‘Soft’ Is Not Always a Four-Letter Word

(I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, before the news broke about Bill Self’s health scare. I believe he is doing well, but my concern for my friend is much stronger than any desire to have some fun with our “friendship.”)

If you play basketball for the University of Kansas, the worst thing head coach Bill Self can call you is “soft.” So don’t tell him that I said he has a soft side.

He’s an intense competitor with a resume to prove it, but he has a side of him that makes you want to hang out with him, even if you know or care little about basketball.

Self, who just finished his 22nd year at Kansas, has won two national championships, 21 conference championships and 609 games with the Jayhawks. He’s won almost as many conference titles as he’s lost home games at historic Allen Fieldhouse.

Prior to Kansas, Self worked his way up the coaching ladder, first as an assistant at Kansas and Oklahoma State, and then as the head coach at Oral Roberts, Tulsa and Illinois before Kansas. He’s personally led his teams to the NCAA tournament in the last 25 tournaments that have been played (the 2020 tournament was cancelled because of Covid, though Kansas likely would have been the No. 1 overall seed).

His overall record is 836-256. His teams have won or shared 22 of their last 27 regular season conference titles. Three other teams finished second (twice) or third (once).

The dude, quite simply, is a winner.

But he can’t stand players not playing tough.

Self played four years of basketball at Oklahoma State, though he probably wouldn’t have seen the court if he played for head coach Bill Self. He told me once he considered playing at the NAIA level at Oklahoma Baptist, because he thought he would fit better.

He started just under half the games he played, shooting 46.5 percent from the field (this was before the 3-point line was part of college basketball) and 70.0 percent from the free-throw line. He averaged 6.3 points per game over his career, with a best season of 8.2 ppg in his junior year.

His dad was a huge influence on him, and he always spoke glowingly about Bill Self, Sr., who instilled the need for toughness in his son.

“He was my hero,” Self told me a couple of years ago. “I wish I would have let him know more, even though he knew it. But I don’t think I could have ever said it enough.

“His influence on me wasn’t as much from a coaching standpoint, although he coached when he was young. My dad was a head coach in high school at age 23, and superintendent of schools at age 25.

“My deal with him wasn’t just that he understood ball even to the last conversation I had with him. I certainly think that he’s had more influence on me basketball-wise than anybody. But he influenced me primarily because of the things that go around basketball, things like unselfishness, how hard you have to play, maturity, not being emotional in the court. Those are the things that he taught me as much as anything.

“He was a rock. I’ll always take more from him than anybody else, even though it wasn’t because he coached.”

His dad’s favorite expression was “Don’t worry about the mules, just load the wagon.” “Load the wagon” became the Jayhawks’ rallying cry during their run to the 2022 national championship.

“Load the wagons” is not about achievement; it’s about effort. It’s about doing your job despite the circumstances around you. If you do your job, especially if you’re prepared, you’ll achieve success. You have to control the controllables, and mostly that’s your own effort.

My first example of Self’s soft side was the day after his dad died in January 2022. Self had been by his father’s side when he passed in Oklahoma, but he made it to Manhattan, Kan., for the Jayhawks’ game against K-State the next afternoon.

The Jayhawks trailed by 16 at the half, but Self didn’t give a motivational speech at halftime. He didn’t have to. There’s no way his players were going to lose that game. They were fired up for their coach, and showed the toughness he expected them to have.

In the postgame, I let everyone else who had to do a follow-up story ask their questions, then I mentioned my dad, who had died 17 years ago the next day. I told him I was praying for him, and then I asked my question.

As we completed the press conference, I picked up my recorder at the table, and Bill said to me, “David, tell me about your dad.”

He cared about me, something I believe is rare among the big egos in college coaching. I’m not saying that Self doesn’t have an ego. But he’s not defined by it.

He’s also got a great sense of humor. He knows I’m a K-State fan, which he gives me grief for quite often. He’s not afraid to jab.

When my friend, Al Wallace, a former sports anchor at WDAF-TV in Kansas City, asked Self to write the foreword for his biography, which I helped write, Self agreed to do it. But it wasn’t getting done and we were getting close to the deadline. Wallace suggested that he and I go to Lawrence for Self’s weekly press conference and then go to his office afterward so I could interview him. The plan was for me to write it and Self would change whatever he wanted.

As we walked to his office, Self told Wallace how proud he was that he could write a book, then added (pointing to me), “Couldn’t you have found somebody better to help you than this guy?”

Wallace defended me before Self started laughing.

We went to his office and did a 10-minute interview. At the end, I said, “Is there anything else you want to say?”

He slid back and said, “Now, I want you to make me sound intelligent.” Seizing the opportunity for payback, I raised my hands, shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Coach, I can only do so much.”

I thought we might lose Wallace that day from a heart attack, but Self cracked up.

His humor is self-deprecating, another part of that soft side. He’s not afraid to make fun of himself, publicly and privately. When I retold that story in my podcast with him, he said, “There are a lot of people on my team that feel my sense of humor isn’t quite as good some days as others.”

He uses his humor in coaching, especially with players who can handle it, like Christian Braun. During Braun’s one season with the Jayhawks, he was having an off night from the floor. During a timeout, Self said, “Hey Christian, have you thought about maybe making a shot today? I mean, maybe it would help your team if you would just think about it.”

Braun then made three in a row. He came back to the huddle and said, “You know what, I thought about it the last three times I shot it.”

There’s immense pressure to perform at Kansas. Anything short of a Final Four appearance is deemed a failure by the fanbase. But Self tells his players that it’s better to play at a place with high expectations. The pressure is greater, but the reward is even better.

His key to success is to have better personnel than his competitors. He’s a great recruiter, though he rarely has the nation’s best recruiting class. Instead, he finds guys who fit his system and makes them better.

A great example is Ochai Agbaji. Agbaji did not receive any major scholarship offers until his senior year of high school. After choosing Kansas, he started his freshman year with a redshirt. When two players were lost to the team, Agbaji’s redshirt was lifted so he could provide depth. He averaged 8.5 points and 4.6 rebounds per game in 22 games as a freshman.

By the time he was a senior, Agbaji was named a consensus first-team All-American and was voted the Big 12 Player of the Year. He was named the Most Outstanding Player in the Final Four, won by the Jayhawks.

“I’ll say I knew he’d be great because I’ve got such a great eye for talent,” Self joked on my podcast. “He was good, but probably not quite what he thought he would be as a sophomore and maybe even as a junior.

“But he took that extra step. Seeing the commitment he made to take that extra step, I’ve said this before, nobody’s even close to working as hard as he does.”

Self takes time to enjoy the success he’s had. He doesn’t worry about what’s next.

“I’m not as focused on preparing for next year,” he said. “I think now takes care of next year. You win now that helps you recruit more.”

He’s been taking care of “now” for a long time. I believe very strongly that Bill Self is the best basketball coach in America.

Just don’t let him convince you he doesn’t have a soft side.