*Even though the football team and owner in this story might seem familiar, it is a work of fiction and a parody of How The Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss.
Written and Illustrated by: Patrick Johns
Every Who-Dey down in Who-Dey-ville, liked their football team a lot…
But the Grinch, who inherited the whole team from his dad, did NOT!
With the way the Grinch ran things, he should have been taken to court.
Despite no championships, the Who-Deys still gave their support.
The Grinch woke up on game day and was in a horrible mood.
“My mission is to destroy each Who-Dey’s happy attitude!”
“I’ll make gate entry slow and won’t shovel the snow off their seats.”
“I’ll serve the hot chocolate cold and sell them expired meats.”
“The Who-Deys will whine and complain, but still give me their last dimes.”
“They’ll freeze their Who-Dey butts off and all have miserable times.”
The Who-Deys showed up to the game and proudly all joined hands.
Then loudly sang a Who-Dey chant, atop the snowy stands.
This surprised the Grinch, “Why the hell are they here and not leaving?”
“Oh, just wait until the game begins, then they’ll all be grieving.”
The Bungles team played poorly and got punched badly in the lip.
A rather pathetic display, they lost twenty-four to zip.
The icy, snowy seats caused the Who-Deys’ asses to be chapped.
Combined with the terrible loss, the Who-Deys finally snapped!
The Who-Deys took the snow from their seats and marched it to the field.
They started building something with it, as the Grinch watched and squealed.
“What are they building?” the Grinch wondered (his brain couldn’t compute).
Then he realized what it was… a big, one-finger salute.
This made the Grinch sad and he contemplated his life.
“Perhaps I should do something to end the Who-Deys’ strife.”
“I have a chance to right my wrongs, but what should I do for them?”
“Increase the scouting department? Maybe hire a GM?”
“A-ha!” the Grinch exclaimed. “I have an even better idea!”
“My plan’s so great, they’ll forget the team plays like diarrhea!”
The Grinch grabbed a hat, a sack, and the keys to his motor cart.
Then drove out onto the field, to win over each Who-Dey heart.
The Grinch parked near the Who-Deys, it was time to address each fan.
He opened up his full sack and started his redemption plan.
“I’m so sorry that you’re angry, I’ve treated you all like pawns.”
“I know everyone’s upset and thinks the team’s run by morons.”
“I’ve given you many bad squads, including the ones with cons.”
“Please forgive me and take all of these valuable coupons!”
The Who-Deys rejected his cheap, crummy attempt at a gift.
They were clearly fed up with the Grinch’s penny-pinching thrift.
They chased his cart out of Who-Dey-ville, telling him to scram!
Maybe now they’d get a new owner, one who gives a damn.
The End.
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