The Car That Watches You Back
The automobile spent a century as a machine you owned. Somewhere between the touchscreen and the cellular modem, that changed.
Nobody Asked for This
Dispatches on absurd new apps, gadgets, and services. Dry, observational coverage of pointlessness in tech.
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The Roku Home Screen Is a Billboard
Press any button to begin being advertised to.
The Ethernet Cable That Costs More Than a Used Car
A $12,500 cable cannot make a digital signal sound warmer. This is not an opinion.
The Microwave Has an Alexa
The Amazon Smart Microwave does not make food faster. It makes food conversationally.
The Water Bottle That Cannot Get Wet
An $80 hydration tracker with a sensor puck you must remove before washing, for a product whose entire purpose is to hold water.
The Mug Has a Firmware Update
The Ember Mug 2 is a $130 coffee mug that, on first use, refuses to heat coffee until it has finished a 40MB Bluetooth firmware update.
The Lollipop Star wants you to taste an Akon song
A nine-dollar single-use bone-conduction lollipop for people who refuse to use the headphones they already own.
The Smart Hairbrush Was Real, and It Had Twelve Sensors
A retrospective on the Kérastase Hair Coach, the $200 connected hairbrush that briefly threatened to make brushing your hair a quantified activity.
The Anker Nano 45W has a screen, and the screen is the problem
Anker shipped a charger that can tell you, in real time, what your phone could already tell you in real time.
BMW Would Like $18 a Month for the Seats You Already Bought
Eighteen dollars a month to operate seat-warming hardware that came installed in the car. BMW eventually walked it back. The model has not gone anywhere.
The Theragun Is Now an App
The original Theragun did one thing. The new Theragun does the same thing, while also collecting telemetry, requiring an account, and connecting to your wearables.
In Memoriam: The $13 Million Coolest Cooler
A blender, a Bluetooth speaker, a USB charger, an LED light, a bottle opener, and 36,000 angry backers.
The $999 Compost Bin Is Watching You
A $999 connected food dehydrator that turns food scraps into smaller food scraps. The bucket has always been right there.
Quora, Once a Place Where People Answered Questions
Once a Q&A site where former NASA engineers explained the Saturn V. Now AI-generated answers to AI-generated questions, propped up by domain authority older than the rot.
The AI Toothbrush Would Like to Coach You
A $400 toothbrush with a screen, an app, achievements, and a Wi-Fi connection — for a task that, in the traditional formulation, has a binary outcome.
The Amazon Astro Was a Roomba With Anxiety
A $1,600 invitation-only home robot whose primary capability was being present and observing. Discontinued in 2024. The Astro should not have existed; now it largely doesn't.