I Know This Is Disordered Eating. I’m Doing It Anyway
A reflection on body hatred, gender dysphoria and knowingly choosing disordered eating because it feels like the first plan that might work
Gender, Mental Health and other ramblings
This is just here for me to vent about myself and share things I couldn't otherwise say. Things I expect to write about: Mental Health (inc: Suicide + S...
Latest posts
I Still Do Not Pass, but Maybe I Look Like I Am Trying
Two visits to the same store became something larger: a safe place to try femme clothes, a haircut I liked and a night eating takeaway in a park
"First, Do No Harm" and the Night I Finally Asked for Help
A personal reflection on First, Do No Harm, body dysphoria, self-harm and what happened when I realised waiting alone was no longer safe
When is it OK for me to Give up?
I've felt like shit for the past ~12 months and not always for the same reason I've had periods of time in my past where I felt terrible but never for this long and never where I've been left feeling like I've tried everything I can and given up I'm just so fucking tired at this point I struggle think of how my life makes anyone else's happier but I still feel forced to breathe for the sake of…
Why Jax’s Breakdown in The Amazing Digital Circus Hurt So Much
Spoiler warning for the end of The Amazing Digital Circus Jax spends most of The Amazing Digital Circus acting like sincerity is beneath her She mocks people for caring, makes jokes when something is serious and tries to minimise anything honest that slips out. Even when it is obvious that something has affected her she needs to act like it did not really matter Then at the end her defences…
Tried MDMA and Found Out my Friend Knows my Blog
One of my friends led me by the hand through the crowd That sounds like an insignificant detail but it really wasn't It was Nightmass at Dark Mofo and I was there with two friends (S and F) who are married to each other Dark Mofo is a winter arts and music festival in Tasmania, Australia Nightmass is one of it's major events. A mix of clubs, performance art and strangeness as you go from one…
I don’t feel safe crying at hospital
A personal essay about medical pain, self-harm, trans body shame and feeling responsible for making distress easy for everyone else
I Miss the Comfort in Suffering
I don't even know how to describe my feelings over the last few days Pain feels close, it's unambiguously bad while still describe a clear objective feeling but whatever I'm feeling isn't physical I want to scream and shout but my stupid ugly moth brain won't dare let me make a sound or do something that might draw even the tiniest of attention to what's going on I wish I had a friend who would…
My Weird Relationship With Sex
A blunt personal reflection on sex work, kink, dysphoria, intimacy, and the difficulty of wanting intimacy without knowing how to safely receive it
A Surprising Incredible Day (My Highschool Reunion)
What begins as a nerve-wracking return to a high school reunion becomes one of the most affirming, chaotic and memorable nights of the year