Bahadur means courage

BAHADUR is in heaven. Bahadur is under the earth. He is in the grave in the cat graveyard under the lemon tree in our front yard.

What does Bahadur want to do? Bahadur wants to come back to Mamma. Bahadur’s soul is waiting at the wire mesh door of the upstairs balcony, waiting for me to stop by and open the door. Bahadur likes to eat on the third step of the wooden stairs leading to the terrace. It is his private place, away from the other cats, specially Twin.

What is in his pocket? Bahadur has his heart in his pocket. It is tender. Why is it in his pocket? God knows! Literally! Why did God create a cat so sweet, so trusting, that he was forever vulnerable – even as he was saving lives with his love and his licks.

Bahadur saved Sahil. He saved me. When both Sahil and I were reeling with grief at the death of all our kittens. Sahil’s own second litter – Tiger, Phantom and Calico. Sahil kept me up two night crying for her kittens and then Bahadur appeared on the third day and licked Sahil till she calmed down. “I’m here for you,Sahil, I am your friend.”

How does Bahadur enter a room? Like a cat. Like a hug. Like a king. Like a prince. A princess. Like royalty. Like a breath of fresh air.

What is Bahadur tired of? Bahadur is tired of being afraid of the huge tabby bully in the neighbourhood. Bahadur is going to fight him to the death. Literally.

Why did you lunge at the angry tomcat when Mamma was asleep elsewhere, Bahadur? Mamma wanted you to live. We saved you. You wanted us to save you.

What does Bahadur still hope for? Come back to Mamma, Bahadur. To Sahil. To S, A and N. I don’t know what Bahadur hopes for but Sahil, the little women and I want to bring back our Bahadur. If not in body, then in spirit.

What is a habit they can’t shake off? A habit I can’t shake off is the need to fall in love. With soft things. With hard things. The need to feel. To mourn. To nurture. To cherish.

Why is grief acceptable when I could choose to love less? Thankfully the choice is not mine. Grief means I am alive. I loved well. I will survive loss.

Bahadur means courage. Both his and mine.

Listen to this post if you can’t be bothered to read it. Do both together, that’s my recommendation 💜