Take these books away from me!

  Black smoke chases out a swarm of bees from your front door; kerosene smell strong, and buzzing like static on the TV. Inside the intruder Unwell Author smiles manic, eyes vacant, and in one hand he holds a book and a sheet of paper in the other.
  “You ran out of glue.”
  BUZZZZ! go the bees.
  “So I used honey on the macaroni card instead.”
  BUZZ! BUZZZZ!
  “Don’t look at me like that, I made you a present.”

1. Why is this lunatic emailing me?

2. What you got last month.

3. I MADE YOU A NEW BOOK.

4. S e c r e t s.

5. A fifth thing.

…you let me?

But if you forgot how I got into your house: you likely signed up years ago, or you recently grabbed a free book, or you thought me groovy on Substack.

Hi! I’m M.P. Fitzgerald, an unwell sci-fi author who writes warnings with heart for dream criminals. And you?

Oh, you forgot to lock your door.

Art is political if I am in your house, so if that does not groove, then you might want to unsubscribe to lock me out.

No hard feelings, but I am taking your dog with me.

I sent you the first standalone story in a series, Violence, Three Kinds: Folgercest, and a suspicious number of you did not lock me out afterwards. You’re the degenerate one, not me! If you missed it you can read it here:

Violence, Three Kinds: FOLGERCEST.

·

Jul 15

The stainless steel Ad Blocker-Blocker Military Android stands at six feet eight inches when it is upright, and I’m sleepless and only five nine. I drop my empty beer can and let it roll across my squalid beige carpet, and it hits the base of my TV stand. The screen plays the hour-long

Chris Keilman at C.K. Anomalies commented that:

“…this is a deeply disturbing depiction of what society will look like in 6 months 😂 well done! I enjoyed the really gross snot-related details that you got in there in just the right amount. And the psychological cruelty of the ad bot is is something I'll be thinking about.”

Fellow workshop mate Brent Robbins brought the pun-ishment:

And award winning science fiction author, Ian Patterson (yes, Ian, “award winning” should precede your name every single time. You won an award, deal with it!) had this to say in a pull quote:

Violence, Three Kinds: Folgercest, will be free to read ‘till the end of the week before I throw it in pay-wall jail, you perverts.

You’ll get the second story in this series, free later this month.

And yes I used kerosene, how else was I to chase away the bees?

Indie writers and kick-ass small presses united at one table at the largest, fan run, sci-fi literature conference last month in Boston Massachusetts, and I was very lucky to have had some representation of my own at said table.

Speak No Evil: 13 Stories, is a collection of all of the stories I wrote last year (which is my best work, to date) and became a free, Readercon exclusive promo. The twelve copies I was able to send (more on that part later) flew off the table. If, by small chance, you happened to attend the convention and got a copy yourself, reply to this email and let me know! I’d be happy to sign it.

You can also see me react to the table (and what they did with my promo books) in Thomas Clark Schecter’s video. I heard those wonderful gremlin authors drunkenly sang karaoke together. I wish I could have been there, but I tend to terrorize folks with a microphone (my favorite thing is to karaoke Phil Collin’s In The Air Tonight and conspire with the DJ to cut the song exactly before the drums drop).

Speaking of FOMO…

And yes I needed only the best honey to make it and that comes from bees. Stop starring at me like I’m crazy.

I was only able to afford to mail twelve of fifty books to Readercon. Fifty copies to send did not feel ambitious at the time but I’ve been out of ADHD meds so uh… lucky you?

You can get your hands on one of the remaining thirty-eight copies of this once-run, exclusive paperback for $20 later this week. They will be signed, numbered, and pentagram stamped. Once they are gone, they are gone for good. No reprints. Paid members of Graphomania will get first notice in their inbox to buy. If they don’t sell out then, I’ll be sending an email to everyone else on my mailing list, but there are no guarantees that will happen. If you want one, the best way to ensure you can get a copy is to upgrade your membership and to keep your eyes out for that email. It will go out Friday morning~ (the 7th). I’ve discounted membership down to just $2.75 for peeps not yet on that list, so you don’t have to spend an arm and a leg on top of paying for the book.

I am willing to ship overseas as well, but only to paid members of Graphomania to help cover the international shipping costs.

Speak No Evil: 13 Stories includes my Midnight Vault entry (of which the book is named after), my submission to Weather Reports, my submission to the first issue of Wonder Hearse, my winning entry to Andrew Robert Colom’s 7th Flash Fiction Battle, and every other sordid, heartbreaking, wild sci-fi tales I penned last year. Members already have access to most of these stories when they upgrade in my archive, but this is the only time I plan on collecting them together in print like this. Also I lied: it’s fourteen stories because there is an additional secret story that I will not put to print again. Will the others make it to print separately? Maybe. But not this story.

You’ll have to get the book to find out which one it is.

And now, for something completely different, it’s…

Last month my editor (who edited most of the stories in the book above), Emil Ottoman, was kind enough to become a founding member of Graphomania and gave me an endorsement that kinda made me cry.

This man has high-goddamn standards (a big reason I hire him) and does not dole out endorsements like this lightly.

I want to take a moment here to try and repay that kindness and recognize just how much shit he and his family have had to endure in the short time I’ve known them. Three deaths in the family, two emergency moves, and more (which is not my place to say). Those in my author community have rallied for him and Edith Bow (who is dealing with medical issues on top of everything else) in the past, and though there is no immediate need for more assistance I just want to point out that crossing a finish line does not mean that injuries suffered from the marathon are magically healed. Surviving an emergency usually means a long, if not unseen period of barely treading water as the struggle for normalcy and getting back on track is fought. I’ve been there, and likely so have you. That either has a semblance of sanity after last year is remarkable. It is easy for us to burn through our compassion and empathy when something tragic happens to others and when their troubles are ongoing. If you’ve hired the man, give him some grace and understanding as he gets to his backlog, please. He’s human.

Be one too.

Consider becoming a paid member to one (or both!) of their publications. It would help them as they recover, yes, but also both of their fiction is stunning and frankly worth the money.

More S e c r e t s (the sci-fi edition!):

I’ve been a happy sci-fi goblin-thing with new episodes of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and the new Ghost in the Shell (they actually call Arimaki ape-face like in the comics!). Best Trek in a long time, and the animation in GITS is gorgeous.

And speaking of sci-fi, I also had the pleasure to beta read Victor Jimenez’s Terran Imperium of Man, or TIM, a satirical military sci-fi (if your military sci-fi is not anti-war then it’s boot-licking propaganda, full stop. Victor passes this test and made me laugh!) that I believe he is serializing now. I wont spoil anything, but the ending hits.

I also got a friend to play and beat Returnal, which is a feat and is one of my favorite pieces of media and storytelling. If you know, you know.

I get to tell myself that all of this is research. You cannot stop me.

Saddens me to say, but beta reading Victor’s book is likely the last project I will be able to help with for some time (outside of a secret collaboration). I have been helping others with various projects for more than a year and a half, and my own are gathering dust. I need to give my own stuff the love it deserves, which means setting a boundary I don’t like and saying no.

I get to tell myself that is for the best. You cannot stop me.

What do you want from me? Not to set fire in your home after an impromptu beehive heist? That’s selfish, I made this book for you!

I’ll see you again later this month with another free story about violence, and remember to keep your eyes out on that inbox for the invite to buy Speak No Evil: 13 Stories! The copies might go quick, so upgrade to ensure you get the first (and maybe only) invitation!

I’m keeping the macaroni card. You’re not grateful enough for it.

-M.P. Fitz

M.P. Fitzgerald writes darkly humorous sci-fi for dream criminals. He is far away where you can’t hurt him.