Edition #232 | Read time: 5 Minutes
Hi Mamas,
☀️ Happy Tuesday.
If summer has you questioning whether you’re doing enough...welcome. You’re in good company.
As working moms, summer has a funny way of convincing us we’re falling short.
👉 We feel guilty that they’re spending another week with grandparents, babysitters, or at camp.
👉 We feel guilty that we’re answering emails from the pool.
👉 We feel guilty for ordering pizza instead of making the cute fruit skewers.
👉 We feel guilty that the neighbor kids seem to be having more “core memories” than ours.
And if we do manage to take time off to soak up summer, we feel guilty about everything waiting for us back at work.
But the only true part of mom guilt is that it doesn’t help anyone. We’re always going to want to be giving more of ourselves to our kids (when we’re focused on work) or to our jobs (when we’re prioritizing family time.) So how do we deal with this exhausting cycle?
Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano said it well: guilt can be helpful when it points us toward something we truly want to change. But so much of what we call “mom guilt” is really just unrealistic expectations and impossible comparisons.
Tattoo this on your forehead if you need to: You’ve got this and we’re your biggest cheerleaders!
Summer does not get a performance evaluation.
Your kids don’t need a perfect summer.
They need a mom who isn’t crushed under the weight of trying to create one.
Also, since it’s the first newsletter of the month, don’t miss our July Must Reads at the bottom.
Enjoy!
—Paula Faris & The Carry™ Team
This week in The CARRY™ ALL, we’re talking about:
🧠 A Summer Mom Guilt Mindset Shift
🛒 Outsource One Thing
📫 One of Our Favorite Connection Tools
As always, this is a space for our Carry™ community to connect with each other. Leave a comment and keep the conversation going. And, we bet there’s another mama that would love The Carry™ All in their inbox, too. Pass on the love!
As working moms, we know guilt can feel like the soundtrack playing in the background of summer. There’s no shame in feeling it. We just don’t want to let it unpack its bags and start bossing us around. G’BYE. SEE YOUR WAY OUT GUILT.
Here’s some more advice from Niro Feliciano we’re taking with us for the rest of the summer. (You can read the full interview with her HERE.)
“Stop ‘shoulding’ on yourself.” The shoulds, coulds, and would’ves can send us into a spiral.
“I should be taking them to the pool more.”
“I should be making homemade snacks.”
“I should have more planned for the summer.”
“I should be soaking up every second because they only get 18 summers.”
When those thoughts creep in, ask yourself:
➡️ Is this guilt pointing me toward something I genuinely want to change?
➡️ Or am I holding myself to an unrealistic expectation?
It may not be guilt at all.
Could it be grief because you can’t be in two places at once? Comparison? Or simply evidence of how deeply you love your kids? Maybe!
One last reminder from Niro: Focus on what did go well instead of only noticing where you fell short. We have a feeling that if you made a list of everything you carried this week, you’d realize you’re doing far more than you give yourself credit for.
P.S. If you need a laugh, There Are Moms Way Worse Than You is a good one. 😉
What’s the one thing that consistently drains your time, energy, or patience? Is there a way to spend a little money to buy one of those things back?
A few ideas:
🛒 Grocery pickup. Last week in the newsletter you all voted and Walmart+ pickup and delivery seems to be the fan favorite.
🥪 Camp lunches. You know you can send the same lunch every day, right? And yes, good moms still pack Lunchables sometimes. 😉
🧼 House cleaning. If a full-house cleaning isn’t in the budget, ask for just the bathrooms or floors or bed linens. You’re paying them. It’s okay to ask for exactly what would help you most.
👧 Hire a mother’s helper. Whether you use that hour to answer emails, prep dinner, fold laundry, or simply drink your coffee while it’s still hot, it can be a more affordable option.
We hear you. We all want to put our phones down, look our kids in the eyes, and be fully present. But sometimes...life just lifes.
One of our favorite low-lift connection tools is a shared journal. And if you’re not a journal person, stick with us.
Think of it as the parent-child version of voice texting instead of calling. You can respond on your own time but you still get to connect. Pass it back and forth on the kitchen counter, tuck it under a pillow, or slip it into a backpack.
It’s simple, tangible, and a meaningful way to stay connected in the margins of busy life.
📚 Click here to grab a copy of these reads. Read anything lately that you can’t stop talking about? We’d love to hear it! Drop it in the comments at the bottom of the newsletter. Your rec might be exactly what another mom needs!
The The Paula Faris Show is taking a short break for July, which makes it the perfect time to catch up on any episodes you may have missed this year.
A few listener favorites:
💙 Relationships series (Feb) with Dr. Gary Chapman
💉 Let’s Talk GLP-1s - An honest, nuanced conversation about one of the biggest health topics moms are navigating right now.
🧩 The Enneagram Series (April) with Ian Morgan Cron
🤍 “I Wish Someone Had Told Me...” (May) with psychotherapist Niro Feliciano
So many conversations that are honest, practical, and hopefully make you feel a little less alone. 🎧 Catch up wherever you get your podcasts.
🛒 We have to admit...we were a little surprised by last week's poll! So many of you still shop in-store. Is this your weekly excuse to browse the aisles, grab a Starbucks, and enjoy a little solo adventure? Honestly, we respect it. 🤍
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