Fall in love again and again

When I was thinking about what I wanted most out of this new year, the most important thing was to be on my phone less, not as a temporary goal, but as the rule of the land. I wanted to build in practices that encouraged me to not need to pick up my phone in my downtime.

Ironically, this led me to start something in January that involves posting content online. It’s funny, I know.

With the start of the new year, I sat down to set some goals and realized it would be a dream to have time to make something every day. I’ve been learning to sew after years away from it, but I’d also been thinking about creating a more visual journal and getting into handicrafts. I started thinking about what this could all look like and realized that in my dream world, I would wake up each day and replace scrolling on my phone with making something useful.

That’s how I decided to make something every day in January, and it felt important for me to have a way to document it and share it.

Normally, when I decide to swear off social media, I just Brick my phone for a full week and get through the hump of debilitating boredom. That method doesn’t work this year.

Now, I make my project of the day, film and edit the video about it, post to TikTok and Instagram, and interact with social media for a short period of time. I have to have the willpower to Brick my phone multiple times, and then each day it all starts over.

In many ways, this feels like I am fighting the final boss of my social media consumption, but it’s been super effective because I don’t have time to scroll forever. My real life is still happening, I am doing my freelance work, working part-time, hanging out with friends, cooking, doing our house errands, and watching a ton of The Celebrity Traitors UK. And then, of course, I am also brainstorming a project each day and actioning it.

I am having an absolute blast. So far, I’ve made two bags, some fleece beanies, a beaded necklace, a junk journal, and a hand-embroidered sweatshirt for the Stranger Things finale. I’ve also upcycled some picture frames and tackled my mending pile.

And I get to do it for at least three more weeks!

Speaking of which, I mentioned it briefly above, but I got a part-time job.A couple of months ago, the stress of trying to balance all that goes into losing a parent right after losing a grandparent got to me. I was trying to juggle the work of acquiring new freelance clients, doing great work for my clients, and meeting all my deadlines, navigating a new family member’s health crisis, being in the middle of several probate cases, cleaning out my mom’s place in another state, and filling out loads of paperwork, all while being crushingly sad.

One day it was fine, and the next it felt like it might swallow me whole.

When that happened, I knew I needed help, and I called a therapist I had a loose connection to to schedule an emergency session during which I made her cry because of how desperately I was trying to hold a life together that was actively falling apart.

It was then that she told me I needed to stop working for an extended period, and I think I laughed in her face, which I felt bad for later.

In addition to the paperwork, talking to the lawyers, and handling all of the logistics of loss, there is also a good deal of expense involved in losing someone. I had also taken off 100 days in the last 10 months. The time off didn’t really help. I am someone who enjoys working, to a fault most of the time. I like keeping my hands busy.

I decided to not follow my therapist’s advice and instead landed on getting a part-time job. What I really needed was structure. What I really needed was a break from acquiring new work. What I really needed was to go on autopilot. If you know me, you know I’ve been self-employed for most of my adult life, with a brief stint at a design agency. Getting a part-time job felt like a huge decision.

Without much hesitation, I reached out to a friend who had been so kind to me in the months since losing my mom, offering words of support from her own experience despite having never met me in real life. She is also the owner of a gift shop and stationery store that has long been my favorite place to shop for birthday and holiday gifts.

I messaged her to ask if she was hiring, and, as if by magic, she was.

A couple of weeks later, I started working there a couple of times a week, and it has, without a doubt, been the best decision I’ve made for myself in 2025.

My coworkers are genuinely the kindest, most interesting, delightful people. It’s given me a structure to my schedule that has made life much easier to navigate. And during the holidays, I felt like one of Santa’s elves, helping run the store where everyone in Nashville shops for their loved ones.

We had our holiday party this past week, and I am just so in love with the community of people I get to be a part of there.

I am still freelancing, but I’ve gotten to step away from the constant need to acquire new work and it has been the balm I didn’t know I needed.