Bah, humbug.

Bah, humbug.

I’m glad Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s are over.

My shoulders tighten upon the approach of Thanksgiving. Where is it going to be held? One person is guaranteed to be off put because it’s too far of a drive...and they’re going to voice that. Not necessarily because they want to change the venue. Again, they’re just letting you know. And the menu doesn’t accommodate all dietary restrictions. Someone’s a vegan, pescatarian..fill in the blank. How inconsiderate.

Then Christmas is offensive to atheists and people of different faiths who don’t believe in Jesus and don’t believe in the game of expressing appreciation through gifts. People give gifts to check a box off the list. And those people will let you know they’re doing you a courtesy by playing along.

Before my grumpy diagnosis, I was “King Kuya.” Kuya, meaning older brother figure, to all my little cousins and nieces. I added the “King.” I bought gifts and played video games sitting on the floor and looking up at the TV surrounded by my cousins and a mine field of shredded gift wrapping paper and empty boxes.

Then I became a cop.

The death of a parent, a car accident, a loved one getting robbed, someone we know who struggles with mental health among other things are unfortunate, but unavoidable.

It’s like driving a car. The longer you drive, the probability of you getting into a car accident increases.

I just made that up but it makes sense, right?

Oh..I brought up those series of awful events because my exposure to crisis is disproportionate to anyone who is not a first responder or who works in the emergency room. I don’t say this as a point of bragging.

Just the opposite. I’ve been exposed to that high dosage of radiation for 25 years and I wasn’t equipped to process or compartmentalize the infant deaths, mangled car crash scenes, shootings and stabbings…

The Holidays are opportunities for people to voice their displeasure with those who don't contribute to the family and to bring up past unresolved hurts. It’s also a missed opportunity to just sit and enjoy each other’s company without the side remarks.

I’m ultra sensitive to that because I’ve seen the dead who were just alive moments ago. When I do a mental side by side with first world problems I halt “STFU” in my throat.

I’ve officially run out of patience.

Then…

My cousin sent me a gift because I didn’t make his Christmas party. For the record, my 91 year old mom had shingles so that revised the priorities.

Okay…well wrapped gift. And, I hadn’t seen cousin Mike in years. Take a picture and verify that I received it.

Then…

Before tablets, smart phones and even console video games, we were on our hands and knees launching discs at each other’s castle. Once up close, I’d destroy his base with a crossbow.

I’m 52. We played, I think, over 40 years ago.

I also think the statute of limitations is over so I can reveal I double rubber banded my crossbow to force multiply the destruction.

He text me:

I don’t remember that. I remember always wanting them to be happy.

I hugged the box in my driveway.

Would you believe me that after I cried the heaviness of all that I’ve been haunted by while being a cop evaporated through my tears?

Thank you, Mike. Merry Christmas.