Are You Under The Influence?

I remember distinctly that it was a Tuesday. I got called in by my boss’s boss to a side office he used when visiting our area.

“What do you think will happen if I promote Joe Smith and have Ron Brown report to him?”

I was 30 years old. And an executive whom I thought was one of the smartest guys in the company was asking me, a lowly group controller, for my opinion on the org chart?

Excuse me?

Now, you could go a few ways with this, but in this case he was asking because, for a finance person, I had an uncanny way of seeing who worked well with whom and why.

I could see the dynamics. I knew when two people would elevate each other, and when one person’s confidence would shut everyone else down. I could spot the difference between who held title and who held trust.

I could tell when an official org chart and the “real one” were telling completely different stories.

At the time, I chalked it up to being observant. I figured I was just being helpful, maybe a little intuitive.

I didn’t yet have language for:

“I have influence.”

I was often the only woman at a table full of male management team leaders. I got pulled into meetings about staff who did not report to me. I was given responsibilities other controllers did not get.

And because I was young, sincere, and apparently born without the gene that says, “Maybe this is valuable,” I just kept doing it.

I picked up on dynamics, translated politics, named risks. I helped people understand what was going to happen before it happened.

Then I went back to my spreadsheet.

Bless my heart.

Here is what I wish I knew then:

Influence is not always loud.

Sometimes it’s being the person everyone quietly checks with before they make a move. The one who notices consequences before decisions are made, who helps a senior leader understand the human side of an organizational choice, or is trusted with the thing nobody else has the guts to say.

As it turns out, this is leadership currency.

And a lot of women are walking around with more of it than they realize. We call it different names: instinct, being good with people, knowing how things work, “just helping”.

Admirable qualities. But, let’s get a grip.

That thing you keep doing for everyone else may be influence.

And influence deserves it’s own language. It calls for intention, space, and practice, and for being used on purpose instead of handed out like office candy.

Capable women already know a lot. We know how to read the non-verbal smoke signals, hold complexity, sense what is under the surface, and take bold next steps.

Helpful is nice.

Influence is better. Build it. Practice it. Use it.

If you’re not under the influence and need some practice building it, you’ve come to the right place!

ellevae is a new, hands-on leadership practice for women leaders who want to build more influence and impact, and live more sustainable lives.

Built by two women who wished they’d had this when we needed it. (Hint: I’m one of them. The other is the amazing Lori Feldman, PhD.)

Could you do me a favor? Please share this with another woman who needs more influence.

Together we change the world for women leaders.