For those who are angry with God

I’ve been going through a lot lately, and showing up for my creativity is getting affected. I connect a lot of my creativity with Jesus, and I’ve been bitter whenever I speak with Him, if I’m being honest.

There was a talk shared at church (that I know God has prepared for me to get my attention) and he talked about how for a long time he was mad at God because his sister got into a really bad car accident, and when his whole family prayed for his sister, she still died. I didn’t realize until then that I was also mad at God.

Two things, the speaker (let’s call him Mr. Willows) said that stood out to me

First, what’s good about being mad at God is that you believe there is a God that exists

Second, what’s not so great is,
well, because I’m mad at Him

When one is angry with someone, there are more deeper emotions involved that you may be feeling too, like

fear, confusion, hopelessness, pride, a self-preservation your body signals to protect yourself, a deep well of mysterious, heavy sorrows that incessantly scream involuntarily in your head

And eventually, like Mr. Willows, his deep well of sorrows created a barrier of stirring anger towards God overtime

Last night, I asked my husband, what this verse meant

Psalm 23:5

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

The cup part was weird to me

Me: Is it like the bitter cup or something?

Hubster: Maybe it’s like the cup of blessings?

And my husband was right. I learned that in ancient times, hosts fill their guests’ cup to the brim as a sign of deep respect and affectionate welcome.

So then I imagined, the Lord inviting Mr. Willows and I to His table, and Him preparing the table for all our other stirring emotions, giving my trials and tribulations a seat, and Mr. W and I looking at each of them with anger, asking the Lord why they’re here.

And Jesus, telling us that He has anointed us, chosen us
And as He pours our cup to the brim, He pauses as I ask

Why do bad things happen to good people?

I look at His hands as He stretches both arms towards our faces,
i cried some more as i remembered

Gethsemane, gethsemane
’…love and grief beyond degree’

(and as always, He was right, I feel better after writing all this. LOL)

I also hope that you can find the courage to keep seeking Jesus, and let Him make all these things holy before you, to even make you holier, after all we can do.

Don’t let resentment shape you, and let Jesus.

☕️🕊️☕️