Whenever someone asks what your favorite quote is, they’re setting a trap. There’s invisible pressure in that question. You’re supposed to say something profound. Something in Latin, or from a guy with a beard in the 1800s that proves you’ve spent serious time reflecting on the human condition. You’re supposed to sound like a person [ ]
My biggest dream? Easy. It was about Godzilla. Not like a movie premiere or anything. There was just an actual, 400-foot Godzilla hanging out in the parking lot of my apartment complex. Right by the dumpster. The weird thing wasn t even the giant monster. It was that nobody cared. My neighbor was out there washing [ ]
The best excuse I ve heard lately wasn t really an excuse so much as an explanation that absolutely nobody asked for. As it turns out, all roads eventually lead to a pineapple. Which is not a sentence I expected to write today. To be fair, I also wasn t expecting to spend last Saturday at Costco. I [ ]
So, the writing prompt asks, What’s a piece of technology you’re convinced will exist in twenty years? Twenty years. That’s a long time. I think it’s pretty optimistic of us to assume we’re still going to have electricity in twenty years. At the rate we’re going, I don’t think we’ll even have any technology to [ ]
You would never guess that I used to actively seek out chaos. I mean, today, I look exactly like the kind of person who mentally prepares for a trip to Target like I’m invading Normandy. I get stressed when someone parks in my grocery store parking spot, as though I personally own Space 42. But [ ]
So, after my guinea pig rant, I thought I might write something a little more simple and upbeat. You know, to give you lovely readers a break. It’s the 4th of July here in the U.S. And honestly, if you can just ignore the 104-degree heat that feels like living inside a toaster oven, the [ ]
The writing prompt today is What s a lesson you’ve learned recently that shifted your perspective? and honestly, right off the bat, I feel attacked. My perspective is fine, thank you very much. It’s built on a rock solid foundation of panic and low-grade dread, and it hasn t failed me yet. If you re always expecting the [ ]
Today s question is, What do you do to improve your sleep? and frankly, I find the question offensive. But if you must know, my current sleep strategy consists of being a night owl until about 3:00 AM, getting a light dusting of unconsciousness, and then waking up for work feeling like I was hit by [ ]
Today s prompt asks, What s the best way to deal with negative thoughts? Well. You’ve certainly come to the right person. If I know anything, I know negative thoughts. I collect them like I collect browser tabs. Every time I think I m done, another one pops open, and I can t get the damned thing closed. Which [ ]
So with today’s writing prompt, I’m meant to answer “What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right?” Which is hilarious. Because my gut isn t some wise, mystical oracle. My gut is just a tight little ball of localized panic. The administrative nightmare of existing inside my own body [ ]