My first influence, my mother

This year has been a series of painful firsts, and this is the first one without her, but I think I’m slowly moving into the bittersweet chapter. I miss her, that’s not going to change, but what has surprised me are the moments where I catch myself smiling, thinking about all the beautiful things she loved, and how much of what I’m drawn to is because of her. She was my first real influence, so for this post, I want to share my first influencer’s favourites.

SCARVES

Ma loved colourful, decorative scarves, especially ones heavily adorned with sequins and elegant embroidery. I’m drawn to them too, particularly those with that same sense of adornment, which is essentially the Western interpretation of the pallu (the draped end of a saree).

It’s a straight line to my affection for my embellished Dries scarves, though sometimes a single, saturated tone is more than enough. Silk was always her favourite. I recently discovered a small independent brand making the most beautiful long (that’s important, you want length) mulberry silk scarves in rich colours, and I think I may add a couple more to my collection.

SKINCARE (sponsored content)

Ma had beautiful skin right up until the very end, and she got us started on ours when we were quite young. This was back in the door-to-door salesperson era, and she never turned them away. I remember having little skincare parties when I was younger, where we’d invite other mothers and daughters over, and a beauty sales rep would come to the house with an armful of products for us to try. I learned a lot and developed decent habits, aside from committing to sunscreen early on. Now I have a few non-negotiables: sunscreen, a vitamin C serum, a retinol alternative, and hyaluronic acid.

Recently, I was introduced to Counter. Their products feel natural and clean, and my skin just drinks it all up. Their serums are excellent. I’ve tried many vitamin C serums, and I’ve had one in my skincare arsenal for the better part of 25 years, but one of the issues is that they can be strong, acidic, and irritating. And if you have rosacea like I do, they can aggravate redness. Counter’s All Bright Vitamin C Serum is fantastic. It has a lovely consistency. It feels cooling and soothing, which is the opposite of what I’ve come to expect from vitamin C serums.

They also have a retinol alternative — Retinatural plus Advanced Super Serum. We all know retinols are highly recommended, especially as we age, but my skin just won’t tolerate them, so this is perfect. It also contains hyaluronic acid, which facilitates the absorption of vitamin C serums and naturally plumps the skin, so it’s like a two-in-one.

Two serums I’d happily buy myself if I retired from the business. They’re currently running a Friends & Family promotional event (until May 10th) with up to 30% site-wide, so it’s a good time to try them.

PERFUME

She loved perfume, and while sweets and florals were never really my thing, we agreed on jasmine. She grew up in South India, where it flourished and was part of everyday life, not just reserved for religious or cultural traditions. She had such a deep fondness for it. It connected her to her youth, to her parents, to the life she’d left behind when she immigrated to Canada.

She didn’t mind a heavier scent, but I prefer my fragrances to soften and fade over the course of the day. I want to be able to reapply as I go. I don’t want to leave a trail on everyone I hug, and I really don’t want to announce my arrival before I’ve even entered a room.

Nothing says spring quite like this one, and I haven’t come across another jasmine I’ve loved as much. I always have the mini on me. When you go into a store to buy a bottle, they’ll personalize it for you, which is a really nice touch.

A close second would be Carnal Flower, though it carries a bit more presence and is especially nice for the evenings. Both are beautiful in their depth without ever feeling heavy.

If florals aren’t for you and you prefer something fresh and crisp, I love this one. I speak about it here. Every time I wear it, someone inevitably asks me about it. Not because it’s overpowering, but because it’s not immediately identifiable. The notes aren’t obvious, it’s complex and shifts depending on how it wears on you.

JEWELLERY

Pearls and diamonds, especially. She loved the classics and couldn’t pass a jeweller in the mall without stopping to browse. Both my parents worked very hard, and being middle class, it wasn’t as though she was in a position to be draped in diamonds, but she admired them from afar, and my appreciation for jewellery goes back to her.

I’ve been on a bit of a Buhai binge lately and have accumulated quite a few of her pieces in a short period of time. Femininity isn’t something I naturally gravitate toward, but I’ll always make an exception for dangling earrings.

I’ve had so many questions about these earrings and this bracelet. I bought the earrings years ago and was reminded how much I loved them when I wore them again to an event. They’re playful but elegant, and they remind me of my roots. I’d buy the real deal, but Indian earrings are often too heavy and stretch out my already ridiculously small lobes.

As for the bracelet, it’s a stunner. One of those pieces I’d buy again in a heartbeat if it ever went missing. It always sparks conversation and, at the same time, makes a bit of a fool of me when I try to show people how easily it slips on. It is easy, I just keep forgetting how, even seconds after I’ve put it on.

Ahhh Dorsey. LOVE. And this style was one of Ma’s favourites. These are firmly on my wish list.

This pair is already mine. They’re impossibly pretty, and not just for the evening.

To all the mothers out there, to the women who’ve struggled to mother, and those who’ve struggled with their mothers, to all the women who mother others in ways big and small, and to those who’ve lost their mothers… I send you my love. Motherhood is a wild journey. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes painful, sometimes fulfilling, sometimes depleting. It’s one like no other.

N xo