I’ve been working in financial education and financial psychology for more than a decade now, and one thing has become very clear to me over time:
The people who experience the (incredible and wildly underappreciated) feeling of financial well-being are not necessarily the richest.
Oh yes, having sh*t tons of money helps. A lot.
But I’ve met plenty of people who are “rich on paper” and still can’t keep money, no matter how much comes in. Some feel constant anxiety about losing it all, or about still not having enough. Some can’t stop comparing themselves to people who have “more.” Others don’t allow themselves to feel happy until they reach the next milestone on their list.
On the other hand, the people I’ve met who genuinely feel good about their money have something in common. Sometimes consciously, but most often without even realizing it, they’ve built their money life on three things:
They understand their past
They enjoy their present
They prepare their future
I know, it sounds annoyingly simple when written like this.
But simple doesn’t mean easy.
And if one of these three is missing, money will never feel good, no matter how much you make.
Your relationship with money didn’t start when you got your first salary or opened your first bank account. It started much earlier, with your family, your school environment, the country you were born in, and the experiences you grew up with, whether they were directly about money or not.
Understanding your money past matters because if you don’t, it keeps running the show, for instance, through overspending or under-earning, avoiding your finances, freezing when it’s time to make decisions, or struggling to ask for what you deserve in terms of salary, fees, or raises.
None of this means you’re bad with money, per se. It just means something old is still active and influencing your decisions.
Understanding it won’t magically fix it all! But it does something very effective: it immediately reduces how much power those patterns have over you.
So when you do something you know is sabotaging yourself, instead of wondering what’s wrong with you, you see immediately what’s actually driving your behavior.
Tools and resources to help you understand your past
🎁 New in The Paid Corner: Your Financial Life Timeline a guided exercise to scribble down the moments that shaped how you deal with money today, so “why am I like this?” turns into “okay, this makes sense.”
🟣 This interview with financial coach Kim Uzzel to help you understand whether what you’re feeling is financial stress or something closer to trauma.
🟣 This interview with Chantel Chapman, founder of the Trauma of Money Method™, on practical strategies to start healing your relationship with money once you’re aware of your patterns.
🟣 An 18% discount on the Trauma of Money Method™, a psycho-educational program designed to help you understand, untangle, and heal the emotional patterns that shape your relationship with money.
Enjoying the present doesn’t mean spending recklessly or ignoring the future to “live in the now.” It means being able to actually be here in your life, without constantly escaping it, numbing it, or chasing the next big thing.
Live in the now ≠ live for the now
When money becomes a way to regulate emotions, boredom, stress, or overwhelm, enjoying the present becomes very difficult.
Instead of being present, you might notice patterns like using spending to cope with stress, loneliness, or exhaustion, constantly reaching for your phone to scroll or make a purchase.
Learning to enjoy the present isn’t about removing pleasure from your life. It’s about choosing it more intentionally, instead of letting impulses and habits choose for you.
The importance of wants
When we talk about money, we’re often taught to think in terms of control, discipline, optimization, and sacrifice. Enjoyment is framed as a reward you earn later, once everything is finally “under control.”
Most budget gurus will ask you to track your Needs versus Wants, but the way this is usually presented makes Wants sound like the bad guys. Something you should absolutely minimize, suppress, or feel slightly guilty about.
But when they’re intentional, and not just what you do out of boredom or habit, Wants are an essential part of life. They’re what make life feel richer, more human, more fun.
The budgets that actually work make room for pleasure, too. Vacations, weekly takeout, movie nights with friends, craft supplies, concert tickets, whatever your thing is.
And when you look at your bank account, it’s worth asking yourself an extra question: what actually brought me joy here? What made my life feel better?
That simple question reframes money from a constant source of stress into a record of what’s working. It also helps you realize how many good things are already happening, which is one of the best antidotes to the constant chase for more.
Being rich ≠ feeling rich
A lot of financial stress doesn’t come from not having enough. It comes from never feeling like enough is enough.
There are many reasons why someone with “everything” can still feel anxious, dissatisfied, or behind. One of them is that how wealthy we objectively are can be completely disconnected from how wealthy we feel.
Some people earn €50,000 per week and still feel like they’re falling behind. Others earn the same amount per year and feel content and secure. Because our brains are wired to constantly chase more. The hedonic treadmill means we quickly get used to what we have and start craving the next thing.
Enjoying the present means slowing that process down just enough to notice what’s already here, and to actually feel it.
Tools and resources to help you enjoy the present
🟣 This edition of Money Feelings written with financial planner Gabbi Cerezo: 4½ Exercises to See How Rich You Really Are (And Feel), a practical way to reconnect numbers with real-life satisfaction.
🟣 The Wealth Guided Reflection, to redefine what wealth truly means to you, break free from limiting beliefs, and align your financial and non-financial wealth with a life that genuinely feels rich.
🟣 The Money Feelings No-Buy Challenge, a four-week experiment to make space for what really matters, question overconsumption, and explore the psychology behind your impulses.
🟣 The No-Buy Bingo, a playful self-binding strategy to build a buffer between you and impulse spending, without relying on tired willpower.
When this pillar is missing, two annoying things happen (one is a bit annoying, the other one is very annoying):
There’s a low-level anxiety running in the background, like you know you should be taking care of your future, but you don’t, so you’re always vaguely worried without really knowing why.
Over the long run, not preparing means not having the financial means to live the life you want and deserve, nor having real choices or being independent from people or systems.
This is all quite stressful, and the exercise of retirement planning itself also feels stressful to all of us, but I’m convinced it deserves a gigantic rebrand because:
Preparing your future isn’t about predicting everything or trying to control every possible outcome. It’s about direction, giving yourself enough financial room to adapt comfortably and without too much stress when life inevitably changes course. It always does.
It’s also really not about sacrificing your enjoyment of today. That’s a huge misconception. One of the nicest things about preparing your future is that small actions, and small amounts of money, taken early and placed in the right places, quietly snowball into something much bigger later.
Thinking about your future can be fun. It can be creative even. And once you’ve done it, a huge amount of stress lifts, almost instantly. And the best part is that it keeps feeling good, because your future self will benefit from it for decades. It’s the longest-lasting form of self-care there is! F*ck nail art.
Tools and resources to help you prepare your future
🎁 New in The Paid Corner: The Retirement Vision & Action Board, a guided exercise to help you imagine your future life and translate it into simple, realistic actions you can start today.
🟣 My personal retirement vision board.
🟣 This edition of Money Feelings with financial planner Gabbi Cerezo: How to Gift Your Future Self Financial Peace, where she shares practical planning advice that actually works in real life.
🟣 The Financial Well-Being Checklist, a simple way to get a clear snapshot of where you stand, from foundations and day-to-day spending to long term planning. You’ll see what’s already sorted, what deserves your attention now, and what can wait.
🟣 25% discount on financial planning services with the brilliant Gabbi Cerezo, for readers who want personal guidance to turn intentions into a concrete plan.
Seen like this, it sounds simple. But it isn’t easy, because it means moving forward without running away from your past, and dreaming about the future without escaping the present. 🤪
So here’s my question for you: how balanced do you feel across these three pillars? And more importantly, which one needs your attention right now? Let me know in the comments!
And remember: Money Feelings is your space, your platform, and your tool.
If you have questions, confessions, or something you’d like help with in your relationship with money, don’t hesitate to message me. You can also share something completely anonymously here 👇
See you in 2 weeks, or sooner on Notes.
Pauline 💜
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