A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead as I read the message again.
YUKI.N> I apologize for the intrusion. YUKI.N> I hope life is treating you well. >
The club room was dark, illuminated only by the dim glow of the monitor. Though it was just a few words, I couldn't stop trembling. What's going on? Is this some sort of prank? But who could have done this? And why does it look like that message? And... and...
"Who are you?" I whispered.
Then, in an instant, more text appeared on the screen.
> Who are you YUKI.N> That is irrelevant. I am more interested in who you are, or rather, the person you have become. >
My heart nearly stopped. How did they know what I said? What do they mean by "the person I've become"? Why are they using my name? By that point, I was hyperventilating. I wanted to run out of the club room, to find someone and ask them for help, to call the police... but for some reason, I couldn't. No matter what I tried, I couldn't even stand.
"Um, uh... w-well... y-y-you already... know my name..."
> Um uh well you already know my name YUKI.N> Correct. Unless you have changed it, you are Yuki Nagato. >
"Um... I, uh... There's not much to say about me. Uh... I'm a m-member of my school's Literary Club. I used to be the only member until a-a few days ago, when... um, when..." I adjusted my glasses, looking away from the monitor. I knew they couldn't see me, but I couldn't help but feel like someone was staring at me. "... when a boy stormed in."
Input has been chunked. > Um I uh there's not much to say about me uh I'm a member of my school's literary club YUKI.N> That is good to hear. How is high school life? Have you made any friends yet? > I used to be the only member until about a few days ago ago when um when when a boy stormed in YUKI.N> A man known as "Kyon", correct? >
A chill ran through my body. "H-how did you...?"
> How did you YUKI.N> I have met this man countless times in the past. Suffice it to say that he has a history of turning to members of literary clubs in times of distress. >
"O-oh... um, yes. His name is Kyon. I mean, I think it is. It doesn't really seem like a name, does it? No, that's so rude...! Sorry, no, I..."
> Oh um yes his name is K-On I mean I think it is it doesn't really seem like a name does it no that's so rude sorry no I YUKI.N> Do not apologize. It is not his real name. >
"Um... h-he was a little forceful at first... but he turned out to be........"
> Um he was a little forceful at first but he turned out to be YUKI.N> Interesting. I had not known him to be "forceful". Perhaps it was the situation he found himself in. >
"He turned out to be... really nice... um, h-he visits the Literary Club room every day, and once, he came over for... he came over for dinner, and..." I nearly bit my tongue. I didn't know why, but my face felt like it was on fire. For a moment, I nearly forgot about the ever-present chill in the club room.
> He turned out to be really nice um he visits the literary club room every day and once he came over for he came over for dinner and YUKI.N>
"Um...? I-is it stu—"
YUKI.N> Oh. YUKI.N> Yuki. YUKI.N> I had not expected to see such positive results. YUKI.N> If circumstances were different, I would likely be crying right now. >
This just keeps getting stranger. "W-what do you mean, 'if circumstances were different'?" I squeaked.
> What do you mean if circumstances were different YUKI.N> Pay it no mind. I am not at liberty to cry. YUKI.N> Have you made any other friends? >
"Um... well, um... Kyon found some n-new members for the Literary Club. Um... there's, uh, Mi... Mi... Mikuru Asahina, Itsuki Koizumi, and, um... Haru? N-no, Haruhi! Haruhi Suzumiya!"
> Um well um K-On found new members for the literary club um there's uh me me Mikuru Asahi Linux Itsuki Koizumi and Hal no HARUHI HARUHI SUZUMIYA YUKI.N> That is a very interesting group. YUKI.N> Have you noticed anything abnormal about them? >
"Um... Ha-Haruhi's kind of... hyper, a-and Koizumi isn't very expressive... n-no, that's mean; I mean, he's always smiling, but..."
> Um ha HARUHI'S kind of hyper and Koizumi isn't very expressive no that's mean I mean he's always smiling but
YUKI.N> I understand.
YUKI.N> You are right to be concerned about Itsuki Koizumi. That must be causing him great pain.
YUKI.N> Humour me. Is there any evidence that anything supernatural may be going on? Even the most fleeting conjecture would be
valuable.
>
Valuable? "Um... Kyon h-has a certain... um, he... he has a kind of... aura, I think... um... g-gosh, that sounds crazy..."
> Um K-On has a certain um he he has a kind of aura I think um gosh that sounds crazy YUKI.N> I do not think that sounds crazy, but I also do not think that it is supernatural. YUKI.N> You will understand in due time. YUKI.N> In any case, I am glad that there is nothing strange happening. Are you living a happy high school life? >
"Y-yes?"
> Yes YUKI.N> Good. That is what I wanted to hear. YUKI.N> I hope it is fulfilling. YUKI.N> I have gathered enough data at this point. YUKI.N> It is time for you to take your revenge against me. >
"W-what?" My face flushed. The already-frigid temperature seemed to drop by around 20 degrees. "R-re-revenge?"
> What revenge YUKI.N> I am giving you the opportunity to ask questions of me. >
I let out a sigh of relief. "Um, o-okay..."
What kind of questions could I possibly have? I've never considered the possibility of getting to talk to some sort of... omniscient god who seems to know everything about me. What do I even say!? The only thing I could think of was the one question that never left my mind, the one nobody ever had the answer to.
"Um... I... um... well, I have one question, but i-it's... You probably wouldn't know the answer, anyway..."
> Um okay um I um well I have one question but it's you probably wouldn't know the answer anyway YUKI.N> That is okay. Ask. >
"O-okay..." My voice had been reduced to a mere whisper at this point. I was so nervous, so afraid, so confused... "D-do you... do you know..." I kneaded my hands, sighing softly. It's such a dumb question, I thought, but... with how bluntly they told me to ask... "... Do you know who my mother is?"
> Okay do you do you know do you know who my mother is
For the longest time, there was no response. I watched the monitor with bated breath, anxiously awaiting their reply.
YUKI.N> I cannot tell you her name, but she is very proud of you. YUKI.N> She loves you with all of her heart, and hopes that you will grow to be a healthy young woman.
I opened my mouth, hoping to learn more about her, but no sound came out. I tried to reach for the keyboard, but I couldn't move my arms. All I could do was watch as the image on the monitor slowly faded away, plunging the club room into darkness.
At the very last moment, I saw two lines of text appear. I was able to read the first, but I only got partway through the second before it vanished.
YUKI.N> Goodbye, Yuki. YUKI.N> I will a
And then, nothing...
The Expression of Yuki Nagato
"Are you even listening!?"
I jolted awake, instinctively turning to face whoever shouted. Before me stood a girl in a gym uniform with long dark brown hair, leaning in way too closely. She fixed me with a stern glare, her lip curled into a pout, her hands planted firmly on her hips. If she hadn't been shouting at me, I'd almost say she was cute. From a cursory glance, she seemed to be the only one in the club room so far.
"Oh, H-Haruhi," I mumbled. "Um... hello."
"Geez, pay attention next time!" she groaned. "Like I was saying, that book you asked me to read was totally boring."
"Patch's Dual Nature? Um... s-sorry. Why did yo—"
"It was way too slow! It just went on and on and on, like, get to the point already!"
I opened my mouth to reply, but no sound came out. I tried to meet her eyes, but looked away just as quickly, unable to withstand her intense gaze.
"So that's why I made... this!" She reached into her bag and, with a flick of her wrist, produced a small, hand-bound book entitled "The Dual Nature of Patch Knowles". Beneath the title were the two main characters of the book, Patch and Hal, locked in a strange-looking embrace. "Written and Illustrated by Haruhi Suzumiya" was emblazoned at the bottom of the cover without the least bit of shame. "It's written way better than the original! Plus, it's a manga, so it's way more fun to read!"
"Um... aren't you going to... uh......" I gestured vaguely towards the author credit.
"Let me guess; you're going to ask if I credited the original author, right? Why would I? This is so different, it's basically a brand new story! Here, see for yourself!"
With that, she shoved the book into my hands, grinning. I fumbled with it for a moment, then clumsily took it from her. I peeked at the title page, and as I expected, the original author's name was nowhere to be seen. Resigning myself to my fate, I started flicking through the book, pushing through a familiar-looking introduction. No more than a minute later, I gasped, the book slipping from my hands as I turned away, searching for respite in the emptiness of the club room. My stomach churned as a sense of nausea exploded within me. It was all I could do to keep myself from passing out from the sight of Patch and Emilia...
"Aww, you skipped right to the good part!" she laughed, picking up the book and dusting it off. "I know I said it was a little too slow, but y'know, my rewrites were so effective, I decided to add a few scenes to spice things up a little! Really makes things more interesting, if you know what I mean~"
I looked up at her, shivering. It might seem ridiculous, but even though I only saw it for a second, I felt an urge to tear out my own throat building inside me. "Um......"
"How adorable! You've got the whole moe shy girl thing down, Yuki! You look so lost; it's like you've never even seen another girl naked before! It's so cute~!"
"..."
"So, in that scenario, would you rather be Patch or Emilia? Oh, I bet you'd be Patch! At school, you act all shy and timid, but at home, I bet you turn into a—"
"They'd never do something like that," I mumbled, my eyes squeezed shut.
"Huh? Did you say something?"
"I-I, um..." I gritted my teeth, taking a deep breath. "Patch. They said they have no interest in... that kind of thing, didn't they? I... I don't think they'd..."
"So what?" she replied, genuinely confused. "Even boring people need to have fun sometimes."
My hands, which had apparently curled into fists, clenched. I know it's terrible, but for a split second, I almost wanted to yell at her. Then, just in the nick of time, the door opened, and a knight in shining armour swooped in. He stood firm, towering over Haruhi like a statue. He glanced about the room with a stoic expression as if he didn't care what was going on, but I knew in my heart he did. As his sparkling brown eyes finally settled on me, my anger seemed to vanish completely.
"Kyon," I chimed, my face gently warming, "welcome."
"Hey, Nagato," he said, seating himself across from me. "Hey, Haruhi."
"Don't 'hey Haruhi' me!" she chided, turning towards Kyon. "You're late!"
"Late? What about the others?"
"Koizumi and Mikuru are out sick, so you're the last one here! Besides, you look like you haven't shaven for a week! Even if they show up, you still deserve a penalty for not taking care of yourself!"
He stared at her for a brief moment, then sighed, a small smile slipping onto his face. A couple seconds later, he turned towards me. "So, uh, Nagato, about that book..."
I nearly choked on my words. "Y... yes? Did- did you like it?"
"... Patch and Hal are supposed to be the same person, right?"
"Duh," Haruhi said, flopping down in the chair next to me. "It was super obvious from the beginning."
"I... it's not," I muttered.
"But then... is he a boy or a girl?" Kyon asked. "She? Is..."
"They're b—"
"She's obviously a girl," she interjected, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't you see her massive honkers?"
He stared at her for what seemed like a solid minute, before finally replying, "'See'?"
"Come on! If you really want to experience the story, you've gotta use your imagination! Immerse yourself in their world! Otherwise, you're just looking at a buncha boring words!"
"That's true," I started, "b-but..."
After another short period of silence, Kyon shook his head. "Yep. Classic Haruhi."
"I know, right?" she laughed, crossing her arms and leaning back. "I should write a book about this sorta thing!"
"What were you going to say, Nagato?"
For some reason I didn't quite understand, my heart fluttered as he looked towards me. "U-um... They're... They're b—"
"They're both."
I nearly jumped out of my seat at the sound of the newcomer's voice. I hadn't heard him enter, and from the looks of it, neither had anyone else. He was leaning against the wall next to the door, looking down at us and tapping his copy of Patch's Dual Nature against his forehead. I'm not sure if it was his eerily broad smile, his out-of-season summer gym uniform, or his markedly restrained behaviour, but something about him seemed more than a little out of place.
"... Yyyyup," Kyon sighed. "Classic Koizumi."
"I thought you were sick," Haruhi said, pouting.
"I have to say, Ms. Nagato," he said, sitting down next to Kyon, "this was a very interesting selection. It certainly gave me a lot to think about!"
"Oh, u-um... th-that's good," I replied, trying to ignore the saccharine aftertaste of his words.
"Y'know, some people say that the books people read often say more about them than the characters within it."
"Huh?" I looked to Kyon, then to Haruhi. Both seemed to be as lost as I was. "What do you mean?"
"What made you pick up this book in the first place?"
"Oh, um, w-well......" My body tensed up. I'd like to say I had read a positive review about it, or that I'd heard about it from a friend (what friend?), or that I just happened to pick it up, but I really couldn't bring myself to lie. At the same time, I couldn't tell everyone that I picked this up because of the illustration of Hal on the cover!
Koizumi let out a light chuckle. "Well, that's alright. Just remember that if you ever want to talk to me about something, I'm all ears."
"Uh... th-thanks...?" At that time, I had no idea what he was talking about. Of course I know that I'm allowed to talk to people, but...
"Back up!" Haruhi exclaimed, flipping a strand of hair behind her ear. "What do you mean, 'they're both'?"
Is that what you're stuck on? I wondered, my brow furrowing.
"Believe me, I was surprised by it too," he said, turning a palm up, almost as if he was holding a glass of brandy, "but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. After all, we get to see both aspects of her individually, and only once we've gotten to know both of them do we see the whole. If you ignore either one of her aspects, what you're left with simply isn't him. It's almost like the story of the blind men and the elephant. There's simply no way to describe him without saying that he's both male and female."
She seemed to turn this over in her head for a few minutes, then growled in frustration. "But it doesn't make sense! If she's a boy and a girl, then what's her junk supposed to look like?"
Kyon planted his hand against his face, shaking his head. Koizumi simply shrugged. "At first, I was curious about that too, but I don't think it matters. After all, it's never explained in the book. All we know is that Hal was gynecomastic, though whether you could really call that gynecomastia is debatable. What matters is what we saw. Like I said, it's impossible to describe her without saying that he's both male and female."
"Then how am I supposed to draw fanart of her?"
"I guess you'll just have to use your imagination!"
"Um!" I squeaked, desperate to change the topic before this one went off the rails. "Uh... K-Kyon?"
"Yeah?" His head tilted, setting his short hair ever so slightly asway.
"Uh... u-um... h-how's... how's your day?"
"Thank G— ah, um, I mean, y'know. 'S goin'. Yours?"
"G-good. You're here, so... a-and so is everyone else. It's... it's nice......"
He cleared his throat. "That's... good to hear."
An awkward silence fell over the room. Was that really all I could think of? When did I become so stupid? I desperately tried to hide my embarrassment from Kyon, praying that he wouldn't think too poorly of me. Haruhi still seemed to be processing the question of Patch's gender. Koizumi simply stared at her, smiling, though he seemed a bit more relaxed than usual. I could just barely hear a bird singing outside the window, probably telling their family something like, "Get a load of this girl!"
Unsurprisingly, it was Haruhi who finally broke the silence. "That idea was a bust," she sighed. "Someone remind me, what's our club called again?"
"Um... th-the Literary Club?" I whispered, unable to shake the feeling I was forge—
"Wrong! John?"
"Wh— me?" Kyon replied, jolting upright. "The SOS Brigade?"
That's right. When she first came here, she claimed she was going to set up "an SOS Brigade of her own", or something like that. Of course, if I'd have known she was going to commandeer the Literary Club to that end... I still would've been too shy to say anything.
Incidentally, about "John"... your guess is as good as mine.
"The full name, please."
"The Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade?" After a short moment, his drooping eyelids suddenly flew wide open, but I couldn't tell why.
"Right! So we need an idea that can fill the world with excitement! Reading just isn't gonna cut it!"
"It was a nice thought," Koizumi said, though it sounded less reassuring and more mocking.
"Got it!" Haruhi slammed the desk, standing in the blink of an eye. "John, do you remember why the SOS Brigade was formed?"
"Because I told you about it?" Kyon replied.
"No, no, no! The ORIGINAL SOS Brigade!"
Original? I guess that explains why she wanted an SOS Brigade "of her own"...
He raised an eyebrow. "... To feed Haruhi's boredom?"
I was a little taken aback to hear him refer to her in the third person. It's not like she's a little kid or something! ... Even if she does act like one. Constantly...
She simply glared at him, unwilling to dignify his insult with a response. After a moment, he sighed, then said, "To hunt for anything weird and exciting? Aliens, time travellers, espers, things like that?"
"Mmmm-hmm! So that's exactly what we're gonna do!"
And so, with no further explanation, she marched right out of the club room, as if guided by fate itself. Kyon followed moments later, shaking his head, as if this had happened countless times before. Despite myself, I followed close behind, praying that I could handle whatever laid before me. Koizumi brought up the rear, closing the door behind him.
"Listen up, everyone!"
After walking for what felt like an hour, we had arrived at a nondescript bus stop. Haruhi stepped onto its small bench, then turned to face us. Between her bold, almost smug posture and the way her hair fluttered in the wind, she almost looked like a hero addressing the masses. "Remember, we're looking for anything strange or unusual, so we have to pay extra-close attention to our surroundings. After all, anything could turn out to be suspicious! Now, we have a whole city to search and only seventy years to burn, so we're going to have to split up. Koizumi and I will investigate around here! John, Yuki, you two search..." She paused for a moment, putting her hand to her chin. "You two search... hmm..."
"How about the library?" Kyon suggested, slipping his hands into his jacket's pockets.
"Got it! John, Yuki, you two search the library! There's bound to be something weird there! Alright!" She clapped her hands, then raised her fist into the air. "Go team! Meet back here at 5pm!"
She hopped off the bench, proudly walking into the distance with Koizumi in tow, leaving Kyon and I alone. I looked up at him for but a moment, my heart fluttering. Was it a coincidence that he'd suggested we visit the library, or...?
"Let's get moving," he said, starting down the sidewalk. "If we keep her waiting, we're dead."
I tried to reply, but all I could do was nod slowly, shuffling onward behind him. Our journey to the library passed in near-silence, interrupted only by the sound of cars barreling down the highway, but it didn't really bother me. There was something comforting about quietly walking alongside him through the snowy streets. It was a kind of... special feeling I had felt with only one other person so far, but at the time, I couldn't quite place it.
Before I knew it, our walk came to an end, and we had passed through the revolving door separating the real world from a world of unbridled fantasy. A slight warmth filled my heart as I stared at the stacks in awe, as if seeing them for the first time once more. Back here, in the library, with Kyon... a smile found its way onto my face as I brought my hand to my chest, barely able to contain my excitement.
"It's been too long," I whispered.
"Hmm?"
My face nearly burst into flame once I realized what I'd done. "I-I, uh... n-nothing." I cleared my throat, then turned to look in Kyon's general direction. "Um... where should we start?"
"Start?... Oh," he chuckled, "don't worry about that. I don't think she'll notice if we just say we didn't find anything."
"S-so we're going to... lie?"
"It's not a lie if we really didn't see anything, right?"
"Uh..." I clasped my hands together, squeezing hard. After about a minute, I finally found the strength to nod. "I guess that makes sense..."
He smiled, then turned towards a reading area. "I'm gonna take a nap. Uh... you gonna be alright on your own?"
"I... think so."
"Alright. I'll be over here if you need me," he said, walking away.
"Take care," I tried to say, but the words simply didn't come. I watched him for a few seconds, then turned back towards the stacks. A sense of serenity washed over me as I took in the majestic sight. To think, this library must've held hundreds, or even thousands of books, so many that it'd take years just to get through the ones without any weird bits, and it was all open to me. Any book I could imagine, anything I could ever desire, was right here, at my fingertips.
And it was all thanks to him.
It was a stuffy day in the library, and I was nearly at my wits' end.
I had come to the library to find something new to read — I could tell my neighbour was at the end of her rope trying to find something I'd be interested in. I'd found a couple books that looked nice, but there was a problem: the library was packed full of people. The librarians were so busy helping everyone else, I couldn't get their attention. Whenever one became free, I tried to approach them, but by the time I steeled myself, someone else had already started talking to them. All I could do was stand there, clutching the books to my chest and trembling, hoping that someone would notice me in the massive crowd. I waited for what felt like days, so small, so alone in this crowd of people — normal people who could handle themselves in situations like this. Even children went up to the librarians, happily chatting about what they'd been reading, while I watched, helpless. I felt like I was on the brink of being consumed by despair, of running out of the library and never coming back, until...
"Hey."
I whipped my head around, afraid I had gotten in someone's way. Behind me was a tall, tired-looking man with short, yet fluffy brown hair. From his uniform, I could tell he was a North High student — the same school I went to. He looked down at me with an unreadable expression. "U-uh... I'm sorry," I choked, backing away.
"You alright?"
It was only then that it hit me — his expression was one of concern. His voice was surprisingly soft, his tone, gentle. Still, I thought, he's probably just trying to be polite...
"I-I'm fine," I mumbled, running my hand along the spines of the books. "I'm just... waiting to check out..."
"I'm pretty sure you've been standing there since I got here," he countered, crouching to my eye level. Deep in his eyes, for a fraction of a second, I saw that even he was surprised by his actions. "Are you sure you're okay? Don't take this the wrong way, but you look like you're seconds away from running away screaming."
"I..." I squeezed one of the books, looking down at the floor. "Um... they're really busy today, so... I haven't had a chance to... a-and I don't even have a library card yet, so I'd just hold everyone else up..."
He chuckled. "That's not a problem — school just started a few weeks ago. Lots of people are getting library cards for the first time. Look, she's free," he said, gesturing towards a librarian. "You can go ahead."
My heart stopped as I looked at them. They were looking off in the distance, oblivious to us. It seemed so easy on paper; just go up to them, ask for a library card, check out these books, and go home. It was all so simple, so why couldn't I bring myself to do it? I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried my hardest to will myself on, but I couldn't. It was like my feet were glued to the floor. What would I even say when I got up there? "Hi, I need a library card"? That'd be way too direct. "Do you know how I could get a library card?" Of course they would! I started hyperventilating, desperately trying to think of what I should do, until finally... someone else approached them. At that moment, something broke within me. My trembling turned into shivering. Against my will, I let out a sob, my eyes brimming with tears, clutching the books for support. Why couldn't I have gone up there? I'm supposed to be a star student; why couldn't I think of anything to say?
"Hey, hey..." the man whispered, gently placing a hand on my shoulder. Another sob tore through me. Why did I have to let his help go to waste? He's wasting his time trying to help me, and this is how I repay him?
"I-I'm sorry...!"
"It's alright. Do you, uh... do you want me to help you?"
I slowly looked towards him. Though I could hardly see, he seemed to have a certain radiance that cut through my tears. "H-help?"
"I could help you get a library card, check out the books, everything. If anything embarrassing happens, I'll take the fall. I-if you want, I mean."
I stared at him, trying to figure out whether this was a twisted delusion. Was he actually offering to... help? For some reason, I felt my face start to burn as I wiped my tears away. "Y-you mean it? But, um... wouldn't that look... weird? Everyone else can handle themselves, so..."
He smiled lightly. "Hey, if anyone says anything, they'll have to answer to me. Come on, now's our chance." He stood, then started heading towards a free librarian. I followed behind him, slowly shuffling my feet. By the time I got there, he'd already started talking to them.
"... friend here needs a library card. How could she go about getting one?"
Friend? Though I knew he was just trying to cover for me, my heart skipped a beat.
"She'd have to fill out this form," the librarian replied, pulling out a small stack of papers. "There's no fee for checking out materials; she just has to return them on time."
"Thanks." He grabbed a pen from the desk, uncapped it, and offered it to me, along with the form. I reached out to grab them, but... his hand was so big, it covered most of the pen, and... if I were to take it, I... I'd...
"It's alright," he said. "Leave it to me, then. So, uh... what's your name?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the librarian raise an eyebrow. I tried to ignore them, focusing on the man's welcoming expression. "Um... Nagato," I mumbled. "Yuki Nagato. Uh... Nagato as in Nagato Province."
"Yuki as in snow?"
"N-no, as in 'having hope'. Uh..."
Slowly, but surely, we worked through the entire form. He returned it to the librarian, and after a few minutes of typing, they reached beneath their desk and took out a card. "Ms. Nagato," they said, looking down at me, "this is your library card. You can use it to check out books and CDs whenever you like. It's good for three years; after that, you'll have to renew it. Understand?"
I nodded my head, staring at the card in awe. For a long time, it'd seemed like something that'd always be just out of my reach, but now...
"Do you want to go ahead and check out those books?"
"Um... mm-hmm."
I handed the books to the man, and he passed them on to the librarian. Mere seconds later, he returned them to me, along with my new library card. I held it aloft, my eyes watering once more. "Yuki Nagato" was printed right there, plain as day. I turned to the librarian, then to the man. I had no idea what to say. "Thank you" wouldn't be enough, and after everything he'd done for me, it'd just come off as stupid. Unable to think of anything, I bowed my head, walking out of the library, resolving to head home and cry into a pillow so I could process what just happened.
As I left the library behind, I could hear a faint voice that almost sounded like... mine. It was monotonous, but I couldn't help but notice a hint of contentment.
"Yes... that seems about right."
As my recollection came to an end, I found myself amidst a sea of books. Without even realizing it, I had started wandering through the stacks. Though the shelves loomed over me, I felt a sense of comfort standing in their shadow. At that moment, I was just a tiny, tiny thing surrounded by eons of human knowledge, of hopes, dreams, of love, peace, of death, sadness, of fantasy, reality. For the briefest of moments, I felt like I had been freed of all limitations, that I had finally reached nir—
"Waah!"
Before I knew it, I found myself on the floor, the world around me blurry. After a few seconds, I managed to find my glasses, and clumsily shoved them onto my face, looking up at whoever I'd run into. Before me stood a meek young woman in a North High uniform. Between her long orange hair, the way she was shivering, and the fact that she looked like she was about to burst into tears, it would've been impossible not to recognize her.
"Oh...! I-I'm so sorry!" she cried. "I wasn't looking where I was going!"
"N... no, it's fine," I replied. "I-I was lost in thought, and..." After a moment's thought, I hastily picked myself up, dusted off my skirt, then bowed. "I, um... I should be the one apologizing."
"Are you hurt?"
"I think I'm okay," I said, smiling weakly. "Uh... it's good to see you, Mikuru. Are you feeling better?"
"Huh? Oh! Umm... yes! I... I woke up a while ago feeling much better, so I... decided to visit the library!" Her voice had faded to little more than a squeak.
My eyebrows shot up. She'd only started feeling better "a while ago"? "Hang on," I mumbled, unzipping my bag. After rifling through it for way too long, I found a box of surgical masks, popped it open, and handed one to Mikuru before I could waste any more of her time. "H-here. You could still be sick, after all, and..." No, no! That sounds like I'm accusing her of something! "I-I mean...!"
"Oh, uh... thank you!" She took the mask and, after struggling with it for a few seconds, fit it snugly against her face. It's crazy, but for a moment, I couldn't help but think that she looked a little cuter in it.
I closed the box and zipped up my bag. "So... are we... I mean, should we..." I swallowed. "A-are you..." Come on, Yuki! Say something!
"I'd love to hang out," she replied, her voice slightly muffled, "b-but I... I can't talk right now! I'm... but... you might be just who I'm looking for... wah! No, I...!" She squeezed her eyes shut. "That's not what I...! I said too much!" With no further warning, she barreled past me, nearly knocking me over once more. I turned, but she was already halfway across the library, stumbling up the stairs to the second floor.
"You might be just who I'm looking for"? What did she mean...? I rested a trembling hand on my cheek, nearly cooking it to perfection. My heart skipped a beat. Could she... Does she......? I shook my head. No, of course not! Get it together! There's no way...! I took a deep breath and hurried onward, desperately trying to convince myself that I was imagining things. As I weaved through the aisles, I ran my hand along the spines of the books in a feeble attempt to calm my nerves. Occasionally, I stopped to pull out a book or two, but for the most part, I just meandered along, losing myself in the depths of the library.
After a while, I had amassed quite a stack of books, and my legs felt like they were about to give out from under me. I sighed in relief as a reading area came into view, but nearly tripped over my feet moments later. There, at the far end of a sofa, was Kyon. As I shuffled closer, I saw that he was fast asleep, his head bowed as if in prayer. His mouth just barely hung open, and his snoring was a gentle as a kitten's purring. He was... adorable. As if by instinct, my hand found its way to my heart, and my face nearly burst into flame. I frantically looked around as I approached, searching for another spot, but every other seat was taken. There was plenty of room on the sofa, of course, but... But what would happen if I sat this close to him? What if he thought I was some sort of creep? What if he woke up and started interrogating me? What would happen if he leaned just slightly to the left and fell onto my shoulder...?
Eager to get rid of these weird thoughts, I sat down and buried my nose in one of my books, trying not to think about it too hard. Still, I couldn't get it off my mind. What if I accidentally bumped into him and woke him up? Would he be mad? What if I lost my balance, and I was the one who fell on his shoulder? What if...
It was only then that I felt it — a burning sensation, as if someone was watching me. I looked up, and sure enough, I saw a young girl with black hair as thick as a tree trunk staring a hole into my forehead. I hid my face behind my book, trembling. Everyone's staring at me... Now everybody knows that I'm a freak who can't even keep it together around a silly boy. Good going, Yuki...
After several long minutes, I was finally able to relax a little and start reading. The feeling of being watched, however, refused to go away, even after I'd pushed my way through several chapters. I peeked past my book, and just as I thought, the girl was still staring at me. It's kind of rude to say, but she was starting to creep me out. Was there something wrong? Did she want to talk to me? Was she lost in thought? Was I that much of an embarrassment? I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what I should do, but was quickly interrupted by a loud yawn.
"Oh, Nagato," Kyon mumbled blearily. I slowly turned to face him. Strangely, the way he was rubbing his eyes almost made him look cute. "You find something?"
Without thinking, I nodded. "Y-yes. Um... good morning." ... Really? It's just past 4 pm...
Nonetheless, he smiled at me, then pulled out his phone... and nearly choked on his own tongue. "Dammit! It's already 4:45! Come on," he grunted, standing up, "we gotta hurry!"
With that, he hustled towards the exit, not looking back for a moment. I clambered to my feet and started to follow, but only made it about a meter before something struck my chest. I looked down and saw... a book? I checked my own stack, and it was one short. Apparently, I had dropped it. I took the book and turned to thank whoever picked it up... but froze. Standing there was the black-haired girl, her face only a few centimeters away from mine. Her gaze locked with mine, her beady black eyes staring right into my soul. I felt a strange burning sensation on my cheeks. What on Earth? I thought, taking a step back. What's this girl's deal? What... what is this? I backed away sheepishly, too stunned to speak, then bowed and ran over to the checkout counter. If she responded in any way, I didn't hear her, and by the time I turned to leave, she was already gone.
As I walked alongside Kyon, hustling towards the bus stop, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I knew, rationally speaking, that this was just a chance encounter, and that I'd never see her again, but...
I slogged on toward the bus stop, panting heavily. My legs felt like they were made of lead, and I felt like I was about to collapse. Kyon, on the other hand, hadn't even broken a sweat. I really need to get out more often. The thought echoed dully through my head, as if my very soul was slowly fading into nothingness. ... But... I'd really rather stay inside and read...
As the bus stop finally came into view, we were greeted by a grumpy-looking Haruhi, impatiently tapping her foot on the bench. Koizumi was sitting next to her, smiling brightly, but still clearly exhausted. I hesitated for a moment, but pushed onward, hoping that Haruhi wouldn't be too mad. Kyon sighed, but didn't even skip a beat. As soon as we got within shouting dist—
"THERE YOU ARE!" Haruhi yelled. "Where were you? It's already 5:01! I've been worried sick about you guys!"
"I know, I know," Kyon grumbled.
I didn't really know how to feel about her calling me a guy, but I kept my mouth shut. She hopped off the bench and ran up to us, closing the distance in seconds. "So, didja find anything?"
"Nope," he replied. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Just an average, everyday library."
"Um..." I squeaked. Though it sounds crazy, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was up. On one hand, he was probably right. Mikuru had probably just come to find something to read after sleeping off her illness, and that weird girl was probably just shy, like me. On the other hand... "Um, I... I saw Mikuru, a—"
"Quit joking around!" she replied, her tone snippy as ever. "Mikuru's not weird!" She shook her head, rubbing her eyes. "I guess I should've seen this coming. I mean, of course we're not gonna find anything on the first day. If strange things popped up that easily, you'd see them all the time!"
"I guess we're just gonna have to keep looking," Koizumi said, apparently having joined us. Am I imagining it, or was Haruhi startled...?
"Right! That's exactly the sort of energy the SOS Brigade needs! Always looking forward, never giving up, and never slacking off! You could learn a thing or two from him, y'know," she chimed, winking at Kyon. "And Yuki, too. Look at all those books she's got!" She swooped over to me, her hand hovering over my stack of books. I took a step back, but she was still way too close. "She was probably looking for magic tomes or something! I mean, she didn't find anything, but..."
She froze. Her eyes flew wide open, and her mouth curled into a small frown. She stared at the books for what felt like an hour, then swallowed. "The Rise of Endymion..."
"Y-you... Have you read it?" I asked, smiling slightly. Is this...? Could this be the thread that connects us? Could she be a Hyperion fa—
"I know it's part of the Hyperion Cantos," she mumbled, "so I know that it's one of the most boring books ever written."
"Oh..."
She stared at me for a few more seconds, then stood up straight. "Forget everything I just said," she muttered. After a few seconds, she whipped around to face Kyon and Koizumi, posing dramatically. "I think we've found something!"
I clamped a hand over my ear, whimpering in pain. Kyon stared at her like she'd just said she was a god. "For real!?" he exclaimed.
"As a matter of fact, they're right here among us!"
"Here?" Koizumi said. "Oh my."
"I was skeptical at first, but it's actually pretty obvious, if you think about it. First, I'm definitely not an alien, time traveller, or an esper. If I were, I'd know!"
"Yeah, right," Kyon mumbled.
"Second, let's consider John Smith here. Now, any reasonable person would say he's suspicious. One day, out of the blue, he starts talking all this nonsense about 'other worlds', 'where's Haruhi', 'SOS Brigade', blah blah blah, we all know how it goes. At first, he'd just seem insane, but then you realize that he knows things nobody should know. People he's never met. And you just have to wonder, how? Could he be... an esper?"
"Of course not!"
"Correct! You're definitely weird and exciting, and again, any reasonable person would suspect that you're some sort of alien, time traveler, or esper, but lucky for us, I refuse to believe the lie of 'reasonability'! It seems clear to me that you were just an unfortunate bystander in an accident beyond your control!"
... What on Earth is she saying?
"So now we move on to... you! Itsuki Koizumi!" She struck a pose, pointing at Koizumi like a lawyer in a courtroom drama.
"That's me," he chimed, flashing a grin.
"I don't think it'll surprise you to hear that you seem pretty fishy. Like, you smile, like, all the time! Nobody could be that happy!"
"I guess I'm just lucky."
"Are you? Or are you hiding something from us? Maybe... some great tragedy in your past?"
"..."
"Or rather... in your future? Could that tragedy have been a terrible incident that you couldn't prevent... or perhaps something that you've come back to prevent? In other words, could you be... a time traveler!?"
"Hmm... that doesn't seem likely."
"Right you are! If you were, you wouldn't have been suspicious of John at all! You would've just told me to trust him or something!"
"Would you have believed me if I did?"
"And so, that leaves us with one suspect."
I checked over my shoulder, then glanced around nervously. Did Mikuru show up when I wasn't looking? No... no such luck. The only ones there were an incredulous-looking Kyon, a smiling Koizumi, a smirking Haruhi, and—
"YUKI NAGATO!"
"Aaah!" I stumbled backwards, nearly losing my balance. I clutched my racing heart, looking up at Haruhi with fear. Of course, I had no real reason to fear her, but that voice...
"Now, Yuki here seems pretty ordinary. She tries her hardest to blend into the background, never speaking up or trying to stand out. Her coquettish shyness seems like it's just supposed to reel in the ladies. She's just your average everyday moe moe meganekko... or is she?"
"I... I don't..." "Tries her hardest to blend into the background"? "Coquettish"? Is she even talking about me?
She giggled at my confusion. "But think about it. What kind of girl goes to an empty club room all year long just to read? What good is that? Can't she just do that at home?"
"Um—"
"Speaking of which, isn't it weird how she's so obsessed with books? She just reads, like, all the time! She's so focused on her books, she barely even TRIES to talk to people! It's almost as if she's trying to gather intelligence. As if she's trying to learn more... about human civilisation. And that adorable shyness of hers... is it really shyness? Or is it just that she doesn't know how humans express themselves?"
That last sentence hit me like a stab in the gut. Social interaction had never been my strong suit, but I had thought I was doing so much better since I'd met Kyon...
"And speaking of books, anyone who's ever met her could tell you she's a huge sci-fi nerd. Every time you see her, she's always got her nose stuck in a weird book about a bunch of dorks in space. It begs the question... why? Could it be because she can see some aspect of herself in these books? But what?"
I mean, I guess she has a point. I'm not a very adventurous person, but I do like how sci-fi highlights the achievements of smart, capable individuals, even if they were quiet and reserved. Of course, all the adventure of being an astronaut would probably be too much for me, but...
"With all that, you might start to ask yourself... is it possible? Could it be? Is Yuki Nagato... an alien?"
"N-n-n-n-n-n...!" I tried to protest, but couldn't even force that one word out.
"Hold on," Koizumi said, holding up a hand. "That sounds pretty farfetched, if you ask me."
"I thought so, too," she muttered, her hand on her chin. "I had my doubts, but to be honest, I never really thought Yuki could be an alien... until today. Earlier, I gave her a manga (made by yours truly, of course~), and she started flicking through it... but stopped when she saw a scene with two girls exploring each other's bodies. Now, you might be thinking that she's just a regular old pervert, but that's not it at all. Honestly, I think I might've preferred that."
She took a deep breath before continuing. "What happened next was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. Her face turned pale — paler than mine, even, almost like a corpse. The manga fell from her hands, and — BOOM! — landed on the floor like a weight. She was shaking, violently, and she looked up at me like she had no idea what to do."
"P-please stop..." I whispered.
"At first, I thought it was pretty cute, but now that I think about it... it almost looked like I had killed her mom or something. Weird, right? The most pleasurable experience known to humans — arguably the very THING that makes us human! — and she just couldn't process it at a—"
"Haruhi."
I gasped, slowly turning my head. Was that... Was I imagining things, or...
"Don't you think this is a little personal?" Kyon asked, taking a step towards her. "You're making her uncomfortable; just look at her!"
"And don't you think that's suspicious?" she retorted. "Why should she be uncomfortable? No, there's no doubt in my mind." She turned to me, pointing a finger right in my face. "Yuki Nagato, there's nowhere left to run! Admit it: you're an alien, aren't you!?"
I tried to object, to yell, to refute her, to say something, anything... but I couldn't. My heart pounded in my ears, blocking out any attempt to think rationally. My mind begged me to run before she snapped further, but I simply stood there, my mouth just slightly opened, praying that someone would save me from this mess.
...
........
...........
.........................
I felt like I'd been hit over the head with a dictionary. I slowly opened my eyes. The world around me was a blur. I tried adjusting my glasses, but that didn't seem to help much.
"Are you alright?" someone asked. "That was quite a fall."
After a few moments, I started to get my bearings. I was still at the bus stop, but I was sitting on the bench. Koizumi was next to me, fanning me with what looked like his math homework. Kyon and Haruhi seemed to be bickering in the distance, though I couldn't hear them clearly.
"I..." I mumbled. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. "I dunno..."
"Sorry about that," Koizumi sighed. "Ms. Suzumiya's a good person at heart, but she can be a bit of a handful sometimes."
A bit? I winced, cursing myself for thinking something so rude. "It's alright. She... she probably just got carried away..."
"She is pretty excitable. I guess she still has a lot to learn about talking to people."
I stared at Kyon and Haruhi for a couple minutes. I hope they're not too mad at each other, I thought, gingerly wiping the sweat from my forehead. Kyon seems really mad, though... and Haruhi's yelling pretty loudly...
"I'm sorry..." I said.
"You have nothing to apologize for."
I stared at my hands, kneading them softly. "I-I mean, Haruhi... Haruhi was having fun, right? But I..."
"Hey."
I looked up, only to see Haruhi staring down at me. Her arms were crossed, but her expression was... softer than usual. "Uh... y'know, um... I know I said a lot of stuff about you, but, um..." She took a deep breath, then closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"I-it's okay! You don't have t—"
"Look, how was I supposed to know you were so weak that you'd pass out? I... I... I didn't know I was being that awful. For someone my age, something like that should be unacceptable! I..." She turned her head, groaning. "I don't even know what to say. I should've been... gentler, or something."
"It's okay, really."
"No, it's not! I..." She glared at me for a few seconds, then sighed, relaxing slightly. "Now, c'mon. John's treating the Brigade to dinner." She extended a hand. "You in?"
I stared at her hand. Should I...? I mean, that was the first time I've fainted in my life... but... I met her eyes for a split second. ... she really seems like she means it...
Before I knew it, I had taken her hand, and she had pulled me up. She smiled, then turned on her heel, facing Kyon. "Alright! Let's go!"
I walked down the street by myself, finally heading home. It was fairly quiet today — everyone was already nestled up in their homes, enjoying the company of their families. A blast of freezing wind struck me, sending a shiver down my spine. I pulled my coat around me, sniffling. It's so late... I hurried on, hoping that I wouldn't run into any creeps before I got home.
Fortunately, I made it to my apartment building without incident. I entered, waved to the man at the desk, then got into the elevator in what felt like one fluid motion. I pressed the button for the seventh floor, then leaned back against the wall. As I waited, I couldn't help but notice my breath freezing around me. The year's almost over... It all happened so fast. I just can't believe I'm actually starting to make friends...
Finally, the doors opened onto the seventh floor. I stepped out, rubbing my eyes. I hadn't had a day this busy in a long time. It's embarrassing to admit, but even just from that, I was exhausted. I trudged towards my apartment, eager to settle down at the kotatsu with a long book and a warm cup of tea. As my door came into view, I noticed...
"Oh! You're back!"
... my neighbour, Ryoko Asakura, leaning against the wall. Her long navy hair fluttered in the breeze as she turned to me, smiling as brightly as always. She looked nice and cozy in her fluffy, oversized sweater, though I got the feeling that even in this bitter cold, she'd be just as happy wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She hurried over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders. "Are you alright, Yuki? I've been so worried! Where have you been?"
"Um, I, uh..."
"Oh, dear, you look like you're about to freeze to death! Come on, let's go inside." With that, she opened my door, ushering me inside. I walked in, feeling more than a little strange about being invited into my own home, then turned on the lights and the heater. She followed close behind, locking the door behind her. As I sat down at the kotatsu, I noticed a small container and a stack of bowls that weren't there this morning.
"Surprise," she chuckled, sitting to my right. "I thought you could use a little something to warm you up." She removed the lid of the container, revealing a delicious-looking ramen garnished with mushrooms and pork belly, simmering in a milky broth. "Of course, it's probably cooled off a bit by now. I didn't expect you'd be so late!" She took up a bowl, ladle, and a pair of serving chopsticks, and crafted a flawless bowl of ramen. She set it down in front of me, giggling. "Go ahead and eat; I don't want you to catch a cold or anything."
"Thank you very much," I mumbled, taking up a pair of chopsticks. I hadn't eaten much earlier since I didn't want to burden Kyon too much, so I was still pretty hungry. I took up a few noodles and, after a moment's hesitation, slowly downed them. The rich, creamy broth's warmth slowly spread through me, thawing my body bit by bit.
"You're so quiet, Yuki." She made a bowl for herself, then grabbed her own chopsticks. "You must be the only person I know who eats ramen so quietly. It's adorable, to tell you the truth."
My face grew even warmer, and I couldn't help but smile. "Um... thank you."
She slurped down a few noodles, then sighed, leaning towards me and placing a hand on her cheek. "You look exhausted. Just where were you today?"
"Thu— ah..." I cleared my throat. "It was a club activity. We split up to look around for strange... happenings, and I got to visit the library."
"Oh, how wonderful!" she chimed, beaming. "But... looking for 'strange happenings'? And it's just you and Kyon in the club, right? Don't tell me you went out there all by yourself, Yuki! I would've gone with you if you needed someone!"
"I wasn't," I replied, raising a hand. "Um... we got some new members a few days ago."
"Really?" Her eyebrows raised as she slid closer. "You have to tell me about them!"
"O-okay, um..." I rubbed my neck, looking down at my bowl. "There's Haruhi. She's... um, energetic. It... this is probably kinda mean to say, but she's really bossy sometimes..."
"Some people are just like that," she laughed. "So excitable, so full of life."
"Uh... there's Mikuru. She's really shy and sweet, but Haruhi keeps bullying her. Uh, she didn't show up to today's meeting, but I saw her at the library."
"Wait, Mikuru Asahina?"
"Y-yes!" I gasped. "Do you know her?"
"I've seen her around a few times. I'm not surprised someone like Haruhi would pick on her," she sighed. "Mikuru's wonderful, but she's so vulnerable. Some people, right?"
I giggled. "And then, uh... Koizumi. He's, um... I don't really know. He's kind of... creepy, but..."
"Most men are!" She returned to her position, then ate a couple mushrooms from her bowl.
"And, um... we renamed the club. I mean, Haruhi renamed the club. It's called the 'SOS Brigade', I think."
"Is that a cry for help?" She glanced into her bowl for a moment, then sighed. "Poor girl. If I ever see her, I'll have to have a talk with her." She was silent for a moment, then turned back towards me. "So... is Kyon still in the club?"
I nodded, smiling. "Mm-hmm. He... he went to the library with me today." My hand naturally found its way to my heart, balled into a fist out of habit. I looked off into the distance, my face growing warmer and warmer. "It was nice... he fell asleep, and... he was so... s-so cute..."
"Kyon?" she chuckled. "Yuki... I wish I could see the world the way you do. I really do. I just don't see what's got you so worked up about him."
A jolt ran through me. That was the most blunt thing I'd ever heard Ryoko say. I slowly turned to her, my hands balled up in front of me. Did I say something wrong? "Uh... he's really nice. I told you about how he helped me get a library card, right?"
"Uh-huh."
"He's also... really interested in what I have to say... and he usually walks me home every day."
"What about today?"
"We went to a restaurant, and by chance, we ran into his parents, so they went home together."
"Uh-huh."
"But he... I mean, uh..." I glanced towards my bowl, then sheepishly looked back up at her. "... what do you think about him?"
She put a hand to her chin. "To tell the truth, I don't really trust him."
"What do you mean?"
"Like I said, most men are creeps. A few days ago, around when Kyon joined your club, he started acting... weird. He said all these things about how I shouldn't be in class, wouldn't stop asking where Haruhi was, and acted like he had no idea there was a flu outbreak." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she leaned closer to me. "I don't mean to make any accusations or anything, but I think he's gone crazy. I wouldn't trust him if I were you."
"But..." I squeezed my hands, staring down at them. There's no denying that he was acting really weird that day when he barged into the club room. Still... "... he knew things he shouldn't have known. Um... like... he knew about Haruhi in the first place."
"He probably heard about her from one of his friends."
"But he also knew about Mikuru and Koizumi! A-and he managed to find a note in my handwriting that even I didn't know about, and he knew he had to search through the Literary Club's books to find it. And, um..." I cut myself off, putting my hand to my mouth. I didn't dare go further, or else she'd think I was crazy, too. "Um... I just know. He seemed a little... excitable at first, but deep down, I know he's good."
She shook her head. "That's how they get you. They lull you into a false sense of security by pretending to be all nice and gentle, then, once they reel you in, they never let you go! You've gotta be careful, Yuki! You're a growing girl who's incredibly meek and incredibly attractive, so you're a prime target for psychos. Don't let your guard down just because he smiled at you a couple times!"
"A-attractive?" I gazed into my ramen, pushing a mushroom around. "I, um... I don't think I'm... I'm just a lonely weirdo. It's a miracle that Kyon even looked my way. There's no way I could be attractive."
"Are you kidding?" She glared at me like I'd just told her I was an alien. "Have you ever looked at yourself? Your fluffy gray hair, those adorable amber eyes, those cutesy glasses, the way the nape of your neck is just barely exposed, the way you tremble when you're afraid, your frail little... Yuki, saying that you look like a model would be an insult! You're in a class of your own!"
I stared at her, brow furrowing, frantically trying to figure out what she meant. I'm cute, I guess, but attractive? Just what on Earth is she talking about? For a long time, I thought those were the same thing. Is she making the same mistake? But then, what does the nape of my neck have to do with anything? Or my glasses? Or my frail... whatever? I kept trying to work out what she was thinking for what felt like half an hour. One thing did bring me a bit of peace: at one point, she licked her lips, apparently distracted, then turned away when she realized what she'd done. Even she's not immune to her own cooking.
At last, I sighed. "I guess."
"See?" She smiled, sitting upright. "That's why you've gotta be careful around him. You never know!"
"Thank you," I said, returning her smile. "I... You're right. I shouldn't be so careless."
With that, our conversation lapsed into silence, and we turned our attention to our meals. As I downed another few noodles, I couldn't help but remember how lucky I was to have a friend like Ryoko. Usually, I'd get so wrapped up in reading and homework that I'd forget to eat, often for days on end. The fact that I had someone who would not only go out of her way to bring me some of the best food in Japan, but also keep me company through dinner... I wasn't really religious, but to be honest, I couldn't help but wonder if she was some sort of blessing from the gods.
We finished our meals at about the same time. I looked up at her, gently tracing the rim of my bowl with my finger. "Um... thank you," I muttered, "for, um..."
"Of course!" she replied, turning towards me with a grin. "I hope it wasn't too bad or anything."
"W-what? No, it was wonderful! Th-this..." I turned to my bowl, my face glowing once more. "... I think this was the best meal I've had. Ever."
She let out a giggle, then stood and collected the dishes. "Before I go... it's getting awfully close to Christmas, isn't it? You got any plans?"
"Um..." Now that she mentions it, it's already the 23rd. Just over a day away... "... I don't. But, um..."
She tilted her head. "But what?"
"I... I don't know if Haruhi has anything planned for the SOS Cl— SOS Brigade. I mean, that sounds kind of dumb, but she's very... spontaneous."
"Doesn't seem very dumb to me! But still, if you're free, I'd be honoured to have you over on Christmas. My folks are throwing a party at noon, and they'd love to meet you!"
"W-what?" I covered my mouth with my hand. This was the first time I had been invited to a party in my life. What should I do? What should I say!? I grabbed the collar of my cardigan nervously. "Um... th-thank you! I, um...!" Too loud! I cleared my throat. "Thank you. I'd love to. I'll ask Haruhi if she's planning anything tomorrow."
"She gonna eat you if you don't go to her party?"
"I wouldn't be surprised..."
She let out one last giggle, then waved goodbye and turned to leave. As she walked out the door, though, I heard her whisper something under her breath...
"She'd better not."
I nestled into my futon, sighing softly. Getting to eat with Ryoko was fun, but it had taken the last of my energy. I closed my eyes, eager to get a good night's sleep, but...
Should I...? I mean, that was the first time I've fainted in my life... but... she really seems like she means it...
I couldn't help but think about what had happened earlier today. Should I really have forgiven her so easily? Actually... had I forgiven her? A chill went down my spine. I'm being kind of mean to her, aren't I? She made a mistake and she admitted it, right? I should just let bygones be bygones. She just has trouble relating to people. She... she's like me. That's all.
Still, I couldn't get today's events off my mind. The way she accused me of being an alien, that manga she had written, how she'd called Patch "boring" for having no interest in... Those thoughts continued to simmer in my mind for what felt like hours. Eventually, though, I realized something.
Kyon trusts her, right? And he's a pretty good person, so...
I wasn't completely satisfied, but that thought did bring me some peace. With that, I uneasily drifted off to sleep, the same way I did every day.
That night, I had a strange dream. I don't really remember much about it, but I was sitting in my apartment. Except for the kotatsu, it was completely empty, but I could hear a fire burning in the distance. Sitting across from me was the girl from the library. For hours, she just... stared at me. She was... I don't know how to describe her. She almost looked like a doll, and I might've believed she was if she didn't keep opening her mouth every so often.
Eventually, she mumbled something that sounded like gibberish, then asked me for... something. Where she was? Where to find a...? How to...? No matter how hard I try, I can't remember...
At around 4:00, I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding. It almost felt like the room had frozen over. In spite of my thick weighted blanket, I couldn't stop shivering.
I don't know why, but I felt like I was going to die.
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