A Prophet, Two Bears, and Some Youth Walk Into A Bar...

So if you have been reading any of my posts but have not read the OG piece, you might be a bit confused as to the name—Old Ye Baldhead. For a thorough take click anywhere here for that first post. A quick reminder is that it all comes from a man among men that I used to work with once upon a time. He was mostly bald and would joking refer to the story found in 2 Kings 2 when Elisha finds himself being mocked by children.

²³ He went up from there to Bethel, and while he was going up on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him, saying, “Go away, baldhead! Go away, baldhead!” ²⁴ When he turned around and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. ²⁵ From there he went on to Mount Carmel and then returned to Samaria.

In my memory he would say “Old Ye Baldhead,” and thus many years later I stole the name right out from under his feet without even asking first. Mostly I love how the name is associated with a story that when any decent person who reads it, they are forced to afterwards say aloud, if even in a whisper, “What in the fuck was that about?” If you tell me you did not say that after reading the text I will question your decency, sir or madame.

Diving right in! Elijah (most badass of all Hebrew prophets if you do not know him) has just been taken up in a flying chariot of some kind (so he did not die but just ascended), and he has left Elisha to carry on the good work. Elisha is granted the ability to see this all happen. He then picks up the mantle of Elijah (supposedly this hairy cloak thing of some kind) and immediately performs a miracle of splitting a river just like Elijah did. He then makes his way to Jericho. There is a funny story about a group of prophets wanting to search for Elijah even though Elisha tells them it is a waste of time. When this is done the people there complain about the water, saying it is no good. Elisha throws salt in the spring of water and pronounces a message from God saying it has been made wholesome, producing a miracle.

Then! Then this strangest of strange stories takes place. He leaves and while he is walking from Jericho to Bethel, we find ourselves reading about 2 Kings 2:23-25.

I read a lot of explanations of what was most likely going on in this text. There are many attempts to satisfy the imagination of a modern day reader trying to understand what could aggravate God so much that bears would maul 42 children. Make no mistake, a prophet has no power without the divine authority. This is not just a hangry Elisha wishing he had grabbed a quick bite to eat before he left Jericho.

Even what seemed to me to be the best of the answers does not, to me at least, seem to justify the punishment. The best explanation was that those mocking Elisha were challenging his role as a prophet. Do not do that!

I want to do a deep dive into this text and explain all I have read, even giving my own spin that I am sure is not original but that I did not read anywhere. But that is not a devotion, so I will attempt to peak your interest with questions that came from the study.

Where did the youth come from? Bethel, a most likely hotbed for idol worship. Or Jericho where he had just come from. Or another place? All answers would have possible reasons and meaning to help understand the text somewhat.

Were the youth young children as this translation says, or a gang of kids, or older youth? The Hebrew word is apparently fluid and can mean many things. What do you think? Did they die or were they just mauled? Does that matter?

Why did what they said bring such quick and violent retribution?

Is this story factual, exaggerated, a tale to scare children into respecting prophets, or something else?

As I read commentators who were completely at peace, or so they said, with a reading of this text where the kids “got what they deserved,” I wondered at how little I saw that left room for curiosity, anger, confusion, and the like for people reading this text. Everyone wanted to justify why what Elisha did was just fine.

Well if you have read many of my posts you know my answer to that is a big ole’ “fuck that noise.”

Sometimes we can find understanding or enlightenment for particular texts, or so it seems. In other times we cannot. When we try to force our own understanding into these ancient stories we can forget just how wild the Bible can be.

We want to tame it. We want to own it. We want to understand it fully. We want to wield it. We want it to make sense.

What we want less than anything is to respond to a person who has just asked us about 2 Kings 2:23-25 with, “Uh,” awkward laugh, “Well guy, I just do not know what in the hell those verses are about at all.” I guess that is too embarrassing for most of us. I know I often want to have it all figured out too.

In moments like these I take comfort in the long history of the rabbinic tradition. As I understand it, there is never a final answer on what any text means. But rather, there is always a constant reevaluation of the text as new generations come it to. They have, of course, all of the suggestions and thoughts of those who have come before them. Yet then it is their turn to wrestle with the text and with the previous thoughts, and to come to their own conclusions. Jesus certainly added his own thoughts to how the rabbinic tradition had been interpreting verses during his life.

I like that a lot. I enjoy being reminded that other people do not have their shit fully together. I enjoy being reminded that other people work hard to find meaning out of their lives just as I do with mine. I find it very comforting that other people read this text and also say, “What the fuck is going on there?”

And more than anything, I find it peace-filling that there are people willing to wrestle with the story — not dismiss it or dismantle it or misinterpret it or hide it. There are those who are willing to say things like, “This story does not seem to mesh with the God I have come to love.” Or, “Huh, how the hell does this work with a guy that said, ‘Turn the other cheek.’ ”

It is often not fun to sit in the in between—in that space of not knowing and wondering. But let me tell you that this is where the magic happens! This is where I have found God to be most present. When you question and wonder and push back and demand love and listen and shout and sit silently and get confused and have to admit you just do not know the answer.

I am wanting so badly to try and give you some bullshit solve to this she-bear mystery and the mauling of 42 children. But I put my hands under my legs and abstain from the temptation to do so. You go find one and report back.

Step out of the boat.

Seek.

But whatever you do, do not ever, I MEAN EVER, call out like a jackass to some guy that looks like a prophet, “Go away, baldhead! Go away, baldhead!” And if you are near someone that does, get your ass running fast! If there is one thing we have learned, it is certainly that.