The Kleenex Scaffold and the Scorpion's Sting: How to Surrender a Constitutional Democracy Using Only Facial Tissues, Unexpressed Thoughts, and Bone Spurs.

Today, I’m nominating Sen. John Cornyn (TX) as Little Bitch of the Month. It’s early in the month to make such a pronouncement, but I am comfortable with my decision. He’s one of the two Senators who were holding back their vote to advance Todd Blanche’s nomination out of the Judiciary Committee to the full Senate for confirmation. He and Tom Tillis said nope, not voting until the $1.776 billion slush fund to pay off the January 6 rioters is dead and gone. So, as enumerated in yesterday’s column, Carte Blanche wrote a letter that supposedly killed the fund, but didn’t actually; the two Senators needed plausible deniability and Blanche gave it to them.

Why do I find it hard to write the next lines? Oh, I want the truth to be said.

When asked why he voted for Carte Blanche to advance to the Senate for confirmation (final vote was 12-10 along party lines), Cornyn folded like a scaffold made of Kleenex and spit, mewling to reporters that “Well, there’s nothing that we could do to, to, uh, to rein in the President. He said he likes the fund, he wishes it still exists, but the fact of the matter, it’s dead, and that’s, uh, all we could do under these circumstances.” This, kittens, is where he dialed it up to 11 and added more cowbell, earning himself the Little Bitch award. And there’s the rub: the fund is not dead and Cornyn knows this damn well, accepting a false solution to provide political cover but why? He’s a lame duck but, just like the scorpion riding the frog, it’s in his nature.

Someone finally said it out loud. It took a whiny little bitch to do it, but someone did. Does Congress not understand that they are firing themselves? One more Republican term and Congress will not exist. Congress has effectively fallen. All he had to do to “rein in the President” was not vote to advance Carte Blanche. All Congress has to do to “rein in the President” is impeach the miserable peckerhead. But they won’t. Now the legislative and judicial branches and their role as checks and balances have gone the way of disco and leaded gasoline. There is nothing stopping the executive branch from doing whatever it wants and putting all its supposed enemies behind bars.

California Governor Gavin Newsom agreed and said what we are all thinking: “Congress is dead. MAGA has a king. Republicans killed the Constitution. If we don’t win in November, democracy in America is over.” Video killed the radio star.

What’s it all about, Alfie? Senator John Kennedy (R-LA) has got the Traitor Tot figured out. Here’s what Foghorn Leghorn had to say to Meet the Press this past Sunday on the matter: “The President says [the crumbling infrastructure and shitty sealant work on the reflecting pool] was caused by vandals. I, I don’t know whether he really believes that or it’s part of his political messaging or he’s just thinking about out loud. You and I both know the President well. He exists loudly and he grows anxious when he has an unexpressed thought.”

Oh yeah, that’s a real fucking good trait to have when trying to negotiate with other countries and do a little statecraft. Oh, and keeping national secrets secret. Remember all the WWII propaganda films, warning that “loose lips sink ships”? We’re dealing with a President who will blurt out national security secrets on a whim to our enemies, just to show off the fact that he is in possession of them. I admit that I have a hard time not saying exactly what’s on my mind, but there is a time and a place. I’m learning that, and always will be, but I am also not jaunting about with a tasty Marine jogging faithfully after me carrying the nuclear football and perhaps a few other interesting accoutrements beneath that uniform. I have a dream today, kittens.

I also do not lure people into my orbit by getting them addicted to rage and fear. That’s how you control people, especially the poorly educated, and no one knows that better than MAGA. And that’s why it’s more important than ever to support independent journalism so that we can keep the truth out there, and tell people all the things the regime doesn’t want us to tell you. Watch what you say, or they’ll be calling you a radical. Join me and let’s stick it to the Man.

Iran, however, isn’t poorly educated (well, at least the men aren’t because they’re allowed to be educated). That giant sucking sound you’re hearing in the background of your day-to-day life is the sound of American dollars and munitions sinking into the quagmire of this current Kobayashi Maru. Trump was crowing yesterday that, as usual, a deal with Iran was “close.” The US proposal would allow Iran to control inbound traffic in the Strait of Hormuz and Oman would control outbound traffic.

Iran took one look at that and said “Bitch, please”. You’re breaking my heart, you’re tearing it apart, so fuck you. They’re demanding the right to collect transit fees, a guarantee that there will be no more future attacks, lifting of oil sanctions, and an end to the U.S. blockade for good. Until they get those, Iran isn’t making any deals, because they understand that they are holding all the cards in this particular wargame, and they know the U.S. is running low on offensive and defensive weapons. You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.

Trump’s not going to be able to use his bone spurs to get out of this war.

“I think that it is high time for the United States Senate and its members to do some real soul searching and to weigh our consciences as to the manner in which we are performing our duty to the people of America and the manner in which we are using or abusing our individual powers and privileges. I think that it is high time that we remembered that we have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution. I think that it is high time that we remembered that the Constitutution, as amended, speaks not only of the freedom of speech but also of trial by jury instead of trial by accusation.”

--Senator Margaret Chase Smith, Declaration of Conscience. June 1, 1950, on the Senate floor.

That’s all I have for you today, kittens.