The Battle of Hutt South

Don't you love the sound
Of the last laugh, my friend
Don't you love the sound
Of the last laugh, at the end

Songwriter: Mark Knopfler.

At the start of Breakfast’s usual panel discussion, Chris Chang noted that Kieran McAnulty didn’t get much time to speak last week, with National’s leadership challenge seeing Chris Bishop take the lion’s share of the questions. But the Labour man had a bit to say in Parliament during the urgent debate called over what Winston Peters refers to as a “One Man Coup - if you can believe that”.

A couple of highlights were shown, but I think it’s really worth taking a look at his full speech here:

Kieran wasn’t appearing on Breakfast this week, and in his place was Ginny Andersen up against her rival for the Hutt South seat, Chris “it wasn’t me” Bishop.

It’s a really changeable seat. Back in 2017, Bishop won the seat, and Ginny was a list MP. That reversed in 2020 with Ginny winning the electorate and Bishop coming in off the list. Then it reversed again in 2023 with Bishop winning the seat and Ginny returning from the list.

This year, it looks like it will reverse again. Chris Bishop is unlikely to win the electorate, and unfortunately for him, if National wins many electorates relative to their party vote, there may not be a list lifeboat this time. He may be jettisoned to wander from food truck to food truck, wondering why nobody looks at his photos any more.

Chang began by suggesting to Ginny that Kieran would make a good leader, and Chris Bishop smiled, relishing the brief reprieve as the focus briefly shifted to Labour.

Ginny laughed it off and said that although Chris, sitting alongside her, had been unable to get rid of Luxon, New Zealanders had that opportunity on the 7th of November. She said Labour were out there talking to people who wanted a government working hard for them, not backstabbing each other.

“Honourable and showing intestinal fortitude,” said Chang, quoting the way that opposition MPs had described Penk during the debate. Then he asked Bishop if he agreed. The National man called the debate, as opposed to the coup, “a bit of a sideshow” and then started talking about anything else: a second harbour crossing, new housing investment. He said quite a few words, but none of them was “Yes, I agree,” suggesting Bishop was happy to have Penk as the fall guy and had no intention of going down with him.

The interviewer asked whether 10 portfolios were too many, referring to Paul Goldsmith; Bishop agreed that it was, saying he had six himself.

To me, this has been the ultimate display of Luxon’s laziness; you’d think any decent boss would roll their sleeves up and help, but no, Christopher didn’t take any of Penk’s work on himself; he just kept piling more and more onto Paul Goldsmith. That seems a poor decision in hindsight, given his woeful performance on Q&A this weekend, where he failed to explain why he is giving shopkeepers the power to respond with physical force to children as young as 14, when retailers and the Police are against it.

They moved to health, and Chang asked, in light of recent interviews on Endometriosis and rural cancer treatment, why we still had a postcode lottery. Ginny said it started with access to Primary care and spoke of their policy for free doctors’ visits

Back in 2023, National said they would “put an end to postcode lottery healthcare by delivering more doctors and nurses.” As we know, they put in place a regime that made it so difficult to replace staff that we now have an enormous backlog of vacancies, so so much for that commitment.

If you’re interested, Fleur Fitzsimmons of the PSA covered this really well on BHN last night. It’s worth a watch if you have time:

Bishop had nothing to offer and resorted to blaming Labour, despite his own party having had three years to fulfil its promises. He said they were making progress, but there was still a lot more work to do. I imagine that anyone working in the health sector, or who has been a patient, would be surprised by talk of progress.

Ginny again emphasised the importance of access to primary healthcare and being able to afford to see a doctor, but Bishop said that it was all very well to promise three free GP visits, but you need the doctors. Something National should know a thing or two about, after making commitments like longer maternity stays, only to be told they’d need staff to do so.

Next, Chris Chang spoke of Winston Peters, National’s ever-faithful ally, saying the work was a shocking waste of money, with $100m spent. Not only was he throwing his partners under the bus, but he was also continuing his long-standing tendency to forget that, more often than not, he was a senior cabinet member in the government he’s complaining about.

There was a lot of waffle from Bishop about indicative business cases and about coming up with a comprehensive business plan, without negating the fact that they’ve pissed a hundred million dollars up the wall, and they still don’t even know whether they’re building a tunnel or a bridge, or how on earth they’re going to pay for it.

Bishop said Ginny’s lot might inherit the problem, prompting Tova, waiting in the wings, to pipe up and ask whether he’d just announced they were going to lose the election. I’m not sure Ginny could have smiled any more joyfully. Clearly, the Fast Track man has decided this one is better left for others to deliver.

Ginny said that most NZers would expect, three years and a hundred million dollars later, to have something to show, but there isn’t. Bishop furrowed his brow and shook his head, mouthing “No”. But given that Andersen was right, perhaps that was more a plea for it to stop than a denial.

Ginny listed a bunch of projects Bishop had promised across the country, including in their region, that he never delivered. Bishop glowered, and his eyebrows came close to merging. She continued, saying there was a history with National of going around promising projects with no plan to pay for them - hello, the Roads of National Significance, anyone?

Where Keiran could defeat Bishop with a knowing look in response to blatant bullshit, Ginny seemed to take pleasure in needling Bishop, and he was not enjoying it. His response lacked humour as he said, “I appreciate you don’t know a lot about how these things work, but you actually have to do the investigations before you can do the work.”

The second part of his statement is correct; you need to conduct the investigation, which is why National should stop making commitments they have no idea how to deliver. As for the first part, the personal attack - what a dick.

It was like water off a duck’s back for Ginny, though, who was still laughing as the interview ended, especially because, at least in terms of the Hutt South electorate, on November 7th, I suspect she will be the one having the last laugh.

Have a good Thursday, all you lovely people. 🙂

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Ngā mihi,
Nick.

To end today, The Last Laugh with Mark Knopfler and Van Morrison: