Thoughts About Hair

How does a person decide on a look? What brings people to the conclusion that their hairdo is right for them? Is it really a decision or is it a compromise; the inability or unwillingness to deal with either your stylist or yourself? I realize how trivial these questions are in light of what inhuman and reprehensible acts are being committed as I write but, in a way, it’s starts with the hair. The same brain that commits to murderous atrocities also committed, sometime earlier in life, to a comb-over, or a ducktail, or short sides and back. We look at ourselves in the mirror and try to come to some conclusions about where we’re headed in life; even non-decisions are decisions. There is a story behind every hair choice. I don’t want to single anybody out but Slobodan Milsovec for instance must have thought about his acts before he committed them, high wide sides and comb back included. We are all responsible for our actions even if they’re inactions. He can’t now claim, from his comfortable wingback chair in hell, that he didn’t see himself in the mirror each morning as he picked up a comb in one hand and some hairspray in the other other. His compatriot, Slobodan Praljak at least took poison for his crimes. Yes, the hair was way down the list, but all the same.

_{Crimes against humanity}

The next time you see a bad hairdo don’t feel sorry for the person underneath. They need to answer for their appearance just like everybody else. If you leave the house looking like someone took an electromagnetic induction charger to your hair, remember that’s your choice. Mirrors aren’t hard to find. I was chatting the other day with a friend (not A.I., who has no hair but lots of opinions about it) and he and his stylist were trying ‘to work something out’. Whatever it is, I hope they’re still working. I have a guy I go to, and he has opinions – strong ones – but he knows the decisions are mine in the end and the eyerolls are his. I did, once, have a stylist who slapped my hand and told me to ‘shut up’ but that was Ken, during the pandemic. Otherwise, it’s up to me how I present myself. I need to really think before I walk out the door.

I’m not going to mention the President of the United States and, yes your honour, strike that, but hair colour is also a choice. I tried, once, to dye my hair back to its natural colour but I looked like someone Joe Pesci might play in a movie I’d be too afraid to watch, so I returned to the stylist immediately and had him colour it back as best he could. If you look like something you probably are that thing someone once famously said (me). People show their real selves to you whether they intend to or not, you only need to look to know who you’re dealing with or who they want you to think you’re dealing with. Everything that comes out of a person’s mouth means nothing compared to a mullet. You really can judge a book by its cover. Or a political leader by his fold and blow.

Years ago, when my hair was different, younger, more daring, I decided to have a streak of white run through it. I’m sure a psychologist would have an idea why, but I don’t. I only know that I thought it ‘suited me’, or my present state of mind at any rate. It’s tamer, now, but I still look at my hair and fuss with it, and wonder. Is it me? The answer is: yes, it is. The ‘me’ I want to project is actually me. According to A.I. ‘specific styles and colours are frequently linked to distinct personality traits.’ The fact that he has no style or colour would seem to indicate that he has no personality which of course he doesn’t. If you ask him he’ll even tell you. But people who go out in the street, people who commune with other people do have personalities that are impossible to hide. You only need to know what’s on their head to know what’s in it.

_{Don’t ever do this.}

There was a young woman I saw yesterday with four colours of hair that somehow formed themselves into four different styles. There is no amount of trying that could convince me she was decisive, but if I look deeper, there is decisiveness, four times the amount. The statement is there, unavoidably. It’s not even a complicated statement. She’s saying that she’s extraordinary. And I don’t know in what way, aside from her coif, that she is, but I’ll take her word for it.