Introducing: Incapable of Small Talk

I don’t know what this is, or exactly why I’m doing it. Like Dev said, “What’s the gain if I put music into the vortex?”

I write a song a week, many weeks it’s many more. Sometimes in my home studio, but more often than not, on planes, in hotel rooms, or at the coffee table while my son eats breakfast. I find cracks in time when I don’t feel guilty for not working on something else. At the end of a session, about an hour or sometimes two or three, I feel better than I did before, and even more importantly: I know more about myself. Something that wasn’t clear before, but now is, even if vaguely.

Some of the songs have, are and will become actual productions, which has its own joy, but it takes time. But what if there’s no more time? The thought haunts me. If I die early, or soon, most people I care about, or even just know, wouldn’t know that these songs existed, however raw or unfinished they are, let alone the context of them, regardless of whether they care.

I’m very aware of the realities of releasing music right now, into the void and all that, especially for someone that works with musicians, but those connotations don’t interest me. They seem irrelevant. I could justify it by how long I’ve been writing songs, how dedicated I am to getting better, but it’s just not relevant. What’s relevant is simply the fact that I’m doing it. How many people hear it isn’t important. I can think of maybe 5 people that I’d really want to understand, and if even one of them read just one of these posts to come, I’d be happy. If it were zero, I’d still feel whole.

I don’t know how this will work or what shape it’ll take over time, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m going to share audio files. Unfinished demos of thoughts. I might give context, I might not.

For whoever does read this, please know: I really like making music. When I do it, I feel better. If it’s right or wrong or true or strange or magical or offensive, it doesn’t matter. When I write, all things are possible, and nuance exists. “The grey area between black and white.” For now, everything to come is unedited, I realize the dangers in that, and I mean it all.

Thank you for listening, if you do.