Being Here Now

I’ve been a planner for most of my life. As a Virgo Sun, it comes naturally. As a neurodivergent being, it helps me to know what’s coming - as much as we can ever know, which sometimes isn’t much, truly.

I have multiple Google calendars, plus a bullet journal, and I’m often consulted about plans by extended family and close friends. It’s part of my identity to always have a plan.

These days, my spirit guides have been giving me a very clear message about being present in the moment. They don’t want me to put my attention on the future. The now is where I need to be.

This is hard.

But luckily my Cancer rising also makes me a water sign. I’ve been learning (for years!) how to go with the flow. I’m most grounded when immersed in a natural body of water. The woods, lakes, and beaches are where I flow best. This is why I love summer so much.

The guides told me, on the topic of money in particular: just focus on what is needed for today.

We’re taking it one day at a time.

Astoundingly (especially to my skeptical Talking Self), it’s working.

The money comes in just in time to be what is needed for this particular day. The deadlines are met. The bills get paid. There is grocery money.

What’s different? There’s not so much stress or anxiety. When I’m focused on today, I can breathe freely. I’m noticing the blessings. I’m feeling the emotions appropriate to the actual moment, rather than getting worked up over potential futures.

I’m allowing myself to sink fully into the moment, whether I’m writing, chopping vegetables, or sitting on the beach with friends and looking up at the stars.

There’s a depth to the present moment, one that I’m blind to when I’m existing in planning mode all the time. I’m learning to sink down into it. To allow it to enfold me. To welcome the joy, the delight, and also the sadness or regret. I am present with all of it.

This weekend at our in-person writing session, as we started I was feeling sad that it was just BlackLion and I attending, and that I didn’t have the budget to buy any new books this time. I sat with the feelings. I realized that I have plenty of exciting new books at home to read. Also, BlackLion and I love to go to the bookstore cafe to write, even when it’s just the two of us.

I sank into the sensations of simply being present there. Sitting among books and readers is inspiring. I wrote a whole scene to add to my novel, Persimmon’s Dream House. I browsed books and took pictures of a couple that I might like to get later (if you’re curious: House of Roots & Ruin by Erin A. Craig and Silent Catastrophes: Essays by W.G. Sebald).

The two hours passed in a blur. It was lovely.

This is the lesson I’m taking with me as we slowly transition into a new season. Full presence in the moment is something I’ll savor as I welcome my first grandchild next month. It’s a way of being that encourages my innate creativity to unfold even more. I’m so thankful.

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