ARE MY RECOVERED MEMORIES REAL? PART 1: MDMA & THE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS “INSANE”

Experiences

MDMA, ayahuasca

Themes

Child abuse, sexual abuse, recovered memories, PTSD, suicidal ideation

Ed couldn’t sleep.

It all started when his daughter nearly died on an escalator. The frayed attention started then too. So did the fits of rage.

As exhaustion & problems piled up, Ed’s life slowly spiraled out of control. Nothing he tried had worked. Nothing helped him sleep or made him less angry.

Finally, as a last-ditch effort, Ed tried psychedelic therapy.

But the experience didn’t cure his sleeplessness, it just handed him a mystery:

A recovered memory that might explain everything.

If… it was real.

Chapters

• (00:00) Intro.

• (03:03) The escalator.

• (04:48) Fits of rage.

• (07:51) Plotting the end.

• (10:10) Recovering the memory.

• (13:31) Was it real?

• (15:27) Why is the memory repeating?

• (17:42) Part 2 teaser.

Notes

• Edits: To focus this episode’s themes and narrative, we cut down Ed’s analysis, observations, narrativizations, & story. We also cut all of Alex’s questions & comments. Other edits are limited to dead space, audio blemishes, unnecessary words, & unessential content. We consulted with Ed, & he approved this flow.

• Theme song: Secret Wilderness’ theme song is “Winter Solstice” by Löwenzahnhonig. Released by Inselgruppe, published by A Tree in a Field.

• Other music: We used the tracks “Lost Place Atmospheres 002,” “5 vor 12,” “Lost Place Atmospheres 001,” & “Shadows In The Dark,” by Sascha Ende. This music is free for commercial use under the CC BY 4.0 license.