There’s an old adage that says if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. And that has been very real real. It feels like a whole fortnight sitting on the edge. Probably leaning more towards the cry side. Hoping to get back to the laugh side at some point. But firmly balanced on that edge the whole time.
We closed the last episode in a bit of a state of flux. Not really sure which direction we were travelling. Hoping we were on the up.
Tony Robbins (i think) says
You need to know when you’ve hit the bottom so you can stop digging.
Two weeks ago I thought we might have hit it. Turns out we found a way to keep digging. Physically and metaphorically.
When we put the deposit down on this house, our dream house by the beach, we had no idea where Indi would land. We didn’t even properly know something was up at the time.
Since the build finished and we moved in, it became clear from day one that this is not the house for her. We’ve modified everything we can. Trampolines everywhere. Swings. Turned the garage into a gym. Removed anything that looks nice from every room. Triple locks on doors.
Still not enough.
The last few weeks even the rugs have gone, because they were going in the mouth and more.
I hit a breaking point and thought right, what’s the next solution?
Spoke to the real estate agent. Spoke to the mortgage broker. Is there any way we can find a house that gives her the space she needs?
A very polite, empathetic, big fat no.
Apparently banks aren’t huge fans of single income households where that income is startup salary, there’s a student wife and three kids. So that option’s gone.
All that was left was the front garden.
I called Allie’s cousin and said come and take our giant trampoline. It’s yours.
Then I called her cousin-in law who’s a landscaper and said if we dig a massive hole in the ground and rip this place up, can we put an in-ground trampoline, grass everywhere else and nothing she can eat or injure herself on?
He said yes.
We quietly agreed not to contact the council and just started digging. Evening graft. Every night after work. Full Great Escape vibes. We got it done. Trampoline’s in. Grass is in. Tiny bit left to finish.
Now Indi can theoretically move from the gym garage through to the trampoline and grass without us holding our breath every second.
It’s not perfect.
But maybe it’s enough for now…..we’ll see. I’ll report back on whether the blood, sweat and tears were worth it.
It’s been two+ years since Allie and I had a proper night away celebrating something.
Last Friday we had her cousin’s wedding. We said yes. We’re going. We’ll find a way to cover the kids. It was a big project management exercise, but we made it happen.
Then … on Thursday night at 1am, Indi woke up vomiting thick black acidic sick. Not ideal timing. But that was always going to happen.
Clean up done. Log everything in the indi app before trying to sleep.
The app pushes me. That sick doesn’t sound right. Has she eaten anything unusual?
Yes. She’s eaten everything. Then I remembered she’d eaten a leaf from a plant earlier that day. We couldn’t get to her in time. Jaw clamped shut.
Take a picture of the plant. Upload it.
So I’m on the poison hotline at 1:30am. No major concern. But not great. By the time we’d dealt with it all, she was fully awake. Up from 1am through.
At 7am, i’m doing my best to keep my eyes open, indi still raving, she climbs the sofa, pulls a surfboard off the wall and smashes it on my head.
That was the morning of the wedding 🫠🫠🫠. Physically & emotionally gone. We somehow get all three kids ready. Drop offs done. By the time I drop Indi at Yarrabah she’s asleep. They let her sleep all morning.
We drive to the wedding on three hours sleep.
And it was beautiful. Phillip Island. Perfect weather. That family are incredible. Kind. Thoughtful. Just good humans.
But weddings are weird when you’re grieving something.
You see father daughter moments.
Siblings.
Family speeches.
People talking about their future.
It’s all beautiful.
And every single one pokes at something inside you.
Add three hours sleep. Add three years of emotional turbulence. Add a few glasses of red wine. Not the best combo.
There were moments it was just too much for both of us. Then you feel guilty for feeling triggered at someone else’s joy. That’s the bit that messes with your head.
It was beautiful.
It was brutal.
It was both.
Maybe that was the bottom. Hopefully.
Once you’re there, you can stop digging and start climbing right?
Sunday we took the kids to a birthday party. Indi had been invited by her little friend. Indi did Indi. Harper did Harper. It was great.
She didn’t join pass the parcel.
Wasn’t interested in dancing.
Absolutely hammered the cake.
She had a great time.
That family were inclusive and thoughtful and didn’t make it weird. Those moments matter more than people realise.
The app is delivering.
Nine clinics live. More in the backlog.
We’re slow playing it a little as we test. I’m not burning through families in need just to help us learn. Laser focused on unblocking a few pieces in the flow from clinic through to active parent. Once that’s nailed, I’ll put my foot down on acquisition.
For now we’re still in experimental mode. And it feels good.
We also took a stance this week on a policy change that’s about to impact the lives of a lot of families and clinics. We’ve been watching for six months.
Now it’s time to use our voice.
I shared something on Instagram. Worth a read 👇🏼👇🏼
I’ve retired from LinkedIn.
Thank God.
I realised I haven’t come off that platform once this year feeling better about life. It’s just noise. Posturing. Metrics dressed up as meaning.
Our customers aren’t there.
Our parents aren’t there.
Our clinics aren’t there.
So why am I?
Spoke to my coach. We looked at it ruthlessly.
No strategic reason.
No emotional upside.
So I turned it off.
If you’re trying to find me there, you won’t. You’ll have to find another way.
Transparently, I’m fried. Not tired. Not in need of a 20 minute nap.
This feels deeper.
The physical, mental and emotional relentlessness of the last three years has caught up with my body. I can feel it.
That’s not dramatic. It’s just awareness. Step one is acknowledging it’s a thing. Step two is figuring out what to do about it.
Current leading suggestion is buy a sauna, which I could absolutely get behind. Just need somewhere to put it and $$ to fund it lol. Get ready for the GoFundMe campaign!!
As always, thanks for following along. I promised this blog would be real, transparent, no AI generated poetry and cringe false motivation. Just how it’s been and how it feels.
So today, I just hope your fortnight has been slightly less unhinged than ours 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 Orrin xoxo
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