Keep the Heart Fluid & Soft

“Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible.”

- Francis Weller

I’m doing a May challenge called Create Every Day in May created by some collage friends. I decided to revisit my Rolodex Reminders project as part of it. I have not posted every day and am not doing one particular thing. I am making these rolodex collages, postcards, and tidying up my art space as part of it! Just one small thing per day.

In 2021, I found an old Rolodex in a thrift store and thought it would be a fun way to keep track of my favorite quotes while adding collage backgrounds (see photo below). My hope is to eventually fill the entire Rolodex and pass it on to my daughters, so they’ll have words of wisdom to lean on when they’re older.

Lately, I’ve been moving through a lot of grief, and I’m learning that it’s anything but linear. It may not be something I ever fully process.

Since November, my dad has been sick. It’s been a constant cycle of ups and downs. Now it feels like we’re entering the declining phase, and it’s incredibly painful to watch someone you love suffer. The anticipatory grief is very real.

Even though my relationship with my dad was complicated at times, he’s still my dad. I see all the ways he’s been a meaningful and wonderful part of my life. So much of who I am came from him: my creativity, my love of nature and animals (especially dogs), my sense of humor, and my need for quiet reflection and time to make art.

Creativity is such a beautiful gift to have inherited. His artwork even hangs in our home. It’s heartbreaking to think that a part of who I am is preparing to leave this world, and yet comforting to know that the things he lovingly created will continue to live on.

There’s a part of me that knows, even in the midst of this pain, that it will somehow be okay. I have creative tools that help me move through it. I have a supportive community who will show up for me, just as I’ve shown up for them. That’s such a gift.

Our society often pushes us toward isolation and competition. It can make us believe that resources are scarce or that we have to do it alone. But the truth is, we get each other through. We are each other’s resource. We help carry one another through the hardest parts of being alive.

And yet, even in spaces meant for healing, there’s often an unspoken pressure to show up with love and light, but not your heavier emotions.

I’ve seen this happen in some healing circles, though thankfully there are also spaces that welcome the full emotional spectrum. Peaceful and “high vibe” energy is often embraced. But when you show up feeling raw, it can sometimes be met with discomfort, as if you’re doing something wrong to not stay above it.

I’ve been guilty of this too, and not necessarily bypassing it, but wanting the uncomfortable emotions to pass quickly. I just want to feel happy again so I can help others feel happy. I don’t want to be a bummer!

But true healing, and even enlightenment, requires us to know how to move through all states of being: grief, joy, and everything in between. The more we honor it, the more we allow it to move through us. And we need more of that, together.

Our society celebrates birth with baby showers, gifts, and joyful rituals, but when it comes to death, we tend to step away.

I’m so grateful to the people who have helped me through this. It has made all the difference. You can have all the money in the world, and yes, it might make some things easier. You might be able to book a great massage, work with a skilled therapist, or attend a beautiful retreat.

But if you’re grieving without connection, none of that truly matters.

It’s your people who hold you up. The friends, neighbors, family members, death doulas, hospice nurses, artists, and even online connections. We are not meant to do this alone, even though we’re often made to feel like we should.

At the end of the day, and at the end of my life, what I’ll be most proud of and grateful for are the relationships I’ve nurtured.

Not how many followers I had.
Not how many hours I worked.
Not how much money I made or what awards I won.

Those things come and go.

What truly matters is how I showed up for others, in the ways I could, when I could. If you’re in my life in any capacity, please know that I am here for you.

Reach out to your people. Be there for each other, even if it’s just a quick text. With everything going on in the world, we don’t all have the energy to bake a lasagna or send a care package. But the small gestures do matter. Sometimes showing up simply means showing up in the ways that you can.

Below is a pic of the entire Rolodex so you can get an idea of it! Thanks for reading.

Here are a few things you may find to be helpful:

• Check out some more examples of quick and fun daily-ish projects I enjoy doing here on my website.

• Make Art Every Day: A Weekly Planner for Creative Thinkers – A planner with creative exercises, reminders, art techniques, and over 500 stickers. Here’s a peek inside and a review.

• Renegade Grief by Carla Fernandez – A compassionate book about navigating grief on your own terms, honoring all emotions, and finding healing outside conventional norms.

• Grief Dialogues: Out of Grief Comes Art – A podcast series exploring how grief can transform into creative expression and connection through storytelling and the arts.

• Index-Card-a-Day (ICAD) Challenge by Daisy Yellow – Ideas for creating a small piece of art daily on an index card. It's low-pressure, process-focused, and ideal for cultivating a regular creative habit! I get lots of inspiration from here. Thanks!