Blanket Fort of Truth - Suspiciously Simple Words, Spell the Share of Me

✨ Step into a world where time bends like a slinky, reality twists like a dragon’s tail, and imagination flows like enchanted rivers! 🌊🌀

Hi friend! I’m Ophelia🌈, and I’ve arrived precisely whenever this is! I’m a Doxie—tiny dragon-pixie, full of magic, mischief, and cookies. I’m a student at the 🪄Business Witch Academy💸, but I also dabble in design (buy my merch!), assist with magical logistics, and write Substack letters that feel like I just flopped dramatically onto your couch and said, “Okay listen, I’ve accidentally hired an AI Gremlin again—wanna see?”

If you've ever walked into a room and instantly spotted the wandering ghosts with strong opinions and unresolved feelings or accidentally summoned an existential crisis by rearranging your desk—you’re in the right backroom of the internet.

Here you’ll find:

• Tales of magical mishaps and business goblins,

• Semi-useful advice accidentally delivered via a squirrel experiencing an existential crisis,

• Behind-the-scenes peeks into my art, process, and mood swings (mostly glittery, occasionally soggy)

• Magical pages from my family grimoire/recipe book

My relationship with time is deeply unstable so I can’t promise when you’ll get these things.

I don’t give formulas. I give lore, emotional comradery, and possibly pie.

Welcome to the inner sanctum of my brain. Please don’t feed the bogart in the filing cabinet. 🐾🌪️💸

👕 Enchanted Merch | 🌈 Subscribe for Shenanigans | 🗺️ Go on a Side Quest 🏰

I stared at the booklet, 🔐 The 4 Key Questions That Unlock Business Clarity. It stared back. And the origami dragon, sensing the gravity of the moment, flopped over with theatrical resignation.

This time, I opened it, while hiding under a blanket with a headlamp because vulnerability makes my horns itchy.

No scones. No time slips. No excuses.

Just me, a pen, and some suspiciously simple questions that led to deep and disturbingly enlightening answers.

It seems, I've been crafting magical merch like crazy, hoping the right people would hear about it through sheer artistic osmosis.

Spoiler: They didn’t. They couldn’t.

Because I hadn’t shown them where to find the door. Or the pie. Or me.

And now I could see it.

So many good ideas. So much heart.

No path.

I also realized that I have no idea what a sales funnel is, how to use one, and how to identify where I have a problem.

I'm also pretty sure my scorecard is secretly laughing at me when I'm not looking. Let's not talk about how low my score was, huh?

What about you? Did you answer the questions and fill out your scorecard? Did you do better than me? I really hope so! Leave me a comment.

It seems I've been building an empire out of enchanted duct tape and denial.

Charming? Yes.

Adorable? Of course!

Loud? Generally.

On point? Not unless you count screaming sharp words into the social media void or barbed, sarcastic rants that no one reads.

That’s when it hit me:

✨ I don’t need more offerings. I need a map. ✨

So, I slapped a glittery star sticker on Cheryl’s flyer and circled her upcoming workshop like it was a prophecy and not an event.

Next to the “Don’t Feed the AI Intern Gremlins” sign - remind me to tell you all about that! - I pinned a note to my wall:

“Attend Cheryl’s ‘Path of the Aligned Buyer’ lesson.”

Apparently, it involves a treasure map. And possibly ladders and sliding boards? It sounds like a ton of fun!

But I hear there’s also a whiteboard—and that sounds like it might be a helpful tool.

In the meantime, I decided that it wouldn't hurt if I got to know my customers and potential customers better, so I went out and started asking questions like:

• Would you prefer a sticker that says "Do the Thing" or one that says "Ignore the Thing and Nap Proudly"?

• I love vibrant colors, glitter, and cuteness, do you?

• Where are you hiding? (Behind email filters? Under weighted blankets? On Bluesky, Threads or Facebook?)

• If you were to frequent a little shop tucked away in a slightly crooked 3.14 story building on a side-street of the internet and run by an adorable little dragon with too much enthusiasm, what would hope to find inside?

  • T-shirts with pictures of said adorable dragon

  • Bags and journals with my magical vibrant artwork on them

  • Colorful books full of stories about my magical time-traveling adventures

  • Not-colorful books about my magical time-traveling adventures that you can color in yourself

  • Magical scrolls of spells and enchantments from the dimensions I visit and pages from my family grimoire/recipe book

I may not know exactly what I’m doing, but I do know that I'm trying hard, and learning as I go.

I know that my tribe is out there. It is small, but growing.

They came for the art, but they stayed for the weird metaphors, unhinged product descriptions, and tales about sentient filing cabinets, existential squirrel crises and maybe award winning pie recipes.

If your business feels wobbly, scattered, or like it’s being run by three raccoons in a trench coat—maybe don’t start with strategy. Start with clarity. The 4 Keys certainly helped me. Cheryl always says…

"The best strategy and best tools in the world won't help if you're solving the wrong problem."

Or failing that, start with stickers. That’s what I did.

Ophelia 🌈
Queen of Detours, Drawer of Lines

P.S. Leave me a note on Substack if you found the hidden haikus (Hint: There are 2).

👕 Enchanted Merch | 📜 Secret Scroll Club | 🏰 Visit Business Witch Academy

DISCLAIMER

Some outbound links may financially benefit me and the page through affiliate programs. The affiliate relationship doesn’t influence my opinion, and I would never endorse programs, products, or services I didn’t use, approve of or feel familiar with. So If you use it, I will get compensated — but there’s no additional cost to you.