Overcoming Over-Functioning: Leadership Lessons for Black Women

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Personal Check-In: I recently attended Wisdom 2.0, the annual San Francisco conference where consciousness and technology intersect, bringing thinkers, creators, and spiritual leaders into a shared space. It was energizing—it helped me get a sense of how people are really feeling about AI. I got beyond think-pieces and experienced real people in conversation about the pros and cons of AI in the next decade. I felt my nervous system sync with other nervous systems; I had “introduction” conversations about my work; I stood in line in a crowd. For this introvert who’s avoided crowds the last few years, this was a revelation! Mama’s back outsiiidddeee. :D

Re-claiming time and personal space is a strong theme of this week’s episode of Soil, Shadow and Spirit, where I had a powerful conversation with Shirley Johnson. Shirley is a licensed therapist, yogi, herbalist, and a steadfast guide in what it means to really hold space for others.

In this episode, Shirley and I delve into how being and doing play out in our lives, especially for Black mothers and leaders. Shirley brings to light the delicate wisdom needed to navigate caring-for-others and caring-for-self without becoming invisible under the weight of our own generosity.

In Shirley’s words, “The best help I can give is to be a person with a solid nervous system who can be honest.” Her wisdom reminds us that holding space isn’t a passive state; it’s an active, laborious choice to remain present, clear, and responsive without succumbing to overfunctioning.

• The Power and Burden of Codependency

  "Codependency is over-functioning or taking care of someone or something at one’s own expense,” Shirley explains, a definition that hit home. For many of us, especially Black women, codependency can be a constant companion, a ghost of overfunctioning that hovers just beneath the surface.

• Redefining Being as an Act of Resistance

  We talk about the practice of “self as instrument,” where we embody our experiences as tools for change. “To just hold space to make sure that everyone could stay grounded...that’s a very old concept.” We touch on how the role of holding space and being present—once revered—has lost its value in our “doing” culture. Yet there is a quiet rebellion in reclaiming presence as a form of leadership, of nourishing ourselves so that we overflow into others’ lives.

• Returning to the Land as a Source of Wisdom

  For Shirley, connection to land goes beyond the physical. “The land is always holding us, whether it’s beneath concrete or under our bare feet.” This reverence for land as a partner in our healing work brings us back to the roots of Soil, Shadow, and Spirit, where grounding ourselves in nature’s rhythms brings forth ancient, profound wisdom about community, self-care, and balance.

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