Let’s talk about children.
No, not about having them1. But about how most adults actually hate them? This description applies to some parents, too, but I’m talking about a general dislike, hatred, and contempt of kids—not because they’ve done something; their mere existence is offensive to some. People want child-free everything: flights, restaurants2, grocery stores, and even events like weddings3 (which are technically family gatherings).
There are generally two types of people—those who want kids and those who don’t. Many times, child-free people, by choice, lead the charge of disliking kids. Because they don’t want kids in their individual lives, they often feel like they (children) shouldn’t exist around them at all. That is not possible unless you live on an adult-only island.
This entitlement is understandable only to a very small extent. Maybe you want to enjoy a cup of tea without children crying around you, running amok, spilling things, getting injured, and crying again4. But when you expect parents and kids to bend over backwards to accommodate or create an adult-only space (when it’s not), that’s not cool.
“[...] no parent believes that children should have the right to run riot, potentially creating a dangerous situation for themselves and others. Regardless, expecting a child to sit quietly for hours in an environment where adults and children are both present is often unreasonable.”
Other people who dislike kids (even if they’re simply existing) may even have their own kids. They’re often overtired or dislike their kids (and then, by proximity, every other kid, too) because of the sacrifices they’ve had to make or the situations they’ve been forced into. Even they’re not entitled to kid-free spaces everywhere.
The old adage of ‘kids should be seen and not heard’ was mildly toxic at best and straight-up awful for development at worst. Liking only well-behaved kids isn’t enough; even the most well-behaved kid will throw a tantrum, need help, and need to be loved in difficult moments.
I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding about kids we all buy into — many adults look at kids from the lens of adulthood, often with amnesia about their own childhood. Or worse, they’ve had a shit childhood and believe they’ve turned out ‘fine’, so other kids will be fine if mistreated or hated too. It’s no biggie; it’s good for character growth.
Obviously, it’s not. Firstly, the way a lot of adults treat kids is very dehumanizing. They are literally too small and too young to understand your cognitive commands, but they can perceive love, affection, hatred, dislike, etc. They are literally mini-humans, short in height, who are actually just learning what it’s like to exist as a human in our world.
Think about them as newbies in a job. Everyone takes time to learn stuff, right? Well, so do kids — except we’re far more compassionate with adults than we are with some kids when they make a mistake.
Disliking kids has kinda become a personality trait, something edgy, something that ‘sets you apart’ nowadays. But being inconsiderate and mean has never been cool — didn’t you watch Mean Girls?
The problem is that it goes beyond a viral tweet or banter with your friends. It slowly but steadily contributes to their mistreatment. Whether it’s domestic/child abuse or reaching a point where a US national publication can say horrific things like “It’s possible to kill a child legally.” this hatred has very real consequences on a vulnerable group of people. This is a section of humans that cannot advocate for themselves, they cannot vote, and they are wholly dependent on adults to take care of them because they literally cannot.
People who treat children as sub-humans or short beings who will eventually forget everything shitty you did to them are delusional and also horrible. They are not going to forget; they are not going to be ‘resilient’ just because you treated them shittily as a parent or guardian.
For strangers who are mean to random kids, why? What joy do you get by being awful to someone who genuinely has no idea about social codes, mores, or behaviour requirements and is heavily reliant on an adult to regulate their basic needs?
Children deserve to be cared for, there can’t be any argument about that. They also need to be respected because being young doesn’t preclude them from that. Just like you apologize to adults when you make a mistake, it’s also important to apologize to kids.
Especially because for a child, EVERYTHING is a learning experience, as their brains are super malleable, and every single experience gets inscribed into their brain. — Ritu, children’s author, musician, and former child
As adults, the onus of responsibility lies on us to take care of children. If they’re not our own, then we must make every effort not to be detrimental to their development. It’s common sense5 to practise empathy and compassion, but people forget that these things also apply to children, not just adults.
Yeah, they (kids) can be inconvenient to be around, but honestly, so are adults. So there’s really no excuse for an unjustified hatred of kids.
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I wrote about sharing opinions online and how to do it without (ideally) inviting trolls over at Sparks, Katie Sadler’s lovely newsletter.
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Thanks for reading! Please hit the heart below or drop a comment if you liked it (helps more people find this newsletter + gives me a serotonin boost). 🖤
That’s a different issue.
In my culture, weddings are an overindulgent (and very expensive) affair. There is no Indian wedding where you can filter out kids. They’re noisy, they’re annoying, and they’re having a great time at your wedding party. It’s a core memory for them.
There are definitely entitled parents, too — those who refuse to actually parent or regulate their kids, and that often makes it easier to hate the kids themselves.
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