Hi. It’s Dave again. Yes, from before. I try not to use this Substack for shamelessly self-promotional purposes, mostly for religious reasons. But I wanted to tell you anyway that I am taping a new comedy special February 11 (Yes, 2026, which is from the future!) at the Bell House in Brooklyn. If you live within 2000 miles in any direction, I would love for you to come. You can get tickets right here. And I would be excited to the point of medical concern if you did.
This special is an updated version of my critically-acclaimed (Thanks, Dad!) Off-Broadway Caveman in a Spaceship show with unexpected twists, turns, and also a toilet paper gun I made after watching a video on the Internet late, late at night in the parking lot of one of those highway rest stops that offer limited amounts of candy. And just like the Off-Broadway show, this special will be directed by my buddy Tom Papa, which is great for everybody.
In order to help create the illusion of my overwhelming popularity, I would love for the taping to be very crowded and filled with attractive people like yourself, who have effortlessly great hair and are fun to be around unless provoked. Also, if I may say so, it’s great show that I am really proud of, so I think you will enjoy it a whole bunch.
It’s at this point that I was going to tell you how I have a baboon heart and it won’t last long and this special taping might be one of your last chances to ever see me live, but it’s just not true, at least not the thing about the baboon heart. Am I thinking of going on the lam shortly after taping? Yes. I guess that is the bigger threat here. People don’t go on the lam often enough these days and I intend to do something about it. But more than any of that, I wanted to tell you that there is also an animatronic dragon in the show. It cost $400, but if you stand just a few feet away and blur your eyes, you’d swear it cost at least $450, mostly because of the hands and also the fog that comes from its mouth, which is nuts. Not sure how they figured out how to do that but I’m glad they did. And you will be too.
I guess what I’m trying to say is see you there, I hope! It’s gonna be fun. I can feel it. In here. I am pointing to my heart right now.
Love,
Dave
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.