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At drinks last night a friend who’s a genius at reading people, said to me,
I love this version of you.
She hesitated before elaborating.
Of course, I’ve always loved who you are but this, the Forerunner outside, the wild camping, and hiking, all of it, I just love it.
Me too. I said. Me too.
I know it’s the July 4th weekend and I know it’s a biggie (250 years and all that) and I know you’ve got watermelon to chop, hotdogs and burgers to buy, or you’re stuck in traffic on the way to the beach.
But, in amongst this weekend’s celebrations, keep this question noodling in the back of your mind …
What makes me, the real me, feel utterly free and alive inside?
Because I think that’s the new and hard won “thing” my friend noticed in me. A new and fledgling sense of freedom, lightness, confidence. To be honest it’s hard to articulate, especially as it’s new and still emerging.
As humans but especially as women, we spend much of our lives becoming who we think we need to be while slowly, unintentionally abandoning or simply forgetting who we really are.
It’s as if the modern world (and we could go on and on about which bits and how) rewards a slow self-abandonment.
Until eventually, we’ve either forgotten or are disconnected from, what makes us feel alive, vibrant, and excited.
Let’s get real.
I feel
like myself again
clear for the first time in years
energized by life
excited about the future
I can trust myself fully
grounded no matter what happens around me
free
lighter
brave enough to make changes
like I rarely second guess everything anymore
awake again
like I’m enjoying my life instead of enduring it
connected to myself
I know what matters to me now
more confident than I have in years
peaceful without feeling passive
present in my own life
I think a lot of us assume freedom in this stage of life means having fewer obligations, flexibility to travel without being tied to a desk or our kids’ soccer schedule, or having enough in our retirement fund to not worry about the price of eggs.
But I’m beginning to realize real freedom looks more like remembering ourselves again and coming home to the part of us that got buried under responsibility or discovering a new side of ourselves we’ve never encountered before.
It’s about remembering who you’ve been all along.
Unfortunately however, it’s hard to find that woman when life is dry and dusty and she’s parched and lost, buried and trapped under years of obligations, social pressure, and responsibilities.
Which is why this week’s Barefoot Prayers episode helps us figure out a way forward, no matter how trapped we feel or dry life seems.
You don’t need one more thing to do this holiday weekend but maybe, while standing around a grill arguing about whether hot dogs count as sandwiches, you could use a quiet five minutes to remember what who you really are.
If that sounds like exactly where you are right now, you can listen here.
And if no one has said it lately… you’re not imagining that restless feeling, that ache for more.
It’s simply the sacred tug of our souls asking us to set it free.
Maybe that’s where freedom starts.
Niki x
P.S.
🎧 Listen to this week’s Barefoot Prayers here.
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