Reading · Myq Kaplan's Arty Har-Hars

Dear friends,

I’m grateful that you’re here!
Thank you for choosing* to be here!

* If free will exists. Keep reading!

Welcome (back) to another edition of my project where I share jokes that I love and a further discussion of those jokes and that love!

This project began last year, with this piece about one Mitch Hedberg joke, where I assessed Hedberg in this way:

”His jokes are songs, infinitely relistenable. Whereas so much comedy requires surprise to have its desired effect, Hedberg’s has somehow transcended that.”

I now revisit another delightful Hedberg comedy gem. I hope you enjoy:

“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn’t sound right.” — Mitch Hedberg

To me, this joke is about free will.

Let me back up.

A lot of Mitch’s jokes initially seem like they’re about simple, ordinary things (e.g. bananas, donuts, traffic lights), but upon further reflection they often end up leading me down paths towards more substantial, headier, philosophical topics (life, death, impermanence).

And this joke is almost no exception.

Almost, I say, because the joke actually does, on the surface, cover a topic that I would consider substantial to begin with: the idea that alcoholism is a disease.

And what Mitch says about alcoholism seems resonant. We can imagine someone yelling at an alcoholic much more easily than we can imagine yelling at someone who has lupus or another disease as such.

I’m reminded of the wisdom of the Buddhist sage Shantideva.

“In his book A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, the early Indian Buddhist teacher Shantideva gives another metaphor. If someone hits you with a stick, do you get mad at the stick? What’s the point? The stick has no control. How about the hand wielding the stick? Well, neither does the person, who’s driven by anger and is powerless to stop themselves.”
— The Namchak Foundation

In Shantideva’s own words:

“Although it is their sticks that hurt me, I am angry at the ones who wield them, striking me. But they in turn are driven by their hatred; Therefore with their hatred I should take offense.”
― Śāntideva, The Way of the Bodhisattva

There is a parable I love that also demonstrates this concept beautifully, The Empty Boat (Excerpted from Thomas Merton’s translation, The Way of Chuang Tzu).

The whole piece is beautiful and worth reading, but here is a relevant and noteworthy selection from it:

“If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again,
And yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because there is somebody in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty.
He would not be shouting, and not angry.”

(The boat is like the stick. And not just because they’re both made of wood. You get it.)

I think we can all easily understand why it wouldn’t make sense to be angry and yell at a stick or an empty boat.

When there’s a person involved, it can be more challenging.

And to be clear, I think we should do our best to avoid hitting people with sticks, boats, or anything wooden or non-wooden, and if we see someone doing boat/stick violence, we should do our best to stop them.

There are certainly situations wherein anger makes sense, where anger can be used as fuel to protect people from harm.

AND ALSO, an additional thing that makes sense to me is the aim to understand that the person wielding the harmful implement is as out of control as the implement itself, in a way.

And this is where the concepts of free will and determinism come into it for me, and you may have differing opinions from mine (due to being destined to, perhaps).

Here is one way that I think about free will vs. determinism.

I believe in determinism regarding the past.
(All that has happened has happened because one thing led to another, from the Big Bang until now, and could not have happened any other way, because it didn’t.)

I believe in free will regarding the future.
(Everything that will happen has not happened yet, and there are limitless possibilities, infinite paths that could open up from this point, all dependent on what happens now.)

AND

I believe that neither the past nor the future exist.
(Every moment that I’ve experienced in the past has been a present one. Every moment I’ll experience in the future will also be the present one when I’m experiencing it. I have memories of the past but I only access them in the present. I have plans for the future but I only access them in the present. There is only the present.)

So, where does that leave us regarding free will and determinism? Great question!

Let’s talk about the past as though it exists, because it really seems like it does.

We each were babies once. Before that, who knows. But it seems like we had no choice in the matter. No free will regarding being born. No free will regarding where we were born, where our parents lived, where we were raised, what language we spoke, who our first teachers were, what cultures surrounded us.

So much was chosen for us, decided for us.

And these things shaped our brains.

We did not have a choice in how our brains were shaped.

But at some point, if you believe that you have free will, when did that start? When did it come online? And how do you know that your idea of free will isn’t the result of deterministic causes, of neurons firing beyond your control, because that’s what they do?

As Robert Sapolsky puts it, “We are nothing more or less than the cumulative biological and environmental luck, over which we had no control, that has brought us to any moment.”
― Robert M. Sapolsky, Determined: A Science of Life without Free Will

Quick thing: I think it is very PRACTICAL to believe we have free will, and to act as though we have it. I just don’t know if we do.

In conclusion, I don’t want to beat anyone over the head with this (like with a stick, or a boat), but I guess what I’m saying is, ultimately I think it would be better if we weren’t yelling at Otto for having lupus OR for being an alcoholic.

And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!

A) is for A joke about free will:

Many of us can’t help but believe in free will. Maybe it’s fate.

B) is for what’s Better:

What's better, to go with your initial instinct or thoughtful reflection?
What if my instinct is to thoughtfully reflect, but after some thoughtful reflection, I say it’s instinct?

C) is for establishing greater Camaraderie with myself:

One of my natural instincts is to argue, and I don’t know if I love it, so I’m thinking about arguing with that natural instinct more.

And that’s about it from me.
What about from you?
Here are some questions!

A) How are you doing? What’s new and good? How is your heart?
B) Do you believe in free will? Explain! (If you so choose.)
C) Do you believe in determinism? Explain! (If you can’t help it.)
D) Any further thoughts about anger, sticks, boats, any of this?
E) How are you doing NOW?

Mitch Hedberg, Alcoholism, and Free Will

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