RSS Amplifier

The Bigger Picture · Jul 19, 2026

The Life We Lose While Building a Better One

0
Sign in to vote or save

Pelle Martens · The Bigger Picture

I wish good essays could pay rent on their own.
Until they learn how, paid subscriptions keep this publication alive.

Become a (Paid) Subscriber

I don’t think the perfect human exists.

I think the perfect employee does.

Disciplined. Reliable. Healthy. Productive. Always reachable. Always learning. Always improving. Never late. Never distracted. They don’t need motivation because they’ve built systems. Their body works. Their calendar works. Their habits work. Their career works. Their relationships work. Everything works.

Read that again.

How much of that sounds human?

Now hand that description to AI and tell it to keep optimizing. It starts removing anything that gets in the way. Long conversations disappear. Friendship gets replaced by useful connections. Love becomes an unnecessary source of irrational decisions. Art survives only if it can justify itself. Children become harder to prioritize. Old age becomes an engineering problem. Grief becomes a software bug that needs fixing.

The truth is, the perfect employee is a terrifying blueprint for a human being. Every hour accounted for. Every weakness managed. Every emotion regulated. Every relationship optimized. Every decision calculated. Nothing wasted. Nothing messy. Nothing spontaneous. They’d become someone nobody actually dreams of being when they’re a child.

Nobody would describe this person as broken. That’s what makes the whole thing so unsettling. We’d probably call them successful. We’d probably ask them for advice. We’d hire them. Promote them. Celebrate them. Tell our children to become more like them.

The perfect employee was never supposed to become the perfect person.

The trap is that optimization actually works. It delivers almost everything it promises. More discipline. More focus. More control. So we stop asking where those rules belong. Eventually we use them everywhere, including the places they slowly begin destroying.

We’ve built a world where everything has to justify itself. This is a fair expectation for a business, but it’s a dangerous one for a society. Because eventually nothing is allowed to exist on its own terms anymore. Not love. Not art. Not grandparents. Everything has to argue for its place.

We’ve become so obsessed with removing friction that we’re starting to remove depth. Almost everything worth loving comes with inconvenience attached. Raising children is inconvenient. Caring for aging parents is inconvenient. Falling in love is inconvenient. Friendship is inconvenient. But humanity has always been gloriously inefficient. That’s never been a bug. It’s been the whole point.

Nobody has to watch us anymore.

The boss leaves.
The office closes.
The laptop shuts.

But the voice stays.

Be better.
Do more.
Waste less.
Optimize.
Improve.

The company never had to own you forever.

It only had to teach you how to own yourself.

We’ve spent so long trying to build a better life that we forgot to notice whether it still feels like one.

Maybe that’s the mistake.

We keep assuming that if something is inefficient, it must be broken.

That we’ve mistaken our humanity for unfinished work.

But before we optimize them away, we should stop and ask ourselves:

Was this actually a problem?

Or was this the part that made us human?

I wonder how many relationships slowly disappear without anyone doing anything wrong. Nobody intends to replace connection with convenience. Nobody wakes up wanting a life where everything runs smoothly except the people they love. But one small efficiency at a time, we can accidentally build a life where nothing is missing—and nobody feels close.

The part I struggle with is realizing that humanity doesn’t disappear in dramatic ways. It disappears every time we decide there’s no time for one more story, one more hug, one more hour, one more visit. Nothing important seems to happen. That’s exactly why we don’t notice it. Then years pass, and suddenly grandparents apologize for taking too much of our time. Friends have to book us weeks in advance. Children stop interrupting because they’ve learned we’re busy. We didn’t lose these things overnight. We slowly taught ourselves to live without them.

The human experience was never a clean design.

It is contradictory and chaotic and full of things that make no sense.

We miss people who hurt us.
We grieve futures that never existed.
We spend decades chasing dreams that may never come true.
We forgive things we swore we never would.

A perfect system would remove these contradictions.

But remove enough contradictions, and eventually you remove the person.

I have this awful feeling that one day we’ll finally build lives where almost nothing can wound us. We’ll be calmer. More composed. More emotionally disciplined. More protected. And everyone will congratulate each other. Nobody will notice that the same walls keeping heartbreak outside are also keeping love from getting in. I don’t know how we’ll mourn a loss we’ve already trained ourselves not to feel.

I don’t want my life to become so efficient that nobody feels comfortable interrupting it anymore. I don’t want people apologizing before they call. I don’t want friends checking whether I’m too busy. I don’t want my children learning to keep important things to themselves because they think I’m working. I hope the people I love always feel like they can completely ruin my plans.

That’s because I don’t want my heart to become efficient either.

I want it to keep making terrible decisions. I want it to love too deeply, forgive too slowly, hope too stubbornly and believe in people long after logic tells me to walk away. Every meaningful thing in my life came from exactly those mistakes.

One day there will be no more interruptions.

I’d give anything to have them back.

We’ve spent so much time trying to become the best version of ourselves that we’ve forgotten to become the most loving version of ourselves. Those aren’t the same person. One is impressive. The other is present. One keeps improving. The other keeps showing up. One is admired from a distance. The other is remembered because they made people feel less alone. If I have to choose, I don’t think it’s actually a difficult decision.

I don’t want every hour to justify itself.
I don’t want every conversation to have a purpose.
I don’t want every relationship to make me better.
I don’t want every emotion to become another problem to solve.

Some things deserve to exist simply because they make this strange little life feel worth living.

Efficiency doesn’t steal your memories.
It changes which memories get the chance to exist.

That’s a loss you’ll never even know how to grieve.

Support These Essays

Share The Bigger Picture

I don’t love asking for support.
I do love writing these pieces.

If you’d like to help me write more essays,
a paid subcription is the best way to do it.

Either way, I’m glad you’re here.

Become a Paid Subscriber

If this has earned a coffee,
I promise it’ll become another essay.

Prefer PayPal? That’s here too.

This is part of The Bigger Picture.
More essays are on the way.

© 2026 Pelle Martens. All rights reserved.

No posts

Read the original on pellemartens.substack.com

Comments

Nothing yet. Say the first thing.

    Sign in to join the conversation.