I sat down with the internet’s favorite ex-girlfriend and Girls, Disrupted co-host yesterday, just days after my own heartbreak-in-New-York-City-induced panic attack. Call it fate, call it manifestation, call it two kindred souls, I found my shaky voice met with a calmer one over the phone: Isabel’s.
She was getting ready for a dinner in Bridgehampton, possessing the kind of composure that felt almost mythical to me, as intense and pounding as the heatwave that is swallowing both Los Angeles and New York right now. I imagined her plopping in her dangly (maybe fringe?) earrings, strapping on leopard print Jimmy Choos, brushing her already-soft hair with a Mason Pearson brush, zipping up a pink dress, delicately putting on Chanel makeup to her clear skin while she spoke with me.
Days earlier, she’d confided on her podcast about staying at The Carlyle—courtesy of yet another ex-boyfriend (not the one she’d recently moved in with before moving right back out). But beneath the light tone was a girl who, from where I sat, seemed to be navigating heartbreak with remarkable ease. She was handling her breakup far better than I was handling mine.
Sure, mine was six years long, hers was one, but both were domesticated, blended together. Untangling was equally as hard. Solo apartment secured, dates lined up, laughing at it all, or at least appearing to be. She was, is, opposite to everything that I am right now: coiled up, afraid of committing to a city, proclaiming facetiously that “my vagina is closed for the summer,” deleting Raya. Avoiding texts from various prospective men. Retreating to my sister’s home in the San Fernando Valley. Running from the Carrie Bradshaw life I traded my old one in for; fleeing from the gray metal city and dipping back to the sunny fake one. Being Sawyer, not Isabel.
Despite my intimidation, I powered through. Fuck my heartbreak, fuck hers, we had a question to answer: how did you turn your dating life into a business?
Isabel: So good to connect. How are you?
Sawyer: I’m okay. I spent the last three months in New York City. I’ve never lived there before. It is so gnarly. I cannot believe you live there, or anybody lives there.
Isabel: What?! I was born and raised. I don’t understand why anyone lives anywhere else.
Sawyer: I’m from San Diego, but I lived in LA for many years, so I’m used to driving. I’m used to the beach. The biggest culture shock was the lack of downtime. At least in LA you have your car to decompress in. New York is just constant energy-absorbing.
Isabel: Where are you from in San Diego?
Sawyer: I’m from North County— like the beach. Literally where Emrata is from.
Isabel: So you’re going through a breakup. How new is it?
Sawyer: It feels so brand new, but it was in February.
Isabel: Six years you said, right?
Sawyer: Yeah, six years. It was basically a divorce.
Isabel: I’m so sorry. How are you? Was it like a messy breakup?
Sawyer: It was like a confusing breakup. I thought it was just going to be a break, and then it quickly became permanent.
Isabel: Honestly, yeah. . .that’s what I do. I feel like when I want to break up with someone, I just frame it as a break.
I giggled and said something to mitigate the irony. She continued:
Isabel: The love of your life would never do that. And I really believe that everything happens for a reason. As you get older, breakups do become easier and they take less time to truly get over.
I heard myself agreeing, lying. Nodding my head and trying to force myself to believe that what she was saying was going to have any real effect on whether or not I would partake in my nightly routine tonight: cry.
Isabel: I was actually living with my boyfriend too when we broke up.
Sawyer: I saw that. What are you going to do now?
Isabel: I found an amazing apartment, a pre-war gorgeous one bedroom with a fireplace in this neighborhood I love. I’m two blocks from my sister too. I feel like when you live with a man, you have to keep the decor minimal. My ex didn’t want anything animal print or pink and I was like: I want this zebra rug. So it’s just really nice to be able to do things my way. I’m weirdly handling it so well. I was so scared because this was a really long one. It was a year, which is a long time for me. I usually date people for four months max. I thought I was going to be devastated. And I’m not kidding, I got over it in two days.
Nod, lie, agree again.
Sawyer: Okay, let’s get into it. When was the first time you realized that your life/ dating stories could make money?
Isabel: When I first started on social media. It was kind of an accident. When I would see something relatable with a sound, I was like, oh my god, I wanna do this, but I didn’t put any thought into it. I kind of just posted something with a text. I didn’t really show my face or put any effort into it and I noticed like—wow I actually go viral a lot for somebody that literally doesn’t try.
“I kind of just posted something with a text, I didn’t really show my face or put any effort into it and I noticed like—wow I actually go viral a lot for somebody that literally doesn’t try.”
Then I started to put a little more effort in and I kind of became known as like the “crazy unhinged ex-girlfriend” and I noticed that a lot of women really resonated with that.
Sawyer: Was there a shift when you realized when you spoke in your videos you could turn it into something larger, rather than a meme style?
Isabel: That’s something that I really struggle with. My style has always been meme content with the sounds. I know for a fact the videos will consistently go viral. I have a lot of insecurity around videos flopping and getting poor engagement. I knew that I would eventually be good on a podcast but I think it just takes time. The right people are finally starting to see my funny side and get to know me as a person, which is really rewarding.
I heard myself say something about the struggle of working with so-called “mysterious girls” online, how necessary using your voice in videos is these days, how hard it is to pivot if you don’t. We danced around other unfortunate internet truths in between New York City dating horror stories and ex reflections. Eventually, we returned to her:
Sawyer: How did Girls, Disrupted come to be?
Isabel: I met Georgia [Hassarati] one day at dinner and we instantly clicked. I always wanted to do a podcast, but I didn’t ever want to do one alone. It was really spontaneous. And it ended up really working.
Sawyer: How did the partnership with Unwell come to be?
Isabel: It happened organically. I feel like I kind of manifested this. When I saw that Alex Cooper was starting a media company and she had signed all those people, I remember thinking: this is really one of my goals. I’ve really admired Alex for a long time and what she’s built and I’ve always thought: how do I get her to notice me. I like that she scouts and signs people who are niche. She sees talent instead of purely numbers, which I respect.
“I feel like I manifested [the partnership with Unwell]. I’ve admired Alex Cooper for a long time and what she’s built and I’ve always thought: how do I get her to notice me.”
Sawyer: When you’re in the middle of a bad date are you actively thinking about how you will tell the story of it on your podcast?
Isabel: Absolutely. I’m newly single, and I haven’t been single since starting the podcast. It’s so exciting. I’m great at it.
Sawyer: What was the first publication that took a chance on you and published your writing?
Isabel: Playboy. I have so much love for the team there because they really let me kind of do what I wanted and didn’t overly edit. I also wrote two novels. . .I don’t think I’m going to publish them for a little bit, but it was fun for me.
Sawyer: What do you secretly love being perceived as?
Isabel: I like when people compliment my writing and I also like being like a New York City gal: fashionable and funny, not taken too seriously. I like that I’m not the typical influencer.
I breathed in her New York City coolness, as if it was contagious. As if it could eject me out of my sister’s cushy king bed and transform me instantly into an it-girl. As if her contagion could book me a flight back to the city that threw me up only days ago. Pick my hand up and sign a lease to my own apartment. Order new zebra-print chairs. Sell the old ones in the looming storage unit containing my old domestic life. Set fire to the cheetah-print curtains and vintage Moroccan rugs. The lamps. The tiny things.
Sawyer: How do you decide who you're comfortable being publicly associated with? Do you ever think about the optics of who you're seen with?
Isabel: I wish I were more of a social-climbing clout chaser. I think it would actually do better for me. I’ve had so many celebrities follow me on Tiktok or wanting to be friends, but I really don’t utilize those connections. I’m not the type of person sending cold emails to every brand or every cool person in my Dms or every guy that I think is famous that could get me in the right room. I don’t really see people as a means to an end. It’s my biggest pet peeve.
“I wish I were more of a social-climbing clout chaser. I think it would actually do better for me.”
Sawyer: What is the most delusional thing you believe about yourself?
Isabel: I have really big dreams. I’m never really unrealistic about what I think that I can accomplish. Instead of chasing fame, I’m just like this is what I love doing and I’m gonna put it out in the world and if something happens, amazing, but I’m totally fine with with my career so far too.
Sawyer: What’s your morning routine? Do you have one?
Isabel: No. Coffee is consistently my morning routine. But no, I don’t, like, work out every day or wake up and journal or meditate. I’m trying to do more of that because I think it’s important, but I’m really bad with that stuff. I’m very type B.
Sawyer: What is the loneliest part of your career?
Isabel: Constant anxiety surrounding falling off. It’s lonely to not have a paycheck that’s consistent. The uncertainty. Working from home is also super isolating; not being invited to some events, comparison, etc.
Sawyer: What makes somebody unforgettable online?
Isabel: I think being funny. Having your own voice and style really differentiates you.
Sawyer: What do you think is the most intimate thing that you’ve ever commodified?
Isabel: My breakup and my flaws. It’s not easy to admit that you’ve been broken up with or that someone left you. I’m very open about my life when I can be, but there are things I don’t feel comfortable sharing online.
Sawyer: What’s your horoscope?
Isabel: Scorpio. I’m like very, very, very Scorpio.
Sawyer: What’s something you wish you knew before you’d started on social media?
Isabel: The highs and lows. But that’s part of being a creative and being an artist.
Sawyer: What’s your go-to cocktail order?
Isabel: I love Tequila on the rocks with some fresh lime. Espresso martinis make me really insane. I love good wine. I love beer. I love Corona and lime in the summer.
Sawyer: What does a typical day look like for you?
Isabel: Every day is so different, especially now with the podcast. I try to write everyday. I have coffee, I order lunch, sometimes I workout, sometimes I don’t. It’s really, really different.
Sawyer: What inspires you?
Isabel: Other people’s success. Also I’m really inspired by music and the early 2000s, female writers and poets; I love Louise Glück, Sylvia Plath, I love David Foster Wallace, I love Raymond Carver, I love Eve Babitz.
Sawyer: What’s the song you play on repeat right now?
Isabel: Since my breakup, I’ve been a little emo. I love Olivia Rodrigo’s new album. I put some of those songs up on repeat.
Sawyer: Biggest dream in life?
Isabel: I want to consistently make creative decisions. I think that my biggest dream would probably be writing a script and then acting and starring in it. Also to be known. To have a different voice. I have to constantly remind myself that I have a lot to offer.
I thanked Isabel for her honesty, hung up the phone, hugged my family, got in my truck, blasted Lana, and drove to the Chateau Marmont with my tiny Chihuahua on my lap.
One of the valet boys led me straight to the pool: a woman I consult for spends most weekends there with her husband and always leaves my name on the list if I’m in town. We usually order spritzes, compare whatever our psychics have most recently predicted. Our Chihuahuas politely ignore one another. She laughs loudly at bad dates and tragic things, not unlike Isabel. But when I arrived, she wasn’t there, shining. I checked our text thread: So sorry. We had to leave!!! Enjoy the pool!!!!
I spread my towel across one of the lounge chairs and let the California sun gnaw at my face. Caught between New York City and Los Angeles. Stuck between two archetypes: the girl I crave being and the woman who everyone insists I am: wise, grounded. The woman I am most sick of pretending to be, causing a hard left turn, a craving to hit the pavement in Jimmy Choos, tell stories of bad dates and laugh instead of being emotionally rocked by them.
I haven’t had a drink in more than a week, detoxing from the city, trying to be present for my family, who needs me here right now. I haven’t texted the ex, or any man rearing his head.
Maybe it was the celebrity Chateau ghosts, maybe it was Isabel’s voice still echoing in my head, maybe it was the absence of my client. Whatever it was, I reached for my journal, the hot, cancerous thing I hadn’t touched in months, and wrote: I’m breaking all my rules tonight. Mistakes are alchemizable.
Isabel Timerman is a NYC-based writer, content creator, and co-host of the Girls, Disrupted podcast. Her writing has been featured in Playboy, Interview Magazine, Cosmopolitan, and more.
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