hello. people said life begins at 40. sounds a little bit too late for me, but i have to start with a clean slate, looking back at my life and my thought ...
dear my inner child, why are you so angry, my love? was it the way the world treated you for decades? or how people judge you from the way you look the minute you stepped out of the house? or is it all those questions you asked through text and nobody bothered to answer? i'll tell you to get over it, and it will be the most useless thing to say because i know you will not get over it. you have…
it took me nine months to write this to you. you left me, and i'm still grieving over your death. my dad found you in 2008, you were clinging to his legs. he brought you home, and there you are, the first official cat to my family. as with most first in the family, you were showered with luxury. you loved cuddling and sleeping with us. you love the smell of expensive perfumes and high-end leather…
there's not much to write here to be honest, but i need to pen this down that whatever unresolved feelings that i got on my birthday month last year was resolved. that's it. done. finito. a week after that post, they don't reply to my text until today. i thought to myself "we should be friends first" but who am i kidding? they obviously don't want to be friends with me (let alone more than…
i was sick last year right after christmas, and so was my mother. i got better but she didn't. on the 6th of january at 2am in the morning, she called my cell, she said she can't breathe. the perks of not being able to sleep was my emergency response is top notch. an ambulance came and whisked my mother away to serdang hospital; what was about to be her home for the next three months. apart from…
every time i step out of the house, strangers always have preconceived notions of what kind of a person i am. i seem to have forgotten about it lately, but i need to remind myself daily that this is the fact of my life right here, right now. of course i couldn't care less of what strangers think of me, because i don't think about them at all. they don't pay my bills, they don't help put food on my…
the darndest thing about being single is: missing out on human touch. i felt like a succubus sometimes; i drew my energy from my fellow human being. innocent, platonic touch is good; but sexual ones are even better. was it a bad thing, to only think about one thing and even more so during my ovulation week? yes, i am known to be a very horny person to those who are close to me, and my shyness…
previously published on twitter, september 2023 what was i thinking, applying for that job i'm not even a cog in the capitalists machine i'm an outsider, who tries to fit in, who tries to survive, pay bills and put food on the table, who, at least thought being just a lowly cog is suitable but i'm no one, and i'm invisible "it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism" --…
as i lay in bed sick on a new year, here i am thinking of what to write since my brain is not functioning at 100% honestly, 2025 had been mostly the same like any other year previously. angry, struggling financially, underemployed, lost my beloved senior cats, lost friends yadda yadda yadda. of course there were some positive things that happened but unfortunately for me the negatives outweighed…
hello yaya my handsome boy, how are you doing? did you crossed the rainbow bridge safely? i'm sure you did. the road i used was closed for le tour de langkawi 2010. i was stuck in a roadblock for a while. the lady in the car next to me told me that there were two cats on top of my car tyre. she took one of the cat home, and both of us couldn't find the other cat; we assumed that it ran away. the…
previously published on livejournal, september 2006 the pain is always there. it's like i've been shot, and forced to live and witness the gruesome wound on my body for eternity. so now i'm walking around with my blood dripping on the floor. it's annoying when my brain can only be creative if i'm at my worst. my mind, without mercy, playing a cruel joke on me. "the human race tends to remember the…