Showing up...

I spent a good number of years sitting in front of my computer, one day a week, to write a weekly blog. It was so easy back then, I’d sit in front of the box and stare at the screen (like I am now) and just start typing … the words would come. I always had something to say, even when I didn’t have any ideas before I started. I’m artistically stuck. I know why it is…the word is distraction.

Too many moving pieces in my head. No ideas that seem brilliant enough to put into text form. So here I am, second week in a row, typing. This is how I accomplished it before… by showing up.

I’m finishing up my Artist Way study group. Our next meeting we’ll discuss Chapter 12, the last chapter. I’ve tried reading this book several times before. Once or twice on my own. Once in a small study group (the first attempt) where I barely made it through 3 Chapters.

Now that I’m at the end of this 12 week course, I have some light and reflection to cast from my thoughts. The main take-away for me is Ms Cameron’s insistence that we show up for ourselves. She insists that first thing in the morning we write in our journals (3-pages — “just write” she commands). I’ve written but, even my journaling sounds stuck. Yet, I see now there is light within the boring sentences (the stuck-iness) and now there is a habit that wakes me up at 3am (no alarm needed) to fill the pages.

For me, it is the pen equally with the paper, that provides success. The pen must roll over the paper in a certain way, like a figure skater on ice. My words are intentionally written fast and illegible. I’m not concerned about penmanship. I don’t want anyone to read what I’ve written (not even myself). Its not a journal for documenting stories (I’ll destroy the journal when its filled). My ritual merely uses the paper and pen to grab onto my fleeting thoughts. When I capture the words on paper, its like talking to myself through my hand. The hand tells me and my brain says, “Ah-ha, that’s what I’m thinking!”

Ms. Cameron encourages us to show up and my pages tell me the same. I showed up here today, with nothing to say, and again my hands proved me wrong. “Ah-ha!”