Let's Talk About Side-Chicks

Because, in this gothic woman? I see my mother.

Technically, this goth girl is not a prostitute...

...but she *kind* of is. (Hence, how and why I'm torn.)

We all know damn well the kind of character Drake is: This goth girl won his contest as his "wife," and now he's buying her mother a brand new house at her request.

"Wife" or not, let's just call it what it is: All three of those contestants were more or less prostitutes (especially Lena the Plug). I didn't even watch the show, but I watched a couple of clips that popped into my feed, and I have seen more of the outrage on social media against this girl for not being truly goth than I have of the show itself.

That said, this is just a legal form of prostitution. 🤦‍♂️ She basically competed and sold herself to get her mother a new house. (Notice how no mention is made of her father...)

The sad thing about me is this: My mother did similar things with powerful men. In her prime as an 80s and early 90s international model for companies like Johnson & Johnson (before the age of Instagram and OnlyFans), my mom dated guys like Michael Buffer (the "Let's get ready to rumbleeee!" guy, Harvey Specter-esque lawyers, different financial suit types, and so forth...

...she capitalized on her beauty for as long as she could, and that *did* keep me fed and from dying during key moments of familial struggle. It *did* pay for an immense amount of my (white) grandmother's medical care.

It was shameful; yet, no one in the family really said much about it but my grandmother, who wanted her to settle down as the mistress/side-chick of a financial analyst I got along with, because it paid the bills!

It really put food on the table.

Meanwhile, I agreed with the men that my grandmother endorsed. They were good to me.

As my mother was not at fault for my father's murder and the harsh nature of her declining sexual market value, my mother's deepest mistakes were in not following my grandmother's warnings pertaining to her situation.

I suffered because she couldn't stand being bored, resigning herself to simply being a concubine to a rich "nice guy."

She just *had* to have the bad boys.

My grandmother would say stuff like, "If you *must* date the black ones? Get one of the good ones. What the hell are you doing with [this one]? You can do so much better...and it's not just about you. It's about Michael!" (Me.)

But if we subtract all of that, if we set all of that aside, I was not harmed so much by my mother becoming some dude's side-chick. I was harmed by her wanting to be #1 in an abusive and poor dude's life. *That's* when things got really bad for us.

Due to her ego, she just couldn't stand being #2 to a powerful man, no matter how well he could provide and father me otherwise. And would rather suffer in the street with an ex-gangster.

So, with all that in mind, Drake and this goth girl are consenting adults, and her wish was to take care of her mother.

This is a woman, not terribly unlike the archetype of my mother, doing what she's got to do to take care of her loved ones.

I find that *very* difficult to shame, to lack empathy and sympathy for...even as I advocate for the eradication of the market demand that powers the industry, that keeps it alive.

Kill the industry...but have compassion for the people just doing what they've got to do for their loved ones at the same time.

After what I experienced growing up? I would *always* encourage a woman in a bad situation to swallow her pride to be some rich dude's #2 who at least is generally kind to her and hers...

...than to make everyone else suffer just because of ego and fear of judgment.