about it to begin with, then I'm definitely not where I think I should be with F21, unlike F10, F12, F15, and F18. At first I was comparing my own experiences with others, big mistake. After a bit of that and recognizing the error…
This morning was a little interesting, mainly for my own observation (like most of this is anyway). These tapes switch to Robert Monroe's daughter, Laurie Monroe, for the intuition, Focus 15, and Focus 21 sets. I think she's fantastic and I've become accustomed to her voice and instructions, but there's just one thing... It doesn't matter how deep or light of a trance I'm in after the prep/first…
I had a thought the other night. Not a download, just a thought. The slow machinery of UAP disclosure keeps grinding, and everyone who's been watching for years has spotted the same snag, every road into the subject dead-ends at consciousness. There's something here the people steering this don't want widely known. I don't think it's the craft. I think it's us.
The week opened with the fastest 10k I've ever run and closed with the decision to stop running entirely. That isn't the contradiction it looks like. The body took the wheel, and the smartest thing I did was let it.
Monday morning is the start of "De-Load & Re-Load" week. I hesitated a bit yesterday declaring it and making the decision to proceed, but after today's session I'm over it. It's happening. The primary focus of these morning meditation and trance sessions will be on The Gateway Program staple tracks. I need to, at the base level, refresh my own register of each focus state and then get…
All week I've been thinking about this morning's nice and long 12-mile run, maybe 13 or 14 miles. The goal was to get up *slightly* earlier than I have been and hit the road before 5 AM. Instead, I woke up right after 5 AM, overslept and missed my starting window. Upon seeing the time, my body and psyche collapsed back down on the bed, and I slept for another hour.