we never woke up

tired that isn’t sleep tired
why don’t we have a word for this
you lie down and it’s still loud
not the room
the other thing
(? what do i call it)

we stopped pressing
used to press at it in the dark
now we just scroll
same gesture? no
not the same
scrolling is reaching but not for that
for what tho
distraction

understanding needs quiet

quiet needs courage
courage is admitting you don’t know
fuck that’s hard
we’re all unfinished
world’s unfinished too
being alive isn’t a problem to solve
it’s a question
and we dropped it cause it was heavy
but heavy isn’t bad?
heavy can be holy?
sounds dumb when i write it out

we forgot how to want
or got embarrassed
need is weak
weak is cringe
cringe is worse than alone now
look at us
clean apartment, nothing
better to act fine than be seen wanting
cause wanting is human
and nobody wants that

post and hide
share and disappear
built these fake selves from 2 sec clips
then feel fake
shocking
likes feel empty cause they are
mixed up being seen with being close
audience ≠ the person
pushed the person away cause needing them is dangerous
loving someone that much is scary
it moves the furniture
(is that line good or dumb)

five frames video
kid laughing then not
you know the one
that’s the face
the one you make alone
nobody posts that
but that’s the one that would fix us
we don’t let it

sincerity is cringe now
crying is content
falling in love is dumb
grief in a caption
joy you film before you feel it
we put life on delay
check if it’s worth it first
lose the first second
always the moment after
(“we live in the moment after” keep?)

i don’t think we’re bad
just tired
performing too long
hungry for something not on screen
a talk with no audience
love that’s just ours
a feeling that wasn’t shaped by tiktok
lol

waking up is hard
means not grabbing phone when quiet
means letting feeling finish
means saying what you want out loud
being embarrassed
being wrong
and not dying
being seen
fifth frame
and they don’t look away

we gave up the messy part
which is the good part
love scary
grief means you cared
embarrassment is honesty no armor
loneliness is body saying
you were made for more than this
(too much? too preachy?)

wake up
just feel the weight
your life in your hands
stupid ordinary realness
carry it

just carry it
(end? idk)

About the Writer:

Chris is a 20-year-old writer currently studying statistics at university. He has been writing since the age of seven, after receiving an Oxford dictionary from his father and spending hours building stories from the words he discovered inside it.

After stepping away from writing for a period due to anxiety and AuDHD, he returned to it in 2024, realizing it remained the clearest way for him to express himself. Drawn to imagination, introspection, and reimagining the world around him, Chris writes because it is one of the few things that has always felt entirely his own.

Here’s the link to Chris’s Substack: