Absolutely Shattered

Five interviews over the course of six weeks. My first bite in over 13 months of finding a job.

I applied to over 200 jobs (yes, seriously) in the course of a year and not one HR interview. Not one screening. Just a collection of rejection emails piling up in my inbox.

Then, not only did I get an interview for a job. I landed two interviews with two different companies. Both within the past month. And guess what?!? I got to the last interview round for both positions.

I was ready to get back to work full-time and in-house.

Then something happened. Something that I had postponed for the past year. I got to dream again.

The icemaker that broke…we can finally replace it! Missing my niece and nephews…we can actually go visit them! That health treatment I’ve been considering…we might be able to afford it! And the trip to Ireland we’ve been dreaming about for our 10-year wedding anniversary…that actually might happen! Also, that student loan debt…that could be gone by the end of the year.

This hope that I had packed away because we lost our health insurance and my income when I lost my job in Jan 2025, was renewed. I was able to dream of a situation where I could transition from survive to thrive.

But then…

I got an automated email from a no-reply inbox saying that, after a month of relationship-building, they went with a different candidate.

Gutted.

Wrecked.

Ruined.

My face went numb.

I had an anxiety attack that lasted for 90 minutes.

And you best bet that I cursed out God.

Why would he allow something so cruel to happen to me? I was fine living in the land of realism for the past year. I made it through it. I could keep going. But then the proverbial carrot was dangled in my face, and I remembered what it was like to eat. And then it was pulled away.

Hope felt cruel and pointless.

To be honest, I’m not angry at not getting the job. I am fully accepting that I did the best that I could; I represented myself honestly and authentically. And I wouldn’t have changed a single thing I said.

But the hope…that’s what did me in…

»Read part 2 (coming soon)