The City of Northfield’s Municipal Grammar Commission has filed a formal complaint with the Northfield Area Chamber of Commerce and Tourism over what it calls “an unresolved and inconsistent” use of the possessive across materials associated with Doug’s Auto Service, one of the city’s longtime auto repair shops. The shop’s exterior sign reads Dougs Auto Service, with no apostrophe at all, while its printed repair invoices render the name as Doug’s, apostrophe included:
No customers have complained. No accidents have been attributed to the apostrophe, or its absence. Nevertheless, the Commission voted 5-1 earlier this month to pursue the matter. Commissioner Justin Case cast the lone dissenting vote, arguing the matter should first be referred to a subcommittee for further study.
Doug’s Auto Service is jointly owned by Doug Gerlach and Doug Brown. “Neither version reflects the reality of the business,” said Commission chair Constance Tense. “This constitutes grammatical inequity toward the other Doug.”
The complaint holds that the invoice form protects only one Doug’s rights as co-owner, rather than both, while the exterior sign avoids the question altogether. The Commission’s preferred remedy, for both sign and invoices alike, is Dougs’ Auto Service, moving the apostrophe to follow the s.
Municipal Grammar Commissioner Justin Case has proposed Doug and Doug’s Auto Service as a fallback, should his subcommittee ever report back. A third option, apostrophectomy, formally adopting the exterior sign’s current apostrophe-free approach across all materials, remains on the table, though several commissioners consider it a surrender rather than a solution.
The Commission’s report describes the underlying phenomenon as “Monodougism,” the grammatical erasure of a co-equal Doug. The Chamber, whose member’s businesses span beyond the Northield city limits, has commissioned its own legal opinion on apostrophe ownership, a step several members privately admit will likely cost more than the sign itself. “I don’t know what Monodougism means,” said Chamber Executive Director Diane Ledger, “but I know it’s already cost my members more in legal fees than any apostrophe ever cost them in confusion.”
The dispute has drawn academic reinforcements. Retired Carleton College professor Reed N. Wright has cited the Chicago Manual of Style in the Commission’s favor, while retired St. Olaf professor Vera Batim maintains that Garner’s Modern English Usage reaches a different conclusion. A minority report, submitted by local linguist Lex Icon, argues the entire dispute is moot, since proper names function as brands rather than as grammar exercises.
Paige Turner, president of the Northfield chapter of QUILL (the Qualified Union of Instructors in Language and Literature), has thrown the chapter’s support behind the Commission. “Since the original Apostrophe Protection Society disbanded in 2019,” Turner said, “Northfield’s chapter has considered itself the last line of defense.”
Three Municipal Grammar commissioners proudly list the Cannon Valley Elder Collegium's short-lived "AP" (Apostrophe Placement) course on their LinkedIn profiles.
So far, no word from the Washington, D.C.-based group GRAMMAR (the Guild for the Restoration and Advancement of Municipal Manuscript and Apostrophe Reform).
The controversy arrives amid broader civic changes. Northfield’s official slogan, once simply “Cows, Colleges, and Contentment,” was updated two years ago at a consultant’s recommendation to “Cows, Colleges, and Community,” with the third C-word left open for occasional substitution. Residents responded with their own suggestions, including “Cows, Colleges, and Consternation.” Since the City Council’s dissolution of the Arts & Culture Commission last year, followed shortly by its approval of the Municipal Grammar Commission, some residents have proposed a new unofficial slogan: “Cows, Colleges, and Commissions.”
After a preliminary review, the Commission concluded that George’s Vineyard, Coco’s Place, and Flaherty’s Northfield Lanes appear to involve only one George, one Coco, and one Flaherty respectively, and therefore present no immediate threat to grammatical order. Doug’s Auto Service, its report notes, remains the sole outstanding case.
The Commission has also reviewed this publication’s non-profit name. A staff memo, obtained by Northfield.org through a records request filed by Northfield.org to the City’s Department of Redundancy Department, concluded that “Northfield Citizens Online” uses “Citizens” descriptively rather than possessively and therefore requires no apostrophe, a finding this publication accepts without further comment.
City staff noted privately that the apostrophe on Doug's Auto Service invoices is, in any case, a curly quotation mark rather than a straight one, a typographical detail the Commission's report does not address. Staff have tentatively labeled the mark's tendency to appear on some materials and not others 'apostrophic drift.'
That report, which runs 42 pages, concludes that the misplaced apostrophe poses “a low but persistent threat to grammatical confidence within the city limits.” At the upcoming Aug. 3 meeting, the City Council is expected to consider a temporary moratorium on apostrophes in new commercial signage pending a recommendation from the Signage Punctuation Impact Taskforce (SPIT).
Doug and Doug were unavailable for comment, having a shop to run.
Update, 8 PM CDT, July 24:
The Municipal Grammar Commission held an emergency meeting earlier this afternoon. They ended up voting 5-1 on a recommendation that the Chamber begin negotiations with the Dougs to change the business name to Dougz Auto Service. Not only would it solve the apostrophe problem, but it would have a broader demographic appeal, per the Commission’s internal memo that was CC’d to Northfield.org.
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