my comfy froggy home :3
  on friday my throat started to feel that way it does before i get a cold or a flu. fortunately i had the next two days off so i could fight it and get back to work. my attendance has been an issue, every morning im like an old car that you have to kick, curse at and turn the key at least thirty-two times to get the engine running. depression, everyone has it; who am i to show up late and…
i find myself in a darkness like what becomes of one's vision once a thousand meters below the surface of an ocean. conscious that yes, light exists if i travel up; that yes, it's a long way to go. it'll require strength i'm not sure i presently possess. indecision becomes decision, becomes uncertainty again. tired. more than tired. not sure a word exists to describe it, maybe a combined song of a…
there's something that gets glossed over or not said about deprogramming after being in a cult and maybe its not so much a cult thing as it is a my particular experience thing. in any way, some combination of my step mother's psychological abuse and the brief four month period where i worked for a self help grifter/small-time cult leader, has led me to where i've been for a while now which is: i…
the disabling reality of depression is one that's uncomfortable, embarrassing and humiliating. sure, we've made progress over the years; when we apply to jobs, we can disclose depression or other mental illnesses as a disability to our employer but in other ways at least for me, i still feel socially ostracized sometimes.. this morning, i had the day off or so i thought. i woke up to my boss…
its been two, maybe three years since i was last in therapy. in that time, i was stalked by a creep across two jobs, then my best friend, izziah died. when izziah passed, i knew i definitely needed therapy and soon, it was just that insurance was up in the air and i didnt want to wait a year to talk about my feelings; so i just didnt seek out a therapist. i'd looked at pyschology today's lists a…
It's been a little while since i wrote anything here. Primarily, this is because I got swept up in the need to hyperfixate on my hobbies amidst the current goings on in the world. I needed an escape, so into my shell I went. a couple years ago, I decided I wanted to challenge myself and learn one of those "alternate keyboard layouts". I'd been pretty passionate about mechanical keyboards for a…
C O N T E N T W A R N I N G Sexual Assault , Violence , Death Threats please read at your own discretion. I Feel Like Andy Warhol Specifically after he was shot by Valerie Solanas. I've always had a hard time connecting with people. making friends never came natural to me. It's not a unique experience at all, but still it's one that has always been particularly present in the way i go through…
theres gonna be an update to xfce soon and im like so hecking excited about it > too excited about it but this is my blog so its froggy rules over here :3 for those not in the know, xfce is a desktop environment for gnu/linux and freebsd. its mascot is a cute lil mouse, so i refer to it as 'the mouse desktop' because 1: mouse mascot ofc and 2: its very lightweight and fast just like a mouse c:…
a soft sunrise, quietly peeking through trees. smoke carefully billowing through a chimney, its hearth stretching throughout a home; like a blanket, so carefully. one by one, as the families wake. a crescent of sight, with beauty and light; outside, and among the trees, a proud wood, pine and mulberry. a mother awakes, followed soon by a child; and the others too, just soon in a while. bouquet of…
u ever just like, chillin, havin a good, easy day? well i was and im sure the rest of it will be good too but theres often this moment where my brain attacks itself. everything will be fine and then some neuron goes "oh fuck! something bad will happen!! now maybe?!" and it's almost always completely unjustified, literally nothing was wrong the moment before but all of a sudden, here i am. heart…