I Just Never Knew...

I’ve been doing some research and reading (online mostly) about neurodivergence, especially in older women who’ve never had a diagnosis. Much of the stuff about masking feels spot on for me: I was a people-pleaser for much of my life, I tend to stay quiet in groups to avoid intense attention, I find things to help with at parties so I don’t have to make awkward small talk, and things like that.

One thing that I only realized recently is that my lifelong love of reading is actually a special interest. The term special interest, in this context, means an intense and deeply focused passion for a particular hobby or topic. It often helps one to self-soothe, is something that remains consistent throughout one’s lifetime, and allows one to build community and solidify friendships.

All of this is true for me when it comes to books and reading. It’s kind of hilarious that I never saw it this way before. Reading is my most potent way of relaxing and comforting myself, and it always has been. I never go a day without reading. Ever. I take a book wherever I go. I need stories like I need water.

At big events, which can feel overwhelming to me, such as a wedding reception, I tend to find other readers and we chat about books. I love exchanging books with friends and family members who also read. When my Dad died, cataloguing my personal library helped me deal with grief and be less overwhelmed by it.

Reading feels like such a treat to me that I also took a long time to realize that it was even a hobby, and more than that, something I can integrate into my career. I know. It seems obvious now. The rise of BookTok and the reading community on other social media platforms, from Instagram to GoodReads and Fable has allowed me to see how this special interest is not just a secret pleasure, something I get to do when my work is done and the day’s responsibilities are complete.

I’ve just booked a venue in late September for a reading retreat that I’m going to host, here in Maine, and it’s lighting me up in the best of ways! I’m planning to curate book-related gifts for each attendee. I’m already thinking of what I’ll choose to read during the retreat. I am truly into this stuff. Again, it seems obvious, in retrospect. Duh.

When I looked up special interests, one of the things I learned is that many folks on the spectrum successfully make their special interest part of their profession. I’ve already done that, in part, by being a writer. But reading? Just…reading? This beloved thing that has been part of my identity for so long can be part of my cherished and self-designed career, too? Holy wow. Life is good.

This reminds me of one summer in my early 20s. I had graduated from college and was having a rough time finding work in my field (broadcasting). I found an ad in a magazine with the title “Read Books for Money!” and instantly sent in for the booklet that would tell me how. I tried to make it work, but it was one of the many disappointments of that year. I mentally filed it under things that were “too good to be true.” The following year I got a job at the public broadcasting station, and stepped fully into what was definitely plan B.

I wish I could go back to that younger version of me and tell her to keep the faith. I’d let her know that reading is very much of value, and that someday we’d get to focus on books and stories - our own and those of others - all day, every day.

Sure, along with reading and writing books, I also run retreats, coach others on writing their manuscripts, and do some select editing gigs. It’s not always easy or smooth. Many of the skills I use in my business were learned from my “plan B” career and through the aid of helpful biz coaches and mentors. I have to do things I don’t like, sometimes (hello, sales and marketing). I currently cobble together lots of related tasks in order to pay the bills, and sometimes I still fall short, financially.

But it’s worth it. My entire world is steeped in the things I love most: reading, writing, journaling, stories, words, imagination, and creativity. My special interest is not just a hidden joy and a coping mechanism, but is now so much more. This thing that I do to stay relatively sane in an overwhelming world has become an integral part of my life’s callings. I’m so grateful.

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