｡ﾟ☁︎｡↟↟𓂃 ོ ☼𓂃↟ 𖠰𓂃｡ﾟ☁︎｡ﾟ hi, it's moi! welcome to my little nest in the ever-branching internet, where i'm collecting my thoughts and making a home of them. ...
i’ve just come home from (what is likely) my last-ever vacation with my eldest sister. she isn’t sick or dying, which i am thankful for, of course. but, she is planning to enter seclusion at a convent on the other side of the world instead – something i understand even less than death. when i first started questioning my faith in the 8th grade, i confided in her. she ended up telling my mom, who…
lately, i have been feeling this sort of chronic, lingering 'overwhelm' (for lack of an actual proper noun to use. maybe “doom” works here too. given the state of the world maybe that is the most appropriate word). it started sometime at the end of march and i’ve struggled to shake it since. i feel sticky and sluggish almost everyday. both the dread sitting in the back of my mind and the…
the only nice weekly spread from my planner i would never consider myself type a, but i love my planner. i started using physical planners in 2018 or so when i first started college and have somehow kept the habit to this day, though with varying degrees of diligence every year. the pandemic was particularly difficult, there was not much joy in planning out when i had to turn on my computer to…
mtg year of the horse 2026 plains art there is no value in romanticizing a life that does not move and cannot move. every light left on, speck of dust, wrinkle, and drip stain is accounted for. even when she’s not here, the camera she set up to watch our cats is now always watching me. so there’s no point in pretending 2025 was anything worthwhile. it was just another year i happened to be there…
how do you get to know someone who’s already gone? i’ve realized that i know so little about my dad. when he was still around, i was still too young to see him as anything more than a parent. truthfully speaking, i know more about my friends’ fathers than my own. it feels ironic and stupid then, that i grieve him so deeply. a dead person can only introduce themself through whatever they’ve left…
i feel that for the past 6 months i've been in limbo, reframing my view of my world (over and over). i get it . i get me . and then i don't. i'm always grasping at straws trying to understand this dread stuck in the pit of my stomach. i feel it eating at me, but i'm thin-skinned and i'm just waiting for it to finally burrow through. 1 i think i'm reluctant to admit that things are, for the most…
a couple months before he passed, we bought a hospital bed for my dad. he hated because it gave him nightmares, but he couldn’t breathe well if he wasn’t propped up. to this day, i wonder what he dreamed of and i wonder why i had never asked. 1 i’ve always been a vivid dreamer, and i unfortunately have many recurring nightmares that have haunted me since childhood. they’ve followed me across each…
it was hard to write anything at all on the cruise ship last may. i'd spend so much of the day walking that by night time my feet were fast asleep before i was. i also generally found that there was so little for me to say. i could only describe X, Y, and Z as “so cool” & “so interesting” so many times before it got dull. so i’ll say it just once here! each stop was, in fact, so cool and so…
hello! it’s been a while since anything at all. june wasn’t uneventful or anything (quite the opposite, really!). i was just lost for words and it’s taken me some time to find them again – life lately has felt like a lot, when it really shouldn’t have been. i’ve finally started a new job after my month-long vacation in europe. i’m still working in design, which is still not really my ideal (even…
warning: contains spoilers for gennarose nethercott's thislefoot & a lot of meandering! each of my tour guides here have said the same thing. "in rome, a hundred years is nothing." 1 and it rings true. when i ran my hands along the remaining stone walls of constantine's basilica (circa 300s) in the vatican grotto, i felt very strange. i've never dreamed of lasting. honestly, the only thing i truly…