art in your head doesn't count.

this is a song lyric of mine. i made this image a while ago, and it just came up in my social media memories. it’s haunted me. really, really haunted me.

about 9 years ago, a major fire in oakland claimed the lives of at least 30 artists, musicians and music fans gathering to hear live electronic music at an artist collective warehouse named Ghost Ship.

those were friends of friends of mine, back when I lived in the bay area. there was footage of my friends weeping in the streets, broadcast on CNN. there were friends who lost several — SEVERAL — friends in the span of minutes. my facebook feed was chock full of safety checks, desperate pleas for info and memorial posts, community grieving and calls for action.

i’m thinking of the duo Introflirt. its two members were both killed in the fire. i can’t wrap my head around the thought of a band ceasing to exist because its members ceased to exist.

and i wonder what would have happened if it were me.

and i wonder how much of my music, my purpose, would be lost to the world.

when i go, so will my unfinished songs.

that’s why my brain is returning to this line.

art in my head doesn’t count.

art.

in.

my.

head.

doesn’t.

count.

if i ceased to exist tomorrow, and my music isn’t out in the world, that’s it. that’s the end.

i can’t let that happen.

not everyone is afforded the privilege of being alive and creative. and so, in honor of those who died, i am going to stake my claim and say yes. yes, i’m alive and i’m going to do something with that privilege. yes, i believe in my music. enough to risk everything. yes, i will create while i still have the chance.

for them.

i’m committing, recommitting, and will recommit again, to make sure the art i have in my head does not remain there.

it can’t.

it mustn’t.

that’s not what art is meant to do.