Posts.
Go back to your country lazy dirty chink. This is a real text message I received when I was working in tech in London, in a tiny startup. At the time, I had a coworker who constantly made racist jokes—some general, some at my expense. He is Indian (I think). I assumed the text was from him. After a while, when chatting at work, I mentioned the text and told him I just assumed it was from him and…
Content warning: on depression. No, I really can’t. In the last few years I have learned that the way to keep myself away from suicidal ideation is through resource management. My insomnia persists. Last night I slept in two 2-hour chunks. I woke up each time lethargic and angry at the unchanged state of my physical and mental health. On a good day I can shower, on an excellent day where I…
Do When the core functionality of a feature cannot function with only HTML. When the core functionality of a feature can benefit from some JavaScript. Start with only HTML, then progressively enhance it, so it can still work without JavaScript. A table can be pure HTML; a sortable table needs only a dash of JavaScript. When HTML does not provide the user interface pattern required, then: Is this…
Berlin, postscript The following topics are in the note I put down for this blog post about a month ago. I'll quickly explain them since I have lost most of the context. Content warning: depression related Psychology I made a friend in Berlin who is studying psychology and developed a VR self-counseling app. I tried it. It was somewhat effective. I want to try and build a web app with just video…
Hi again. I am sitting in an apartment in Berlin right now thinking about e-mailing my therapist. But instead of doing that, I thought I'd read back on what I have written in the past on this website. I guess it is time for an update. I am doing better . I guess stabler, more understanding of my own feelings and more in control ; um, scratch that. And more aware of how to priortize my…
🎉, what do you call this emoji? To many of us it is memorized as :tada: , or :hooray: . However, if you put that into macOS/iOS emoji searcher, neither tada nor hooray would yield any results. This is not a post about emoji naming, but about what we all now refer to as the :emoji_code: . Emoji naming is a can of worms that I would rather not open. For a bit of context, I am a bit of an emoji…
CONTENT WARNING: depression, suicide. "Why not today?" I asked myself. A year has passed by since I started to have strong suicidal thoughts daily. Ever since I started taking SSRI , anti-anxiety meds, and sleeping pills, things have gotten a lot better. "A lot," huh. Instead of thinking about death 100% of the days, I now have perhaps 40% of those days on average. And I have gotten more…
Content warning: on life. A few days ago I woke up in a very depressive mood. I knew it was going to be a bad day in that my mind will be preoccupied with thoughts , so I posted on Instagram asking my friends if they'd tell me something nice. Anything at all. They didn't have to be compliments. I received a lot of supportive words, a few animal pictures, some compliments, and a few strangers told…
Wanting a relational sense of happiness is totally legitimate. But we shame both its desire and its lack of achievement. We condemn women who stay single and refuse to settle, but we also condemn women who are honest about how hard it is to have 0 social support or safety nets. - @aymannadeem A while ago I made this website, muan.single.fyi , for reasons stated at single.fyi . My own profile had…
CONTENT WARNING: suicide, and very strong opinions on the value of lives. F2022 2022 is probably the most disorienting year of my life thus far. I spent the whole year trying to make sense of things, and failing. I was diagnosed with depression in the latter half of the year, and then very fortunately was given time off by my employer for an extended period. I am better now, at least on most days,…