David's notes.
Music and smells are two of the most effective ways to re-experience the emotions of a specific time in the past. Listening to a song from a particular time of my life brings me back to how I felt at that point in ways photos can’t. Sometimes I can even recall exact visuals of what I was doing or where I was walking when listening. Over the last 10 years, I followed a system that allows me to…
I used to have goals. I used to have strong motivations. These were the things that kept me going and anything that didn’t align with them, I had extreme difficulty getting myself to do. This is why I performed so poorly in high school, and this is why I dropped out of university. I simply could not do stuff for the sake of it. While at first sight, this could look like irresponsible &…
I want to create so much value, that what I get back, even if its much smaller, will always be more than enough. And both circles will keep growing overtime. Btw I like to believe this even works in a selfish way 😉
i like to have a possibly highly silly approach to burnout. Think of it like being an athlete. Where you are constantly training to get better. Similar to how you would keep running further and further, day after day, until at one point you can, you know, run a marathon without stopping or something. Would it be fun? Would it be easy? Well, probably not, but that’s all fine. This is still just…
And that’s not clickbait at all, the closest I can compare it to is being punched in the gut repeatedly every minute or so. My life in London is kind of a constant state of the above, separated by work, which distracts me enough during the daytime (or perhaps invokes other, stronger anxieties), however leaving with a strong hangover of going back home in the evening. It feels like running at 20%…
I don’t care about your university degree. I don’t care about your certificates. Better yet, I don’t even care about your technical skills, or how much money you’ve made. They are all just tools, a means to an end. What I am interested in is what impact you had on the world so far. And what impact you are planning to have on it.
First of all, I find “unwell” such a great word. It’s clear, elegant, but straight to the point. It’s professional. I don’t want to live on “easy mode”. I want the challenge – because if I can’t handle this , how will I handle the even harder challenges of the future? It means suffering alone when I could potentially be with someone who cares, or just buying the cheapest food when I could afford…
I just woke up from a very disturbing dream. I’m in high school, in sports class. We have to do pull-ups and are being graded on how many we can do. Just a regular, yearly test. I performed really well while practicing, so I’m confident that I’ll do well. We are standing next to each other in a straight line, with the teacher in front of us. My name is called first, and I walk out. Cut. I don’t…
Like gradient descent, (which for the math people I have to point out I do not know much about) I carefully test and fine-tune who I am to find the optimal local minima of behavior that would result in the most liked and positive reaction in a given social context. And I think I am very good at it. I can even do it with people I haven’t seen in years. I just pull their old model from some cold…
I’m at home, feeling alone. I waiting for you to message me. It’s ridiculous. This lonely anxiety is ridiculous too, but it grasps me so strongly, that I can’t feel anything else. But I am still waiting for your message. If my phone vibrates, I am hoping that it is from you. You only do what you want to do. You are emotional. You are real. You rejected me. And I still crave your love. You don’t do…