i want to be so real with you. i’m no stranger to burning down a life that i outgrew. standing at the edge of the unknown has become somewhere i feel oddly comfortable.
like the fool card in tarot, sometimes you just know when you have to take that leap and go for it despite not knowing exactly what “it” is.
this was me in 2024 when i sold most of my belongings, packed the rest into a backpack, and hopped on a one-way flight to portugal. did i plan to return to the states? i didn’t know. but what was i going to do in portugal? you might ask. i didn’t know that either. why was i even doing this? i really didn’t know that one.
what i did know was that it just had to be done.
i had to go.
and when you know that it’s time to go, you can only ignore it for so long.
burning down your old life can look any number of ways. leaving a relationship, a career, an identity, a place, a group of friends or community. all of the above (me).
and that’s all fine and dandy. i trust that you know how to hear yourself and listen when your body is saying “time’s up babes!”
walking away is one thing. staying with yourself and backing your decision when the new life hasn’t revealed itself yet is quite another.
welcome to your own personal void space. you could be here for some time, so you may as well get acquainted, learn your way around, and start to become comfortable here.
the void is a dark, empty, vast space where limitless potential exists — equally terrifying and liberating. just like the womb, this is the place in which all life originates from. your new life is here with you right now, being molded and shaped just as you are. even when you can’t see it. don’t believe me? close your eyes a moment and feel the darkness enveloping you. there’s nothing to actually fear here. the mystery is what makes life worth living.
is it possible to get a little curious in this space? to perhaps even get a little cheeky? how can you start flirting with the unknown the same way you would a new crush you’re intrigued by?
that’s when this whole liminal space thing starts to actually feel a little fun.
i want you to imagine that you are planting a seed in a garden. you want to grow a stunning orange tree. you dig a hole, put the seed in, pack the earth back into place, water it. and then you wait. you tend it. you make sure it’s getting the proper nutrients, sunlight, water, care. you don’t expect your orange tree to pop up in the next week. you know that even though you can’t see it, life is happening below the surface. deep in the ground roots are sprouting, magic is taking place.
and then all of a sudden, one day, poof! you notice a little sprout has broken through the earth.
the same process occurs when you leave an old life. we must remember that we follow the rhythms of nature because we are nature. just as the earth follows the cycle of life → death → rebirth, we do too. letting go of something is a death. and when we look to earth wisdom we know a rebirth is guaranteed. however, the alchemical process of moving from death to rebirth is not one that can be rushed, forced, or skipped over. pop spirituality tends to gloss over the painful parts of growing into newness. a rebirth sounds so sexy. and it is. just not in the ways you might expect and not without some wobbly moments.
death demands a grieving process. even when you know walking away was the right thing, you’re still going to have feelings about it. let that be okay. it’s normal to have doubts and questions, to grieve and even miss your old life at times. the more you can embrace the alchemical wisdom of death, the more it can transform you.
then comes the rebirth. not in a way you can control. not in a way that always feels enjoyable.
the cliche example of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly is so overused, i know, but it’s the easiest way to remind ourselves just how uncomfortable change can be. let that be okay too.
you don’t need to have any of the answers right now. you’re only job is to allow this natural process you’re in to fully occur. don’t stand in the way of it. welcome it. tend it humbly and you will be rewarded.
and when you’re feeling lost or wondering if your new life will ever show up, ask the trees for guidance. look to the waters for clarity. lay your hands on the earth and remember you’re supported. let the endlessly buzzing life all around you remind you that things are happening. momentum is gathering.
keep showing up to your life every day with curiosity, with devotion to your path. this is what it takes to find your own way. and it’s going to be worth it, i promise.
because one day, maybe when you least expect it, you’re going to look down at the seed you planted and notice a little sprout. you’ll take a big exhale, feel your shoulders drop away from your ears, and you’ll laugh with relief.
because you’ll realize that magic had been happening all along.
you just couldn’t see it yet.
xo,
Montoya Miller
messy sophistication
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