Where There's a Will, There's a Way

“A man can do what he will, but not will as he will.”
— Arthur Schopenhauer

What Artie is saying rather obtusely is, you’re free to do whatever you desire, but you are not free to choose your desires. Basically, the heart wants what the heart wants, right, Artie?

If life is meaningless, that’s on you. You fucked up. Take some responsibility and get a life. The meaning of life isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ thing – you go get yours. I find meaning in laughter, joy, connection, dick jokes – in that order – but those are just my touchstones. You get to decide what they’ll be for you.

Have you ever been to a wedding and seen two people proclaim their undying love for each other, describing their new spouse as the most wonderful person in the world? You know both these people and they’re good people, but ‘the most wonderful’? A stretch, right? But good for them, they found each other. The meaning of life is a lot like love: it’s not the same for everyone and it’s down to you to decide what’s right.

What do you want? That’s the key question in life. It’s why I’ve already said it so many times. And don’t worry, if you don’t catch it this time, I’ll be saying it again.

There’s this fellow, Abraham Maslow, you may already be familiar with him and his hierarchy of needs. He was a psychologist who basically made his name on a triangle, like an Egyptian pharaoh. And he’s the neediest motherfucker you’ll ever come across – he literally wrote the book on being needy.

His insight is that you need to take care of certain shit before you can take care of other shit. Wait, it gets good. You need to sort out your food, shelter and basic hygiene first. The Bear Grylls stuff gets priority.

The next level is safety and security. Security and safety sound like the same thing. But really, safety is all about ‘Is there a bear?’; security is all about accumulating wealth – there are scarce resources and we want our share. And for some people, that is their main drive: security. They don’t ever get to the next level, because they never feel secure enough.

Once you’ve taken care of survival and security then you can move on to connection, that is, familial relationships, friendships and intimacy. Or as Maslow didn’t put it, mums, chums and bums.

After that, you’ll want to start working on your self-esteem and think about where you belong in the world. Then finally you can focus your attention on fulfilling your purpose.

I’ve got to say, this guy Maslow is right. You’ve got to take care of business before you take care of business. A Buddhist monk in a monastery in Kathmandu might tell me that all I need is spiritual enlightenment, but I’ll also need the Wi-Fi code.

People sneer at first-world problems, but what are you going to do? You can only deal with what’s in front of you. You know what they call self-help books in the third world? Firewood. They need to eat, they’re not worried about any of this shit. First-world problems are important: am I good enough, am I fulfilling my potential? Third world problems are urgent: will I eat today, where is the safest place to sleep and how is my ongoing relationship with the secret police?

As the dramatic hero in your story, you are out to get something. Like Homer in The Odyssey, the Golden Fleece is the MacGuffin, the bullshit to drive the story along – if you didn’t study ancient Greek, it’s like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction.

The adventure is the thing. It’s the journey, not the destination.

‘Never complain, never explain.’

Jimmy