I got the fear...

Well, well, well. If it isn’t my huge insecurities deciding to rear their heads once again. Because if there’s one thing I know about me, it’s that if a lot of eyes are suddenly dissecting my work… I’m going to want to run and hide.

And that’s exactly what happened when my last note on here went a little bit viral. Suddenly, an article I’d written as a stream of consciousness, had a lot of people getting eyes on it. Over 400 people responded to a post I’d put out, which had people directly hitting subscribe on my page. And I felt the dread, the responsibility, and the pang of shame start to rise up.

Because why on earth should anyone care about what I have to say on here?

As my last article was correctly titled… You now all have the solid evidence that i do in fact like to get in my own way, because rather than celebrating and connecting and joining the dots with this little community of like-minded folk, I ran away.

I didn’t write anything.

I couldn’t even think of anything to say without the overwhelming burden of being worth listening to sitting heavy on my shoulders.

It’s part of why for the last 18 months, I have struggled to put pen to paper with my songwriting.

Full disclosure, in 2024 I found myself in a situation which had me silenced, without a voice. I’d tried to speak out and been punished for it. Quite publicly. It’s no wonder that all the pain and heartache that came from that situation had pushed that little voice of inspiration in my mind as far down as it can possibly go.

Because god forbid a girl have an opinion and shout about it? write songs about it? scream about it from the rooftops?!

So I find myself now, several months later, sat alone in a hotel room in Athens, once again letting the consciousness flow. The thoughts pour out. Slowly, I feel myself wanting to write again. Music and words. Memories and stories. Letting my voice go where it feels it needs to go.

I am setting this out now as a quiet declaration. A manifestation, if you will. This is the start. I’ve decided to take the first step to getting out of my creative woods. The trees are pretty tall, pretty thick and blocking a hell of a lot of sunlight, but for the first time I feel mentally ready to take a walk. I’ve got space. (Something I am absolutely going to write about next.. because it’s a universal truth that we need space to create!)

This time, I promise not to run away again. So i’ll see you all very soon. just after I take these first few steps!