If I ask you this, must you relive the past?

(A Half Breed, chapter 13)

The past feels more alive at home! More than
the battles and wars they teach at school.

Holiday cards you couldn’t throw away,
Reminders penned down a decade ago…

And your photos—all of them! Aren’t you glad
You took them all? You looked so happy then.

Once in a while, I try to hunt for new ones
Taken at my age. I’ve been doing it more often

Because every day, I seem to grow from you
A little more: something new that I don’t see

On you, your photos, anyone…Mom,
Besides the albums, notes, expired cards

There’s something else from the past
That’d help me right now, growing so fast

In what direction, I’m not sure. Sometimes
I feel my own strength flourish, or even love!

But other times, I feel some transformation
Split one side of me against the other

That I’m not sure will kill me with this pain
Or fade at dawn. And while I know your half

I have no clue where the other’s heading.
Mom, I think you know—and I think it scares you

Not just what I’m becoming, but how weak I’ll be
If I foresee what I’ll become. But

Remember when you sat me on your lap?
I was strong, see? I can handle these things

Without bursting into tears, you know?
Please, just look at me again and tell me

Did he have these hairs, claws, strange irises
Did he bear his teeth as large as these?

What’s normal, what’s wrong? or is everything
No, we’ve been through this…oh Mom,

If I ask you this, must you relive the past?
If you forget it, can’t I steal it as it flies?

I wish I could just steal this memory from you
And free us both. And I’m quite stealthy, but…

I think we’ll either share him or forget him both
And neither outcome will make us both happy.

I don’t want to tear your clothes again, soak tears
on my pillow. Please, just tell me what to expect

You knew him well, right? Until—yes, I know
It’s strange to wonder about your bed that night.

It’s strange, and I think we both agree
That no child should have to ask these things

Should have to scrounge for clues
About what happened on that night.