You're Missing One Person on Your Team

This morning, a client’s email landed in my inbox, and I knew immediately that a “Congrats!” from my iPhone wasn’t going to cut it. She had just closed a significant offer after a competitive process. But the number wasn’t what stood out to me; it was how she moved.

What she had actually done was hold her position, let silence do its job, and let the other side recalibrate without explaining herself to death. She didn’t panic and stayed steady at the exact moment most people unravel.

I wrote her back and made sure she understood what I actually saw. What happened in that negotiation didn't come “out of nowhere.” It was connected to the choices she'd made over the past year, how she'd started protecting her time, the standard she'd raised for her environment, the clearer picture she'd developed of what she was actually worth. The offer was the outcome of the work she put in the year before.

That’s what a cheerleader actually does. They hold the timeline for you so you can remember the version of you that wasn’t fully there yet, and then name the version standing in front of you now.

This is something I’m watching closely inside my coaching community. Recently, in a group session, we did an exercise together: map out who is actually in your corner. One of the most common answers when people identified what was missing: “Honestly? I need a cheerleader.”

Someone whose specific job is to see you.

What strikes me is how many accomplished, driven people have never had that. The environments that shaped us rewarded critique and forward motion. Recognition wasn't always a part of the deal. After a while, you stop expecting it, and some people go further and mistake that absence for maturity. Push through. Figure it out. Move on.

Saying you want encouragement can feel childish, needy, or a little embarrassing. But encouragement is often what helps people stay in the game long enough to become who they're meant to be.

A lot of depletion I see in clients isn’t from a lack of discipline. It’s from years of delivering in environments focused entirely on improvement, never on recognition. That’s isolating, and it’s hard to name because we’re trained to keep moving regardless.

Think about the last time you carried something hard all the way through and nobody really acknowledged it. I often wonder if people notice what that costs them.

We tell ourselves it’s nothing. But the impact compounds, and you can start to feel invisible inside your own effort. You stop sharing wins or believing anyone sees how hard you’re trying. Sometimes you stop before the breakthrough because carrying everything alone starts to feel pointless.

But here’s what I need you to know: encouragement compounds too. The right witness to your life can keep you from giving up on yourself.

When I work with clients on this, we build the team intentionally. Roles first, then people. A good starting point includes a strategist, a connector, a challenger, a therapist, a collaborator, an accountability partner, and a cheerleader. The first six come easier. The cheerleader is usually the one people didn’t know they were allowed to ask for. If you want to start somewhere, write down the people who already support you and note which roles they fill. Your list doesn’t have to be limited to people who have your number.

I also believe your cheerleader doesn’t have to be alive. Barbara Sher, who wrote Wishcraft (affiliate link), suggested imagining the people who inspire you sitting across the room, fully in your corner. You can read someone’s work, absorb how they moved through the world, and ask yourself what they would say to you right now. It sounds unconventional, but it works. Not everyone has a person yet, but that doesn't mean you go without.

Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison, Oprah Winfrey, Keke Palmer, Issa Rae … they all count.

When I was a teenager, I ran on a 4x400 relay team. We set a national record in 1993 that still stands. And what I remember most isn't the race itself. It's my teammate on the second leg screaming for me through that last 50 meters. That sound determines how many tenths of a second you shave off your split.

Your cheerleader does the same thing. They show up at the last 50 meters, and their belief in you changes what you're capable of.

If you have a cheerleader, tell them what their belief in you actually made possible.

If you don’t have one, start looking.

If you want to build your support team intentionally, this is exactly the kind of work we do inside Bring Your Work. I run a live coaching group every month. If you’re ready to get specific about what you need and who’s filling each seat, come join us. [link]